“No shit, but I have to keep looking forward to something to keep me sane in this mess.”
“We’ll be going home soon.”
“Then what’re you going to do besides eat?”
I shrug.
“You’re reenlisting, aren’t you?”
This shouldn’t come as a shock. I’m sure it doesn’t, but maybe he thought I would change my mind. “This is a career for me, man. I’m in for life.”
“You’re just built different.” He shakes his head, focusing ahead once again.
I never saw myself doing anything else. I knew this was going to be my job, and as soon as I flew an Apache for the first time I knew there was no going back. This is my life. Nothing else could ever compare.
Except that choice was taken from me, and I didn’t get to make it my career or my life. Everything I ever thought I would have was snatched away in a single moment. Now, here I am, no clear direction, filling my days with anything that gives me some semblance of feeling.
All while the vision for my life remains unfocused because the only thing I ever saw was shattered.
Somehow the only thing that’s given me any sort of feeling lately has been Bailey.
The control she gives me, and the way she doesn’t give it easily. The way I’m able to go to a different space in my mind with her. It’s something that makes mefeelfor the first time in a long while.
My mind is distracted from the flashback of one of the good times from the Army, but it doesn’t make it any easier to sleep. Especially thinking about how Bailey looked when I left and the restraint I had to walk out that door.
Leaving her house, while she was naked, wet, kneeling, and covered in my cum was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. But I want her even more desperate. This game we’re playing feels a lot like playing with fire, and despite the fact that we might both go up in flames, I’m not afraid of beingburned.
She makes me want to push both our limits, which is exactly what I intend to do. My relationships aren’t always…conventional. And while we haven’t discussed limits or boundaries outside of a safe word, I can tell Bailey likesthis.
She wants to continue to push my buttons. To get punished and I want to give it to her. When she deserves it she will get rewarded. But I’ll enjoy every step along the way.
Her lights are off right now. I could go over there, see how she reacts and what other punishments I could inflict. Maybe next time I’ll let her come so many times she can’t see straight, until she’s begging me tostop.
She’s going to drive me out of my mind with everything I want to do to her and with her. My dick is hard in my boxers, but I don’t touch it. Not unless she’s here to watch. Maybe tied up to my bed, helpless to do anything but look. She could beg, plead, and try to move but I’d just ignore her. I’d make her watch as I brought myself to another release.
I drag a hand down my face, needing a distraction. Anything to pull my mind away from the thing I can’t have right now. I need to shift into safer territory that won’t send me spiraling into the weight of old memories.
I pull on sweatpants and a T-shirt before grabbing my keys and heading out. I keep my eye on Bailey’s house as I turn my car on, waiting to see if she’ll appear and yell at me for the loud engine. If she does, I don’t think I could stop myself from getting out, bending her over the hood, and giving her exactly what she deserves.
Nothing happens, and I’m not going to sit here forever, so I take off driving to nowhere in particular.
While I’ll never fly again, this is the closest I can get to feeling free. Empty roads, windows down, music blaring. It’s almost good enough.Almost. It’s enough to keep the booming sounds from that tragic day at bay. Enough to keep me from thinking about the burning sensation in my leg. Enough to drown out the yells from the people around me.
It’s all just enough.
But like always, it comes back. It always does, because nothing about that day ever truly goes away. It never will. No matter how badly I want to forget about it, it lingers—etched into me—because I live with the aftermath every single day.
All while people I knew—friends—don’t get to live at all.
Jameson and Suttonare on their honeymoon, so I’m helping out with his property like he asked. Honestly, it’s got me thinking maybe I should get some land and a few farm animals of my own. It would keep me busy and I could use that.
Bruno came with me, and he sticks close by my side. At first, I was worried he would try to run off, but it’s the exact opposite. It’s like he’s afraid to get more than a few feet from my hip. The farthest he went was into the barn. He approached one of the horses, the large spotted one named Juniper. Everything seemed okay until she let out a puff of air through her nose, and Bruno jumped back, pressing his sideagainst my leg.
I pet his head. “It’s okay. I don’t think she’ll hurt you, but we can tell Gloria not to let you go to a home with horses.”
I make sure all the animals are fed, and the horses are brought out to the pasture for the day, when I hear another car approaching. Bruno follows behind me as I exit the barn, and I recognize the white SUV pulling up. I can’t help the small smirk that appears on my lips while I fold my arms across my chest and lean against the entrance, waiting for her to notice me.
She’s not looking up right away. I see the moment she notices me while stepping out of the car, pausing before she shuts the door. Her eyes narrow, while mine remain still.
