“Four. Four flights.” Toni dropped her carry-on by the wall where it was out of the way. Then she walked closer. She didn’t want to sit on the bed and jostle Addie, but she needed to be nearer to her. Herhands fisted with the twin urges to cradle Addie and to find the person responsible. Instead, she asked, “Did you press charges?”
“What?”
“He hurt you,” Toni said.
“So did you,” Addie snapped. “Getting hurt happens to me a lot lately.”
Toni dropped to her knees beside the bed. She was exhausted, and standing seemed too challenging when Addie was determined to cut her down. She wanted to take Addie’s hand more than she had words to explain. She reached out, not touching Addie. “Addie, love, I was a fool. I never meant to hurt you—”
“And yet you did.” Addie’s tears streaked over her cheeks as she pulled her hands out of Toni’s reach. “Loving me is so awful that it means that we have to be apart if you loved me or I loved you. That wasyourrule. You didn’t even ask what I wanted. You expect that it’s okay to worry about your reputation, your feelings, your career. Did you ask how any of that affected me?”
“I screwed up. I was wrong about so many things, love.” Toni stared at her, trying to make the words make sense, but she had been awake for almost thirty-four hours now. “I’m so sorry I fucked up. IknowI was wrong, but you can’t just tell me you love me and then shut me out.”
“Says who? Is this another Toni rule? You just made it up and I have to obey—”
“I love you,” Toni blurted out. “I love you, Adelaine Stewart.”
Addie was silent for a long pause, and then she asked, “When did you know?”
“November first,” Toni answered. She knew the exact date and time when she’d realized it.
“Did you say it in any of the messages you left for me?”
“No.” Toni felt a sinking pit in her stomach.
“So you knew for the entire last month basically, but… did you email it? Text it?” Addie pressed.
“No.”
“Then why tell me now?” Addie asked in a deceptively calm voice. “Because honestly? I already knew you loved me when we were in New Orleans, Toni. I knew you were falling when I walked toward you in that wedding. Half the country knew when they saw the pictures.”
“Addie… I never wanted a relationship,” Toni started.
“Right. Do you think admitting thisnowchanges a damn thing? I don’t deserve to be merely tolerated. I am worth a lot more.” Addie glared at her. “I stopped talking to you because ofyourrules.”
“You are worth everything.” Toni stared at her, imploring her to understand. “I want everything with you. I want you in my life and—”
“No.”
“Addie… I have been miserable without you because I love you. I understand that now, and when you were injured, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I needed to see you, tell you, know you were safe.”
“Well, you told me, and you saw that I’m doing better.” Addie gestured toward the door. “You can go now.”
Toni stared at her. “I don’t want to go.”
“Don’t you have classes to teach?” Addie said, voice trembling.
“Monday.” Toni took her hand, flipped it over, and pressed a kiss into her palm. “I’ll be in LA for the weekend.”
“There’s probably a museum or something you can see,” Addie said.
“I want to seeyou.Help you. Be here to take care of you,” Toni explained. “Please, Addie.”
“You don’t want a relation—”
“I do. I want that with you,” Toni stressed.
“I have a career in LA, and you live in DC. None of this even matters,” Addie countered.
