Ben had both. If his episode—ourepisode—was as good as he claimed, his future on the show was set.
The image on the TV shifted and then there I was, alone in the middle of the ice, doing a Biellmann. Everyone squealed and clapped but of course I zeroed in on how I lost my grip on my blade and hastily came out of the spin as a way to cover up my mistake. I glanced at Mel but she seemed too enthralled to notice.
There were so many ways to begin the episode, but Ben had opted to keep the camera at a distance like a voyeur as I skated over to chat with Zamboni Frank while his voice-over described my morning ritual. Thankfully, I’d remembered to wear the pink tie-dye legwarmers that day so a certain little fan would be pleased. The footage of me laughing at Frank’s jokes was adorable, then it cut to a close-up of Zoey looking gorgeous.
Another cheer. She squealed and covered her face.
“You lookstunning,” I assured her.
She peeked through her fingers. “Actually, I do,” she replied with awe in her voice.
“Ben’s going for the community angle,” Sarah said. “It’s not just about your comeback, it’s about yourconnection. He’s going to interview all the people around you before diving into your story, sothe audience can see how loved you are. Supersmart way to reframe it.”
Zoey talked about our early years together, and the show flashed photos of us as kids, which I had no idea they were going to do. She went on to talk about how she considered me a big sister and mentor, and managed to slip in some mentions about her own career.
More cheers as Sarah’s interview came on, which was intercut with footage of us working together, then finally Mel. As the show rolled on we downshifted into quiet observers, so we could take everything in.
“This is amazing,” Mel whispered to me. “He’s telling a beautiful story.”
I nodded, but I still didn’t feel like I was out of the woods yet because there’d been no mention of Switzerland. Then, as soon as I thought it, the image on the screen cut to me crying.
“Fuck,” Sarah said.
“It’s okay, we knew it was coming,” Mel replied in her reassuring mom voice. “Let’s watch how it plays out.”
After seeing the trailer I was expecting the worst, but what made it to the show was factual, blissfully brief, and bookended by footage that showcased the difference between then and now. A few minutes of pain, and then it moved on to clips of me kicking ass at competitions in the years since.
“You’ve been officially shipped,” Zoe said as the show’s focus shifted to the one-on-one interview with Ben. “People are already doing fan edits of you guys making fuck-me eyes at each other.”
“Zoey Chen,” Mel mom-scolded. “Watch your mouth!”
We were at the halfway point and I finally felt like I could relax, until the show shifted to a tight shot of Ben.
My heart did its own joyful Biellmann when he smiled.
It was as if I couldn’t fully fill my lungs from the heat in his eyes. He looked smolder-y because he was looking atme. That appreciative, roving meander around my face made me want to blush, because it felt like he was letting the world in on the Blizzard Clause we’d executed the night before.
I could finally see what everyone was making a big deal about, because if I didn’t know better I would’ve sworn that he was in love with me.
But I did know better. Ben was just being Ben.
“Damn,” Sarah exhaled when the show cut to us both laughing about something. “Get a room!”
“Shh, guys, listen to how freaking insightful he is in this part! He talks about what he thinks my ‘Movement’ program means,” I said.
“I see it as a story of self-discovery, told in three parts,” Ben was saying. “The first section feels like you’re waking up in your body. Like, coming to terms with your gifts. The power you have within you. The second part, after the chorus, is you enjoying that power. Harnessing it. Starting to seduce your audience with everything you’re capable of.”
I’d blushed when he’d said it, but he was right.
“The final act, when the music gets more intense, ismastery. Ownership. Triumph. It’s you stepping into your full glory and loving every second of it. Your smile during that section...” He’d stared into space for a few seconds, like he was trying to find the right description. “It’s the most difficult part of the piece because you back-loaded all those jumps, but your smile makes it look like you’re taking a Sunday stroll. Like those jumps and flips are no big deal.”
I’d been dumfounded by his accuracy. “Howdid you figure that out?”
Ben had looked wounded by the question. “I mean, it’s obvious if you just open your eyes and watch. It’s all right there on the ice.”
I knew that wasn’t the case for everyone. A good performance told a story, but sometimes subtext didn’t register with audiences. Or judges, for that matter, since a few had called it “sexy and flirty,” which was almost an insult to the depth of the message running through the performance.
But my goal on the ice was to evoke emotion in my audience, so there was no wrong answer to what my performances meant. As long as they feltsomething, I’d done my job.
