I was halfway up the curving walk before I even realized I’d moved. I glanced back. The gate was shut. I made my way up the rest of the path and up the steps that led to the covered porch. I glanced over at the porch swing. I could sit there, just swinging. That could be a good life.
I heard myself knock on the door. My hand dropped back to my side and hung motionless.
The reflection in the glass panels of the door confirmed that I looked like I felt. I looked dead—bags under my eyes, cheeks sunken, mouth lifeless and unexpressive, hair and clothes limp and dripping. Maudra would probably open the door and think I was a zombie, turn tail, and dash away screaming. I wondered if I would laugh.
Maudra stood before me suddenly. I hadn’t even noticed the door opening. I just looked at her.
“Well, bless my cotton-pickin’ soul, boy. You did take ferever. I ’spected you hours ago.” Maudra had always looked the part of a Victorian lady who had somehow managed to find herself in a time far different than her own. As soon as she opened her mouth, however, the illusion would vanish. She reached out and pulled me by the arm through the front door. “Well, it sure is good ta see ya, Brooke. I’ve rightly missed havin’ ya ’round here. How long it been now? Ten years? Well, how’d I ever know? Can’t keep time straight. Fer all I know, it mighta been a hundred.”
She brushed past me and shut the door with a glance outside. I noticed I was dripping on her wood floor. Trying to wipe the water off my arms onto my shirt, I just caused more water to flow off me.
“Don’t you fret ’bout that. I’ll git that cleaned up in a shake.” She looked me over from head to toe. “I’d like ta say you were a sight fer sore eyes, but you just a sight making my eyes sore.” She chuckled to herself, amused. “Let me git ya upstairs, and you can take a hot bath. Dinner’s already done, but it’s just stew; it can stay on the stove fer a while longer.”
She motioned for me to follow, so I did. She led me up the stairs. We took a right, and she pointed to a room onthe left. “That’ll be yer bedroom, Brooke. Let me know if ya need anything. Got a ton more blankets and stuff in the linen closet. You jist say the word.” She then turned and gestured to the room directly across the hallway. “Here’s yer bathroom. The toilet is one of them old-fashioned ones. It flushes rill loud, so don’t you let it startle ya.” She put her hand on my back and gently pushed me into the bathroom. “You take a hot bath. A long hot bath. Looks like you need one in a bad way. Towels are ’neath the sink. Change yer clothes, then come on down when yer ready. And I will expect you to be talkin’ by then.”
I managed to force myself to meet her gaze. “Thanks, Maudra.” I could barely hear my own voice.
She placed a soft, unbelievably wrinkled hand on my cheek. “Never you mind, Brooke. You always welcome here. Fer as long as you need.” She took a step back and smiled at me tenderly. “It’s obvious you’ve been through a rough go of it. If’n you wanna talk ’bout it sometime, I’m all ears. If’n ya don’t, that’s fine too. And, don’t worry ’bout your mamma. She don’t know you’s here yet.”
I satin the bathtub, feet straight out in front of me, hands floating lifelessly at my thighs, for what seemed like days. I was afraid to think. What if I started to think about all that had happened, all that I’d lost? What if I had to admit that I was back to where I started; where I swore I’d never return? I couldn’t let myself think about all I’d have to face over the next few days and weeks. Shit, what I would have to face for the rest of my life.
The water began to cool. I emptied the tub and filled it up again. The water was scalding to the pointwhere I could barely stand it. It was nice to feel something. My skin quickly went from pink to red, but I forced myself to sink even deeper until the water rose over my chest, and only my head and knees were poking out of the water. I examined my waterlogged, wrinkly fingertips and ran them gingerly over my red forearms, seemingly fascinated by the tingly sensation.
Slowly, the heat from the water seemed to seep life back into me, some form of life at any rate. I began to feel more alert. I realized I’d been in here a ridiculous amount of time. Maudra was probably starving downstairs. I needed to have some amount of manners. I braced both hands on the edges of the cast-iron bathtub and pushed myself up. I watched myself in the mirror as I toweled off. I looked better after the bath. My skin was still bright pink, but at least I looked alive. Even my hair seemed a little fuller. Only my eyes remained dull and numb. I practiced smiling. The first several were clearly grimaces. When had I smiled last? Surely it wasn’t this hard to smile. Finally, after several more attempts, I accomplished a grin that was somewhat pleasant, if not cheerful. It would have to do.
