He said it as if it was shocking, but I guess given the way I was usually a deer in the headlights in his presence, he probably assumed that I was a sure thing.
I fidgeted as the cup started to scald my fingertips. “Oh yeah, I’m sorry about that. It turns out there was a fire in the apartment below mine, and everything was a mess on Saturday night.”
“Noway.” He widened his eyes. “You good?”
I opted to embellish a little. “It was dicey for a while, but yeah, we’re fine now.”
I glanced over at Meredith to see if she was watching, but she was still glued to her phone.
“Maybe you and I can get a make good on the books?” Kai asked. “Dinner?”
In any other version of my story, this would be the climax. The moment I’d flipped my life upside down to reach. Instead, it felt hollow.
I finally put the hot cup down on the counter. “You know what? I have to be honest with you. I’m not in a great headspace for social stuff right now, because I’m going through some professional changes that are sort of terrifying. I really need to focus on my work for the next few months.”
I was expecting some sort of bro-tantrum, but Kai was nodding good-naturedly before I even finished speaking.
“I feel you,” he said. “Been there. Hey, no foul. I’ll see you around CPA, and if you ever want to play, I’m in. Grip literally told meyesterdaythat you’re incredible.”
My heart dropped to my feet. Despite everything that had happened between us, Owen was still talking me up to Kai.
“He’s a phenomenal coach,” I replied, working hard to keep my expression neutral.
“Like I told you, he only coaches the best of the best, so don’t give him all the credit.”
It was the second time he’d mentioned it, so either it was a humblebrag about his own skills or there was a grain of truth to whom Owen opted to work with.
Which obviously made zero sense given where I’d started out.
“Anyway, good luck getting your shit done,” Kai said. He pumped a fist. “I believe in you, Brooke!”
Yeah, he was still a golden retriever.
“Thanks.” I laughed despite myself. “That makes one of us.”
I grabbed my coffee and walked back to my chair, mulling over the brief conversation. Kai was dangerously hot, and lighthearted, and probably fun as hell, but I finally realized thathe didn’t fill my cup. I’d wasted so much time chasing after anideaof a person, instead of investing in the one who actually mattered to me, in so many ways.
The one who’d been right in front of me the whole time.
Meredith looked at me with wide eyes as I sat down across from her, dealing with her own existential crisis. “Am I making a mistake? Be honest.”
“Mere,no. You’ve wanted this forever.”
“But it’s really expensive,” she whispered.
“This is Manhattan,” I whispered back.
“What if no one comes?”
“That’ll never happen, but worst case, you’ll be out of the lease in two years.”
“Hold on, hold on—pause for a sec.” Meredith squinted at me like she was seeing me for the first time. “What’s going on with you? Are you okay?”
I knew she’d eventually figure out that I was in a bad place. I hadn’t wanted to get into it with her, especially because she was in her own big life-defining moment. Add to it the fact that she’d been quietly pro-Owen since day one, and I knew the conversation was about to get uncomfortable.
“I’ve been better.”
I reluctantly spilled the whole story, from the Owen-trauma to leaving Liaison and finishing with the Kai run-in, which she somehow managed to miss.
