The cold seemed to help my senses wake. I already had forgotten the funeral service. I couldn’t picture the flowers or hear the songs. I didn’t remember the words Pastor Bron had said. I couldn’t remember people crying. Surely there had been crying. We’d been at the Durkes’ house for three days previous. We hadn’t stopped crying.
With my nose and ears stinging from the cold, I noticed I wasn’t the only one lined up in the folding chairs beside Donnie’s grave. Sue and Chuck had placed Jed and me with Mandy and Maudra in the front row, with the rest of the immediate family. The rest of the area under the tent was taken up by random aunts, uncles, and cousins.
I glanced around. There were people everywhere. Easily several hundred. Most had umbrellas opened. None of it seemed right. The cold, the ice, the grayness,the black clothes and umbrellas everywhere. It was all the exact opposite of who Donnie was.
As I looked down our row, I started to think about our plans to move. How could we? There was Mandy, both her hands wrapped around her belly swollen under her black dress, her eyes puffy and red but no longer crying. Zephyra, resting her head on Jed’s shoulder. Della and Sue neither had been able to stop crying even for a moment for days. Chuck held little Blaire on his lap as she cried into his chest. Nolan held Willow and Savannah in his arms, both sleeping. One of my hands was held by Jed, the other by Maudra. I felt her squeeze it, and I glanced over. She smiled at me tenderly. I tried to return it, but I couldn’t feel my face move. After her initial breakdown, she had returned to the strong Maudra, taking care of everyone else in the family.
I tried to listen to what Tyler was saying on the other side of the casket, but I couldn’t make sense of it. I looked at the red-and-white rose spray on top of Donnie’s casket. I felt myself start to get angry again. I couldn’t seem to remain sad for very long. I stayed furious. I felt robbed. Not only had we lost Donnie, but we hadn’t even been able to see him to say good-bye. It had been a closed casket funeral. Even in the viewing the night before, we proceeded in a line to say good-bye to the top of his shining redwood casket.
The wreck had done too much damage for them to repair. After being thrown from his truck, he had been hit by a trailer whose driver hadn’t seen his body in the dark in enough time to stop. We’d thought he was dead from the moment his truck crashed; however, on the second day after his death, the police got an anonymous call. The caller wouldn’t give his name. The only thing the police could tell was that itwas a man. It seemed his guilty conscience had gotten the best of him, but not enough to actually turn himself in. He said that he had driven by Donnie’s wreck and seen him lying on the road. He had gotten scared and kept driving. It was after this that the trailer came along. We’re not sure if he had been alive or not after the wreck, but there was a good chance he had been. And, if he was, if that man had stopped, Donnie could have been saved. Instead, his casket had to remain closed.
The worst part of the day was standing there in a row beside Donnie’s casket as person after person walked by to shake our hands, give us a hug, or say some inane, trite comment of how all works out for good. Someone actually told Sue they hoped Donnie had realized he was going to die after his wreck and had time to pray for forgiveness. Without missing a beat, Sue let them know that Donnie had been filled with Christ’s love more than they could ever be.
That was the one exception, though. Everyone else was very appropriately cordial and meaningless. I soon quit trying to say anything to them as they walked by, I just nodded and held out my hand.
Out of nowhere, Rose was in front of me. It took me a second to realize who she was; she was so out of place.
She looked at me, almost hesitantly. “I’m sorry about Donnie, Brooklyn. I know how much he meant to you. I always liked him.”
At first I thought she was going to throw in some sort of barb, but she didn’t. I was amazed when I realized she genuinely looked sad. I managed not to flinch when she raised her good arm to put it around me.
After a second, I lowered myself and put my arms around her as well. “Thanks, Mom.”
I didn’t see her again the rest of the day. I have no idea how she got there. Agnes Jenkins told me later that she didn’t drive her. The rest of the procession passed in a blur with the exception of Mr. Michaels, who also surprised me by giving me a hug and telling me how sorry he was.
As they started to lower Donnie’s casket, I noticed a bunch of kids from the youth group crowded in a small circle several feet away. I motioned for them to come over. Darwin led the crowd, followed by Bubba, Alyson, and a couple of others I remembered from my night at the youth group.
Sue managed to cry harder when she saw the kids. She hugged each of them and gave them roses from his casket to toss into his grave.
Epilogue
Itwas easily over 110 degrees with a near 100 percent humidity. I was drenched in sweat.
“I swore I would never come to this damned picnic again.” I let out a curse as I pulled my shoe up to reveal a long string of pink gum. “Only Ozarkians would choose to have a carnival in the middle of July!”
“Oh, come on. It’s kinda fun.” Jed grinned at me as he wiped the sweat off his forehead and took another bite. “Plus, the corndogs are fantastic!”
“You’re crazy. It’s like having a party in Hell, only hotter!” I looked around at the carnival workers setting up rides on Main Street. “These carnies are a little suspicious-looking as well.”
“Really? Did you see that cute one at the Tilt-A-Whirl?”
“He was probably twenty years old and covered in grease!”
“Sounds good to me!” Jed gave me an exaggerated wink and poked me in the side with his elbow.
“You’re disgusting!” I poked him back and started to suggest getting a funnel cake when I felt my pocket vibrate. I pulled out my phone. “Hold on, I got a text.”
He just nodded and took another huge bite.
“It’s Zephyra.”
I grinned at him, and his eyes widened.
“It’s time?”
“Yeah!”
Wewaited with the rest of the family for an hour in the waiting room before Tyler came to get us.
