“Because I want to.”
She’s looking at me with a skeptical range of emotions on her face but I just stand there ready to help with her shirt. She hesitates for a few more seconds before agreeing and letting me pull the shirt over her head, helping slip her arms through the designated holes and dropping the towel.
Again, I kneel on the ground even though my leg is killing me. She holds onto my shoulder stepping into the small underwear shorts I’ve seen her wear. When I stand up I get a good look at her face. She looks tired, eyes still red rimmed and I want to know what caused this breakdown.
“I’m going to lay down,” she murmurs, walking toward her room, as I follow.
She climbs in, laying on the edge, but I’m not leaving.
“Scoot over,” I instruct.
She looks up at me surprised. I kick off my shoes before climbing onto the bed, scooting her over myself.
Without another word I wrap my arms around her, pulling her into me. She stiffens, and I expect a fight, but after several seconds she melts into me with a sigh. And we stay just like this.
Finally, I manage to ask, “What happened?”
She stiffens again, but I don’t loosen my grip around her. She remains silent for a while, and I think she’s not going to say anything, but finally she does and I feel my own shoulders drop in relief that she’s talking.
“I’m leaving to see my brother and sister tomorrow.”
“And that gave you a panic attack?”
“I haven’t seen them in over ten years.”
I pull her into me a little more, hoping it’s providing the comfort I want it to. I’ve never needed to be the comfort for someone before and I’m not sure I’m doing this right. That’s why I don’t try to fill the silence, I just wait for her to continue.
“I’m flying to Denver in the morning, but I shouldn’t go.”
“Why not?”
She’s quiet again, but doesn’t try to leave my arms either.
“Because we had a shitty childhood. Really shitty. We’re all better apart and I don’t want to be the reason their lives fall apart again.”
That comment makes me tense. “Why the fuck would you think that?”
“I just do,” she says softly.
I sigh, not grasping her thought process, but I also don’t know the extent of what they all went through as children either.
Before I can think too much about it, I offer up the first thing that pops into my mind. “I’ll come with you.”
“What?” She sits up quickly, looking at me.
“I’ll join you, and if and when you want to leave, we will.”
She shakes her head. “No, you don’t have to do that.”
I put my hand on the one she has resting on my chest. “I know I don’t have to. I want to.”
“No way, plane tickets are way too expensive.”
“I’ll pay for it.”
“You don’t know anyone there.”
“I know you.”
