“Maybe.”
“That happenedonce,Ads.” Eric sighed, again sounding like he was channeling Marlene Stewart. “I swear, if you’d just call me ‘cuz’ people would—”
“It doesn’t matter. The professor is leaving for her new job in DC, but…” Addie hugged a pillow. “I met her. We talked, and she was even more amazing in person, especially…” She looked away, cheeks burning at the rest of the thought.
“Did you finally—”
“It’s not about sex!” Addie flopped backward, really, really,reallynot wanting to talk about that right now. All she admitted was, “We had a spark. She’s amazing.”
“Uh-huh.” Eric walked to the kitchen and grabbed a half-full bottle of red wine and a pair of glasses. “Did you exchange numbers, email, social media… anything?”
“Well, no, but…” Eric was staring at her, so Addie simply said, “She’s not on social media.”
He poured the wine without looking up at her. “And how do we know that already?”
Addie smiled despite herself. “I looked before, when I read her article. She’s not online. There are videos of her presenting, her bio at the university, links to a few publications, but there’s zero social media.”
Addie didn’t admit how thoroughly she’d looked, how she tried different iterations of Toni’s name, how she searched images—or how she felt defeated by her inability to find anything at all.
“I just felt a spark when I saw her first video, so I wanted to meet her and see…,” Addie whispered.
When Eric handed her the wine, Addie continued, “And she felt it, too. Shekissedme.”
She didn’t let herself think about what else Toni had done, about how tightly Addie had gripped the fence posts. Her hands still ached from it, and unexpectedly her thighs clenched at the memory.
“So now what?” Eric prompted.
She shrugged. Addie had a Plan—that was always how she thought of it. Uppercase, proper noun. It was aPlan.It started with meeting the perfect woman and ended in eternal monogamy with her one true love, because she believed in that despite how she was raised.
Addie own parents weren’t married now. They often lived together functionally, but they each had half a duplex. Marlene’s town house. Lenny’s town house. They lived side by side in the San Francisco area these days. They’d tried marriage—to each other and to others—but they just didn’t quite like the “leash of it all.”
And Addie loved them. She truly did. She just had always dreamed of something more traditional. Too many Regency romances? Too much tragic Russian literature? Too much classic pop music? Addiewasn’t sure why, but she knew what she wanted: true love, the kind that books were written about or songs sung about.
However, her own parents thought she was impaired in some way. They’d even gone as far as taking her to surprise therapy to ask if she had been assaulted. Upon learning she had not been assaulted, Marlene had wailed that she’d raised “a victim of the patriarchy” because Addie was a virgin.
As if “virgin” were a dirty word.…
She’d tried to explain asexuality, because that was her first theory. Then she’d tried to explain being demisexual. The idea that a person needed to have feelings to be aroused had made her mother roll her eyes, but the truth of the matter was that Addie only experiencedthaturge when she felt affection and friendship.
Which meant never in my life.
Until tonight.
She’d certainly tried. Addie’s goal of getting to know each other—building a foundation, starting with friendship—was at odds with the way most people dated. And she wouldn’t say women wereworse,but sometimes it felt like she only went out with women who were impatient. Second date? Time for a U-Haul and definitely a tumble into bed.
That was all too fast for Addie.
Until Toni.
Toni didn’t know her, but Addie felt like she knew Toni. Watching and rewatching videos, reading and rereading Toni’s lectures had resulted in a level of interest that Addie had never felt before. She knew it wasn’t true, but she felt like she had been getting to know Toni. It had, admittedly, made her feel like maybe she was having an academic version of a celebrity crush—and she half thought her interest would vanish if they met.
Now that Addie had met Toni? That spark of interest had turned into a flame.
Addie had almost gone back to apologize for freaking out. She wanted to explain, but she was unexpectedly unsure if she could dothat and resist going much further than she was ready for when Toni didn’t knowher.Addie wanted to be known; she wanted to be loved.
And Toni hadn’t even wanted to share her last name.
A chime from her phone made Addie pause, heart aflutter in hope. When she looked at the screen, Addie smothered a squeal.
