“I never heard a word back from you, Chelsea. I told you everything I’d been feeling, about you, aboutus, and you didn’t respond.” His face looked wounded as he recounted it.
I felt like my brain was tripping over itself as I tried to piece together my version of that night and what Andrew was telling me. “I sort of did the same thing in my text. And when you didn’t reply...”
But I knew now that he understood what it felt like. A heartfelt confession to radio silence.
“I still have my message,” he said. “I forced myself to read it every time I was tempted to reach out to you, to stop from embarrassing myself again. I figured you wanted nothing to do with me if you didn’t respond to the things I said.” He fished his phone out of his pocket, tapped the screen a few times, then reached over to hand it to me. “I wound up hating myself for sending it.”
I felt like my entire body was tensed as I took the phone from him. It was a screenshot of a long message and my eyes started to swim as I tried to make sense of the first line.
“Read it out loud,” he said.
My voice caught in my throat, but I forced myself to say the words.
“I think I’ve loved you from the first time I saw you.”
Tears flooded my eyes as I looked up at him. He nodded slowly, then jutted his chin at the phone in my hand, encouraging me to keep going.
I could barely manage a whisper as I kept reading. “Have you ever noticed that I’m always watching you?” I stopped to take a deep breath, to once again reassess what I’d believed versus what I was now learning. “I try not to, but I can’t help it. I wantto know who’s making you laugh, and what makes you happy, so I can be the one to make you feel that way. All I’m asking for is a chance, to show you how good we could be together. I never thought I’d be lucky enough to kiss you, and now that I have it’s all I can think about. Everything changed tonight. You kissed me like you meant it. Tell me I’m not imagining it. Please tell me you care about me too.”
I bowed my head and surrendered to the tears I’d been holding back. He loved me. His eyes were always on me because helovedme.
Andrew slid across the couch and wrapped me in his arms, drawing me against his chest and circling me in a tight hug. I exhaled as my body relaxed against his. He stroked my hair and pressed his lips to the top of my head.
“I thought you hated me,” I whispered as hot tears slid down my cheeks. I felt his laugh rumble against the side of my body.
“I hated that I felt like I didn’t have a chance with you, because there was no Kierkegaard in my backpack.”
“Stop.” I squeezed his arm. I didn’t want to go back to thinking about all the ways we’d been wrong about each other.
He held me close until my breathing evened out.
“What did your text say?” Andrew asked softly.
I always felt a little seasick when I thought about the gibberish I’d sent him, but after hearing what he’d written I sort of wished I could remember the whole thing, gushing included. “I deleted it as soon as I got a new phone. I couldn’t stand to look at it, especially after I didn’t hear back from you. All I remember is the line that said, ‘I wish I wasn’t so obsessed with you.’ ”
“Obsessed? Seriously?”
I nodded against his chest. “I tried really,reallyhard to fight it.”
“Why would you do that?” he murmured as he stroked my back.
I let out a long sigh.
“Because I felt like you were the sun and I was a storm cloud. I thought you were the most beautiful, joyful, shiny thing I’d ever seen. Youglowed, Andrew. Effortlessly. You made everyone around you happy and you didn’t even have to try. It was just... you.” He squeezed me a little tighter. “I guess I felt like we didn’t make sense together.”
“Well, that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard,” he grumbled.
I laughed. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
My stomach bottomed out as I thought about all the times I’d lied to myself about my feelings for Andrew. If I peeled everything back I realized that there was a little jealousy at the core of it all too. I didn’t just want him, I wanted to belikehim.
“How is it possible both messages didn’t get delivered?” Andrew asked before I could get too caught up in psychoanalyzing myself.
I made a disgusted noise and pointed to my phone on the coffee table in front of me. “Android. Between the spotty service out on the water and getting a new phone the next day I think they both got lost in the vortex. The fates were against us.”
He stroked my back. “And look, we still found our way back to each other.”
My heart thrummed in my chest, but I still managed to let all the remaining tension in my body ebb away.
