He watched them go by, then threw his hands up. “Why? I know exactly what he’s going to say before he says it. ‘You made a mistake. Being an entrepreneur is a constant struggle. Youhave no financial security.’ The man has never been shy about telling me the many ways I’ve fucked up. Even mymajorwas an issue. He wanted me to study business.”
For a moment I envisioned young Andrew fighting with his father about college. The feel-good sunshine guy had kept some secrets.
“But if you bring him to see what you’ve created, just the two of you...” Andrew was shaking his head before I even finished.
“Don’t you realize that with the building up for sale he’s going to think he wasright? I made a risky move and it’s going to bite me in the ass, and he’ll get to say ‘I told you so.’ ”
I hung my head. It didn’t have to be like this for Andrew. I had the power to right the collision course he was on. It was in front of me, but somehow it still felt out of reach.
“And why does it even matter? What’s the point in trying?” he asked, the pain of our conversation clear in his voice.
The German band kicked up in the distance to give us the world’s most inappropriate soundtrack for our conversation. I steeled myself for what I had to say because it wasn’t a conversation I had lightly. I couldn’t go there with my family, or Sam, but I felt like I had to with Andrew. Maybe dropping into that raw place with him would help him understand how important it was to try to find common ground with his father, before it was too late.
“Why does it matter? Because the day will come when your father won’t be here, and you’ll regret all the times you never told him you loved him.” Tears pooled in my eyes, but I blinked them back. “The hugs you never gave him. It’ll be too late,Andrew, and all you’ll have are the memories of missed opportunities. And I guarantee it’ll absolutely gut you.”
He moved his chair closer to mine so he could rest his hand on my knee, his face tender with concern. “Is that... is that how it was with your dad?”
I wiped my nose with the back of my glove then shook my head. “No. We were lucky. We took every chance we could to hug or say we loved each other. But I can’t even imagine how much worse the pain of losing him would be if we hadn’t been able to.” I paused to see how he was taking everything and he was locked on to me. I pushed on. “Andrew, I know your dad isn’t perfect. Obviously no one is, but he’s your dad, and I think you should at least try. If it doesn’t go well, then at least you’ll know that you did your best. You’ll have that peace of mind.”
He took his hand off my knee and leaned back against the chair, staring off into the distance. There was a weight in him that was probably always there but buried so deep that it didn’t even register, which was why none of us ever had a clue. Like an old injury that the surrounding muscles worked to compensate for. Andrew’s positivity and the darkness I was seeing now couldn’t coexist in him.
“Are you upset with me for talking about it?” I asked in a small voice.
“Never,” he shot back immediately.
I wasn’t about to overstep any more than I had. I gnawed on the inside of my cheek, worrying that I’d ruined the night.
“Thanks for saying it,” he said softly.
I nodded and felt some of the tension drain from my body, making room for the chill in the air. I shivered and crossed myarms, only to feel a crack against my chest. I pulled the cookie into the light. “I broke it!”
Andrew chuckled. “Honestly, they taste like shit, so it’s no big deal.”
“Will you tell me what it means?”
He shook his head.
I craned my neck to scan the crowd. “Not a dirndl in sight.”
“The night is young.” He stood up and held out his hand to me. “C’mon, let’s get some food.”
I grabbed it, wishing there was no glove between us. “Yes, we have the very German food choices of subs, Philly cheesesteaks, or gyros.”
He pulled me closer and I leaned into his warmth. “None of which you eat. There’s gotta be some veg options somewhere.”
“I’m not actually hungry, but Iamcold.” I dodged a double-wide stroller that was headed straight for us.
“I’m not hungry either,” Andrew said, raising an eyebrow at me. “If I told you I was cold too would it convince you that we should go back to your place immediately?”
The implication of what he was suggesting suddenly became clear. “Oh yes. These temperatures are downright unhealthy. And you’re always cold, am I right?”
“Brr,” he said unconvincingly. “Whatever could we do to warm up?” He sounded like a kid in a high school play.
I struggled to maintain a straight face. “I’ve heard that body heat is the best way to help someone suffering from hypothermia.”
He nodded sagely. “Ah, so that’s my diagnosis? Hypothermia? Sounds really bad.”
“Indeed.” I frowned up at him. “Severe. We should probably begin treatment immediately.”
