“No,” Adrian said as firmly as he could. “You’re not boring at all. You’re funny and smart and brave, and the problem is with anyone who can’t see that.”
She shook her head in rejection.
“Caroline, sweetheart,” he insisted, pulling away so that she had space to look at him.
She blinked at him, tears freezing on her eyelashes.
“I’ve met thousands of people, all over the world, people who made incredible art, people who’ve lived amazing lives. I’ve never met anyone like you. You don’t need to change. Everyone else should.”
He was desperate to wipe the expression of miserable resignation off her face.
“Ilove you,” he said, leaning on the first word. When it came out of his mouth, it sounded too casual—like a reassurance, not a promise. So he repeated it. Then one more time, because he meant it.
Caroline didn’t say anything. She didn’t look at him either. Her next move, after a few stiff, silent seconds, wasto duck her chin into her chest and scrunch her eyes tightly closed. He could feel her body vibrating with tension and hear the loud rasp of her breathing.
Well, what did he expect to get for dropping his unwise declaration in the middle of her unrelated emotional turmoil? He hadn’t planned to tell her that day. It was probably not a good idea to tell her that at all before taking her temperature on his impending retail-worker lifestyle, but he’d wanted her to know there was one person, at least, who thought she wasperfect.
Thinking he’d misstepped, he began to scoot away. But Caroline seized his lapel to keep him close and turned her face to press it against the bare skin of his throat. Her breath was hot and humid against his neck as she inhaled raggedly, but the tip of her nose was cold. Her hands flexed where she clutched the edge of his coat.
“Okay,” she said without lifting her head. Her voice was thick and halting. “Okay. That’s good.”
Adrian choked on a laugh, not sure if he was about to cry too. “Good? Just good? You’re going to break my heart, aren’t you?”
Caroline swallowed audibly and wiped at her face with the insides of her wrists. She didn’t meet his eyes, but she tilted her chin up to kiss him, lips pressed against his own as though she intended to keep them there for a long time. She hadn’t said it back. But she hadn’t rejected it either.
With his eyes still closed, Adrian tried to brush snow out of her hair, worried that she was only getting colder as they sat there.
“Okay,” Caroline mumbled again, mouth against the corner of his own. “I mean, yes.Thank you.That’s perfect. Will you please take me home?”
“Of course,” he said, confused and uncertain of whatshe was trying to convey, even though it was cold and snowing and they didn’t need to be having this conversation on a stranger’s porch. He got to his feet and reached down to pull her up as well.
“No, I didn’t say that right,” Caroline said more firmly once she was on her feet, seeming to settle with resolve. “What I was asking you...” She slid her hands inside his coat, resting them against his chest. Her breathing steadied. She leaned in to kiss him again, this time with more purpose.
He thought it would be brief, but it wasn’t. Her lips lingered on his. She held on to him when he tried to move away. Her tongue slowly slid along his own as she nestled into him with unmistakable invitation. She broke the kiss only to lean her face against his jaw.
“I mean, I want you totake me home. Please?”
It took him a long aching moment to rule out any other possible meaning to that request. He couldn’t think of any. Her thighs were pressed up against his body, stoking the desire he’d damped for weeks. His mind unwillingly began to riffle through all the images he’d composed of her body and put away for never: those long legs wrapped around him, her head tossed back, her lips parted.
Caroline pulled away only inches to give him space to reply, her big, shining sea-glass eyes filling his field of vision at last.
“Are you sure?” Adrian said gently, even as his heart started to pound in his chest and the blood to simmer in his veins. “You’ve had a day. So have I, actually.”
“That’s why I’m asking. I thought you’d come over after the play, and we’d talk, and then—I want one single thing to go the way I thought it would. I thought it was going to be a good day today. Please?”
He couldn’t even breathe from the wide-eyed, nervous look of anticipation she gave him. He didn’t know how he was supposed to make it to her apartment if he couldn’t breathe on the way.
They probably ought to talk first, his marginal remaining executive function noted. Their relationship had changed so fast, would change even more in the next few days. And like Tom said, they had a lot to work out.Shut up, said his lizard brain.Stop ruining everything for yourself.
“All right,” Adrian managed to work past his tight and swollen throat. “Anything you want.”
Chapter Fifteen
Adrian had never been inside Caroline’s apartment before. The fact didn’t occur to him until she unlocked the front door; his mind had been hung up on the fully absorbing prospect of seeing her naked. Like most new builds, the apartment had boring off-white walls, beige wall-to-wall carpeting, and anonymous brown countertops. It was the kind of place where people didn’t stay for too long: three rooms on a one-year lease while the inhabitants waited for a transfer to a different city or saved up a down payment for a real home. But Caroline had been hard at work. There were colorful knit throws tossed over the backs of the couch and armchairs. There were ceramic jars shaped like mushrooms cluttering the counters. The entire place smelled like chocolate, a scent Adrian traced to the slightly lopsided torte in an ornate, cut-glass case. And on the walls...
Caroline had neatly cut his little oil studies of flowers out of his sketchbooks, pasted them onto thick artisan paper, and had them framed in big grids. Hundreds of them. They covered almost every square foot of the walls, blooming like a garden in the middle of May. It must have cost thousands of dollars; the ornate gold frames looked custom, and there were more than a dozen of them. It was easily the nicest thing anyone had ever said about his artwithout saying a single word. He sucked in a deep breath, his stuttering heart twisting to the left and right and suddenly too large for his chest.
Caroline slipped off her black ankle boots and thick black cotton socks, leaving both by the wall. Adrian stared at her long narrow feet with their chipped pink polish. He’d never seen her barefoot before either, and the sight felt unexpectedly intimate. He’d spent the entire ride to her apartment telling himself sternly that regardless of what she’d said, he shouldn’t presume that anything would happen when he got her home. But looking at her toes curling into the carpet, Adrian couldn’t deny he’d spent that time desperately hoping she meant what she’d said.
