“Good,” he said. “Let’s walk and meditate.”
The cold was bracing but not uncomfortable, like everything about the region was calibrated to be welcoming. Ben described the history of the home and land, and talked about his summer staying with his aunt and uncle back when he was thirteen, working the vineyard alongside them and his cousins. We ended up at a white stucco barn.
“Why is every inch of this place so picturesque?” I asked as we paused outside of it. “This is a utility building and I’d live in here.”
“It’s the way the architecture merges with the landscape,” Ben mused. “There’s harmony. And old-world craftsmanship.”
“What’s that?” I pointed up to a wall made of lattice brickwork beside an open doorway on the second floor.
“It’s for air flow. We process grapes up there, and age barrels. Want to check it out?”
I nodded, and Ben led me into the barn to a floating staircase. It was dark inside so he switched on his phone flashlight.
“Careful,” he said as I climbed the stairs. “It’s a little creaky. Repairs happen slowly around here, if ever.”
Once I got to the second floor I walked toward the light fading through the lattice. In addition to the tapestry of hills and dollhouse homes dotting the landscape, I was now greeted by a field of twinkly stars waking up above us.
“Heaven,” I sighed. “I love it here.”
“I’m glad.”
We were side by side, staring out at the horizon and pretending that the poetry of the moment wasn’t having an impact on us. As if being alone in the Italian countryside with the moonlight casting a blue glow on our faces was just like any other day.
I wished I could add another amendment to our agreement.
Ben turned to me and stepped closer without a word, and my heart fluttered wildly off beat. He took my hands in his.
“Sorry,” he murmured.
I willed my voice to stay steady. “For what?”
He dropped my hand and reached up to palm the back of my neck. “For this,” he whispered as he pulled me to him.
Our noses bumped and we giggled self-consciously, but the moment our lips connected we melted together.
The idea that we’d maintain our boundaries despite what happened in Connecticut was laughable and we both knew it. There was no “getting it out of our systems.” We were now addicts trying to navigate life with permanently altered DNA.
“This is a terrible idea,” he whispered against my lips. “We can’t...”
“But weare,” I insisted, kissing him harder.
I squeezed my eyes shut but I was tempted to keep them open, so I could drink in the perfect moment. Stars, moonlight, Italy...Ben.
I stopped feeling the cold and instead found myself wishing I could wrench off my clothes. Ben’s hands dropped to the hem of my jacket and pushed under it, searing my skin at the same time cold air grazed it.
“Do you want me—”
“Yes,” I scold-panted as we kissed. “I want all of you. Why do you even have to ask? I’ve always wanted you.”
“I guess youdon’twant me to stop, then.” I could feel Ben’s smile curving against my mouth.
“Never,” I sighed as he dotted kisses down the side of my neck.
I’d somehow convinced myself that we wouldn’t have to worry about crashing into each other this way again in the days leading up to competition, seeing as we were both here facing career-defining scenarios.Lifedefining. But the pull to be as close as humanly possible canceled out all the discipline that had defined our lives.
My body felt like it was sinking into his, and Ben adjusted to support my weight. I was letting go in every possible way, signaling to him that I was his. He deepened the kiss, sweeping his tongue over mine as his hands found their way to the bare skin of my back.
I felt weak, but at the same time my whole body was tensed, bracing for the next shock of pleasure. Ben’s hands migrated from my back to cup my breasts, his thumbs grazing my nipples over thethin fabric of my bra as if we had all the time in the world. I closed my eyes, my breath coming in short bursts, like I’d just finished a marathon.
