“Me too.” Toni gave her a smile before she teased, “Although no one has ever left me with my trousers down before.…”
Addie pressed her face against Toni’s shoulder, hiding her blush. “I didn’t mean to overreact like that. I swear. I was undone, and you weren’t even sharing your whole name, and I just felt so exposed.”
“She says to the woman whose trousers were at her knees,” Toni murmured quietly.
“Fair.” Addie giggled. “At least no one saw you like that.”
Toni gave her a look. “I guess that was lucky.”
They fell into silence as Addie directed them closer to the actual beach and the oceanfront restaurant where they could eat. The restaurant was still a bit fussier than Toni wanted, but the view was gorgeous enough that she honestly didn’t care.Whisky at the beach.It sounded altogether more relaxing than her best of unwinding attempts most days.And it matches both of our dream meals… which is not an odd thing to remember.She remembered everything Addie had told her, probably because she’d saved their email exchanges and reread them.
Before they went inside, Addie said quietly, “You know, you were myfirst,Toni. I was terrified of doing something wrong. That was the other reason I ran.”
“We’ve all been there,” Toni offered, although in fairness she couldn’t remember how long ago it was that she’d been there. “Coming out young like I did and looking more masc meant that every girl who was questioning knew I was safe to hit on, to flirt with, to proposition.”
As they were being seated, Toni thought about how different things had been for her overall. She’d been very visibly out in highschool, and by then, Lawrence v. Texas had already changed the laws for same-sex relationships. So while gay marriage wasn’t legal yet,beingin a same-sex relationship was not illegal by the time Toni was a teen. That decision brought a level of tolerance that seemed to make every thinking-about-being-a-lesbian woman decide to try easing out of the closet completely, and Toni? Well, she was out and proud, and back then, perfectly happy to be the metaphorical training wheels for plenty of women.
Was that what I was for her, too? Was Addie looking for a set of training wheels?
They took their seats and menus, and Toni weighed whether or not they ought to have a drink. She was pretty sure they both were looking for a sort of repeat of Scotland. And Toni wanted Addie to go into whatever was happening with a clear head.
When the server arrived far too quickly to ask about drinks, Toni said, “We need a minute.”
Addie gave her a curious look. “What’s up?”
“I’d rather not drink if we’re going back to my hotel later.…” Toni held Addie’s gaze. “This is not measkingyou to come back, but if wearehaving a drink, we should plan on not drinking much.”
Addie nodded. “I’d rather leave the options open.”
Whisky or woman?That felt like the choice.
Addie blushed again when the server returned for the drinks order, but she glanced at Toni and ordered a mocktail. Then she added, “If you want to have your whisky, that’s okay. You’re a lot better at drinking than I am.”
After they ordered drinks, Addie leveled an astute stare at Toni. “Drinker in the family?”
“Father.”
Addie nodded. “Both my parents drink and… other things. It makes me very California-stereotype, though: plenty of baggage thanks to my parents.”
“Sounds like I could get away with moving here, then, since I’d need a trailer to carry my family baggage,” Toni caught herselfadmitting.In for a penny, in for a pound.“I sold the book because my dad took a second mortgage on my mom’s house and then gambled or otherwise pissed it away.”
Addie’s mouth formed a perfect O for a moment. Then she said, “Ouch.”
They paused as the server dropped off drinks.
“My parents are more like a unified pair of hippies.” Addie shook her head. “They have a duplex up near San Francisco. He lives in one half, and she’s in the other half. Currently, they’re dating each other.”
“Dating?”
“They’ve been divorced a few times,” Addie said lightly. “From each other but also from other people. They’re honestly a train wreck. Can’t stay together. Can’t stay apart. They think I’m the weird one because I’m not hopping from bed to bed.”
Toni was at a loss. “There’s a lot to unpack there.”
“So my therapists have told me.” Addie sipped her brightly colored fizzy drink. “Short version that’s relevant toyou: I don’t bed-hop.”
For a moment, Toni almost replied with a glib “I do,” but she thought better of it. Instead, she replied, “I used to do so, but that changed when work got in the way. Calling in naked isn’t really a viable excuse in grad school or for teaching. Sleeping with fans or students? Cringey. I don’t want that kind of power dynamic.”
“Do I count as a fan?”
