She doesn’t get into bed with me right away and I reach for her, but she’s already too far.
“I’m just going to shut the backdoor.”
“I got it,” I grunt, swinging my legs off the bed, but I’m pushed back gently.
“You stay right here, I’ll be back I promise.”
I don’t like that she’s leaving me here like this, I feel like she’s not going to come back. She just said that stuff downstairs in the moment. My eyelids get heavy, but I fight it off because if she’s not coming back then I’m grabbing another bottle.
She walks back in and I try to speak, but it doesn’t work. Not even as she’s climbing into the bed with me. My limbs feel heavy, but I manage to pull her against me before I give up the fight to let my eyes fall shut.
CHAPTER 47
Bailey
I don’t knowwhat I expected to see when I walked into Wes’s house. But it wasn’t what I found. I never thought I would see the man, larger than life, quiet, and reserved, the one I’ve fallen completely in love with, so broken.
He’s holding me like his life depends on it, and maybe it does. Clearly, he needs more help than I’m going to be able to give him. I just hope that he’ll be open to asking for it. He’s been closed off for so long, refusing to acknowledge the demons he obviously carries around. I hope he’s ready to heal.
I struggle to fall asleep, just in case Wes ends up waking up, but his body clearly needs the rest and he doesn’t stir all night. Maybe that’s why after several hours, I’m able to let sleep pull me under as well.
When I wake up, I’m still plastered against Wes while he’s on his back with one arm across his face, covering his eyes. At first I think he’s still sleeping until he shifts. I sit up and he removes his arm so I can see the bags under his red eyes. The defeated look on his face has me feeling dejected.
“Thank you.” His voice is rough and it sounds painful for him to get the words out.
“I’m going to get some water,” I say, knowing if I mention it’s for him he will refuse it.
When I return with the two glasses he’s sitting on the side of the bed. His shirt is laying on the floor and he’s holding his head in his hands. I set the glasses on the nightstand next to him, and kneel on the floor.
“I was going to get in the shower, but this is as far as I got,” he admits. I can tell it’s tough for him to say, but it already feels like progress.
“Do you want help?” I offer.
“No, I just need a minute.”
I sigh. Placing a hand on his knee. “Wes, it’s okay to admit you need help sometimes.”
He puts his own hand over mine. “I know, but I don’t want you thinking I’m any weaker than you already do.”
I force myself between his legs, reaching up to hold his cheeks, his beard scratches my palms as I make him look at me. “I don’t think you’re weak. I never have, and never could. I want to help you.Pleaselet me help you.”
He clenches his jaw, and I know it’s hard for him to accept help, let alone ask for it. When he nods I know that’s all I’m going to get. But it feels like the first step in the rightdirection.
I help him get into the shower, and stay close by but don’t get in with him. My body is screaming to be close to him, but I don’t want to fall into old habits of having sex to avoid everything else. This is too important to distract ourselves with orgasms just because it’s easy. We know we can do that. He can get the control he thinks he needs from me and my body, but what he actuallyneedsis control over his life again.
I do what he did for me when I needed him. I get clothes for him to change into when he gets out of the shower and he doesn’t even fight me on it. I can see cleaning up helped him a little bit, though. He doesn’t look as tired, though I’m sure his hangover is awful.
After he’s dressed again, he sits on the edge of his bed, and says something I never thought I would hear him say.
“I want to tell you about what happened, the reason I’m…like this.”
I nod, sitting next to him. “I want to hear about it, but I would never push you.”
Wes puts his hand on my thigh, just resting it there while he seems to gather his thoughts. I wait for whatever he’s going to tell me. Getting some of it out seems like another good step, even though I think we both know he needs a therapist. But if he wants to tell me, I’m here.
“I should’ve told you sooner. We were deployed, I’m not supposed to talk about where, but just know it wasn’t a fun place. We were doing our normal inspections on the helicopters before taking off when we were attacked.” He pauses, staring off at the floor as he continues. “There were explosions all around us as the missiles fell from the sky. We took cover, but I tried to helpsome of the injured guys. I couldn’t get to them in time, though.”
I squeeze his hand resting on my thigh, silently letting him know that I’m here, and that he’s safe to keep going with me.
