“I’ll be back with some coffee in a minute,” the waitress said, eyes still on him.
“And a menu,” he reminded her with his toothpaste-ad smile.
“Right, a menu.”
Ben and I leaned back against the bench simultaneously, like we both wanted to keep some distance between us. It was hard for me to believe that he thought he could waltz back into my life and I’d be fine with it.
“So, is this like a peace summit, or...” he trailed off.
“No, this is an ‘air my grievances so I don’t murder you’ talk. I have plenty I need to say to you, and if you’re not willing to hear it I suggest you crawl back to your producers and tell them exactly why I’m refusing to do the show.”
His face went white. “Whoa, whoa, hold on. This is happening, Quinn. Everything’s confirmed. The rest of the crew arrives tomorrow.”
I shrugged a shoulder and felt delightfully petty. “Yes, but you know firsthand how critical it is for me to stay focused right now. I mean, what if I get so worried about you guys interrupting my training schedule that I accidentally injure myself during practicetomorrow?” I widened my eyes and held my hand over my heart. “Oh my goodness,no onewould question me pulling out if that happened, right? And what’s crazy is that all of a sudden my knee’s feeling a little wonky.” I rubbed it and grimaced like I wanted people in the cheap seats to see the show. “Who knows what might go wrong. Can’t you just picture how terrible that would be for you?”
“Youwouldn’t.”
The naked fear in his voice tickled me.
I shrugged again.
Ben scooted closer and leaned closer across the table. “You don’t understand. Ithasto happen. We’re doing this.”
“We?”
“Damn straight,” he replied. I could tell he was aiming for levity but it came off a little nervous.
Something in his expression snagged me. Despite all our baggage I was still a sucker for a hard-luck story. “Why?”
He glanced around, looked down at his hands, then finally back at me. “I actually need this gig.”
“Okay, well, you’re here. You’ve obviously already got it.”
He shook his head. “I don’t,” he said softly. “This is a conditional hire, based on how Italy turns out. And your piece. I’ve done some spotlight interviews for them and it’s a big deal that they gave me an assignment this big as a final trial. I’ve obviously, uh, gone through some dicey scenarios over the past few years. That means the producers aren’t sure they can trust me.”
I love how he spun his bad decision-making as something that happenedtohim, like unexpected speed bumps in the road.
“So... yeah,” Ben continued, “I need everything to be perfect. I’ll beg if I have to.Please, Quinn.”
He clasped his hands under his chin.
I’d suspected that I had a little leverage in the scenario but I never imagined that I was driving the whole damn tow truck. Rather than putting him out of his misery I let him dangle for a bit.
I didn’t respond until I was convinced that he was suitably stressed out.
“If that’s the case, you need to shut up and listen,” I gloated.
Chapter Five
We both fake-smiled at the waitress when she came back with coffee.
“Okay, I’m listening,” Ben said softly after she walked away.
And that was a big part of the problem. For all his good-time party-guy vibes, I knew firsthand that Ben was a phenomenal listener. Once he was locked in, it was too easy to crack open your heart and reveal the messy contents to him. And his advice? Nearly as good as my therapist’s.
I’d always hoped that I’d get this reckoning with Ben. I’d envisioned it would play out like we were in a movie, with music swelling as I made point after devastating point, until Ben looked suitably regretful for what happened between us.
Ordidn’thappen.
