She turned back to me and smiled sweetly. “Don’t pretend you wouldn’t love it, Son.”
I started to retort something back, but she changed the subject.
“Has the church had their kids’ program yet?”
I waited for her to keep going, maybe add some type of pedophile comment. She didn’t. I spoke carefully, waiting for her to pounce. “It’s tonight, actually. We’re going right after we leave here. After the kids get done, they’re having their candlelight service.”
Jed took over. “It should be really beautiful. You could come with us if you like.”
I glared at him. He didn’t notice, but Rose did.
“As much as I would like to go out with you, church isn’t really the place I had in mind. I don’t think Brooklyn would be too happy to have me go either.”
I kept decorating the tree, pretending to not hear.
“I used to go to that church, you know. Once in a while. Sue would pester me enough that I would finally give in, just to shut her up.” She turned to Jed. “I was even there for one of those Christmas programs the kids do. Brooke was dressed up like one of the stars that led those damned wise men.” She let out a laugh. “The star was made out of yellow cardboard and had some sparkly shit all over the edges. Brooke’s was the biggest star, probably twice as big as the other kids. He was so fat!” She laughed for real now. “Never forgot that picture. My fat little fairy, up there in glitter, singing his fat little head off!”
I wheeled on her, ready to tell her off, but stopped abruptly when I saw her face. Her eyes were closed, and she had a genuine smile on her face. I glanced at Jed who was looking at me with raised eyebrows. I looked back at her. Was she truly enjoying a memory of me?
With another chuckle, she opened her eyes and caught me staring at her. Her smile dropped and the far-off gaze in her eyes hardened. “You were such a fat little boy. Always made me ashamed that something so fat could come from me.”
For once, her comments weren’t able to get to me. I was certain of what I had seen, and I knew she didn’t mean what she had said about me being fat either. Not even when she was drunk would she say anything mean about my weight when I was a kid. In fact, she would often comfort me when other kids made fun of me. It wasn’t until I got thin in junior high that she began to use fat remarks when she was angry.
The tree didn’t take long to finish, and even though we hadn’t bought very many decorations, it looked nice and made the horrible little house feel a little cozier and cheerful. It seemed to have an effect on Rose as well. Shedidn’t say anything else negative the rest of the evening. She didn’t even flirt with Jed. It was the most pleasant night we had spent together since I had returned.
Twenty-Four
Theremaining days until Christmas passed in a blur. It snowed lightly every day, adding layer upon layer. There was no ice, however, and it snowed slowly enough that the plows were able to keep the streets clear. It promised to be one of the prettiest Christmases I had ever seen. Jed was beside himself with excitement. He wanted to know why we hadn’t moved here sooner. I told him to wait till summer and ask that again.
Rose had always celebrated Christmas on Christmas Eve. I wasn’t sure whether that was a tradition left over from her childhood, or if it was her own concoction to get out of the Christmas celebrations with the rest of the family. Jed and I told her we would celebrate Christmas Eve with her and then spend Christmas Day with the Durkes. Donnie came with us a day or so before and formally invited her to come over Christmas Day. As always, she was sweet and charming with him, somehow able to find the balance between being genuinely friendly and not flirting. I don’t think I will ever understand how she has so much contempt for the Durkes but has always liked Donnie. Then again, I’d never found anyone who didn’t like Donnie. Even though she was nice to him, she told him that she would rather go to church than come over for Christmas Day with the rest of the family.
Christmas Eve was surprisingly enjoyable. Rose was on her best behavior. She almost seemed happy. Jed and I cooked pork chops and stuffing. It was her favorite meal. I thought I was dreaming when she gave me a compliment by telling me what a good job I did on thechops. I kept waiting for the axe to fall, but it never did. Rose was thrilled with her DVD player and the movies we had gotten her. She said she had always wanted one of those but had never been able to afford it. It took all my power not to remind her of the thousands and thousands of dollars she had spent on alcohol over the years. If she hadn’t been so pleasant, I probably would have. The night gave me hope that things really could get better, and we would finally find a way to get along and be a real family, a hope that hadn’t crossed my mind in well over a decade.
Eventhough we told Rose that we wouldn’t be out to see her Christmas Day, I felt somewhat guilty as we got up and got ready to go to the Durkes’, especially after our pleasant evening the night before. We helped Maudra load the food she’d made into the back of her car and then headed over to Rose’s before joining Maudra at Sue and Chuck’s.
I was certain she wouldn’t be awake yet, since it was a couple of hours before noon, but I thought we could at least wake her up and wish her a good Christmas. As we got closer to her house, we saw an old pickup truck, without its bed, in her driveway.
“Uh-oh.” Jed’s voice was wary. “This isn’t going to be good.” He looked over at me. “Maybe we should come back this evening.”
“What? Why?” I looked at the truck closer as we pulled up beside it. “Rose never has company. We need to make sure she’s okay.”
“I don’t think she’s in any trouble, Brooke.”
I gave him an impatient glance and hopped out of the car. Not only was the door unlocked, as normal, but it was open several inches. My nerves went into overdrive. Who would break in on Christmas? And why would theybreak into Mom’s house? She had nothing anyone could possibly steal, except a DVD player, but who would know about that?
I pushed the door the rest of the way open and stepped in as Jed followed a few paces behind me. I felt my tense muscles slacken as I looked at the room. The Christmas tree lights were on and twinkling but didn’t look cheery any longer. There were three or four wine bottles on the floor and several empty beer cans. There was a stained white T-shirt and a pair of jeans crumpled on the floor beside Rose’s recliner.
Jed pulled on my arm. “Come on, babe. Let’s leave. We can come by later tonight.”
“What are you talking about? This is crazy. We need to make sure that….” Then I heard what Jed must have heard, what Jed must have realized the entire time. Sounds that brought me back to childhood more than any other sound, other than yelling and cursing, anyway. Without thinking, I pulled loose from Jed’s tugging and took the few steps to Rose’s bedroom and flung open the door.
They didn’t hear the door open or maybe didn’t care. I saw the hairy back and even hairier ass raised up on the bed. “What the hell are you doing?” I hated the sound in my voice.
The hairy ass quit moving, and an ugly bald head twisted around to look at me. Like the rest of him, his face was fat and covered with hair. Unlike the rest of his body, though, the hair on his face was splotchy, like it couldn’t quite figure out how to grow. His voice was thick and gravelly. “Fucking. What’s it look like, dumbass? Who the fuck are you?”
Rose’s voice came from beneath him. “Goddamn it, Clayton, get off me. That’s my no-good queer son.”
He rolled off her, and she managed to cover herself up with her good hand.