Irritably, I remembered I hadn’t brought in my suitcases. With a scowl, I forced my legs into my soggy jeans. I’d just run back out in the rain real fast and grab them out of the car before I went to find Maudra.
As I left the bathroom, I glanced into my bedroom. It was a beautiful space. Light yellow curtains and a cream-colored bedspread warmed up the soft white room. It was fresh and cheerful. I was sure my presence would bring a shadow to dampen it to a dull gray. With surprise, I noticed my suitcases standing side by side at the foot of the mahogany bed. In silent thanks to Maudra, I picked up thelarger suitcase and placed it on the bed. After unzipping it, I pulled out socks and underwear, my favorite pair of jeans, and a simple light blue T-shirt. I managed to tear off the clinging wet jeans and toweled off again. After I got dressed and hung up my wet clothes over the bathtub, I forced myself to head downstairs to find Maudra.
Although it had been years since I’d been in Maudra’s house, very little had changed, and I remembered my way around. I went back downstairs and passed the door I’d come in, then through the formal living room. As a kid, I’d never noticed all the antique furniture that filled every usable space. Everything was clean and neat, all the furniture polished so it gleamed. The house had a very homey feel, but it was so jam-packed that it seemed a little cluttered and haphazard.
My sock feet didn’t make any noise as I continued on into the small library. A baby grand piano in the center of the room filled the space. It was a deep russet color and had an oriental scarf thrown over the top of it. With a rush, a vivid memory invaded my mind. I could see a young Donnie sitting at the piano as his hands flew over the keys. He’d always been an exceptional piano player, even at an early age. I’d often sit beside him on the bench or stand over his shoulder and sing with him. I went over and lightly ran my fingers over the keys. It was all I could do to not sit down at the bench and rest in the memory. For so long, I hadn’t allowed myself to remember any of the good times I’d had that I’d forgotten how many things I’d loved.
A picture frame sat on the small table next to the piano. In it was a black-and-white photograph of a gorgeous woman. There was no doubt that it was of a much younger Maudra. She was probably around twenty years old, the same flowing curls down her back. She hadon a long billowing black dress with puff sleeves and a high lace collar. On her shoulder sat a large Macaw parrot. Apparently, Scamper wasn’t her first unusual pet. I glanced back at her stunning face. It was truly a mystery how she’d managed to never marry. Next to her was a man in a black dress shirt and white pleated slacks. He was tall and lanky. The only way to describe him was pretty. He would have been a beautiful woman. I placed the photo back in its spot on the doily-covered table and headed into the adjacent room.
Maudra was waiting for me at the table when I walked into the kitchen. She looked up from what appeared to be hot tea and smiled at me sweetly. “There ya are, dear. Appears that bath did you some good. Ya look much better.” She patted the chair beside her. “Come and sit with me, child. So, didja enjoy that picture of me by the piana? I was quite the fox back then. Not that you’d know it by lookin’ today.” Her smile broadened as she flipped a strand of hair over her shoulder.
I went over and took a seat, looking for the Maudra I’d seen in the picture. I found, now that I had the image in mind, that it wasn’t hard to see at all. She had to be right at seventy-five years old, but I could still see the girl from the photo looking back at me. Her face was smoother than her hands, with only fine wrinkles around her eyes and mouth. Her paper-thin skin had only recently started to loosen. She looked like she was using less makeup than I remembered, pink lipstick and dusty-rose eye shadow over her olive-green eyes. Somehow the effect made her look younger than she did all those years ago when I knew her. Her hair had quite a bit more gray in it than I remembered but was still as luxurious as ever. The dress she was wearing was of the same style as the one inthe photograph, only this one was more simple, sage green with lace around the neckline and sleeves. She had her shoes off, and I could see her tiny toes had been painted to match her dress.
“Thank you for bringing in my suitcases, Maudra. I feel horrible that you had to struggle with those up the stairs. I would have brought them in.”
“Nonsense, child. I’m as strong as ever I was.” She patted my knee. “Now you jist settle down there and let me get you some stew and bread. You want some sweet tea?” She raised an eyebrow at me. “Or would you prefer a beer?”
I managed one of my rehearsed smiles. “Sweet tea will be fine. Thank you, though.”
In silence, I watched Maudra flit around her kitchen, pulling out two large blue bowls and ladling the stew into them, filling large glasses with tea, and reaching into the oven and removing a plate heaping with huge cornbread muffins. She sat them all on the table and then went back to the refrigerator and brought over a small dish covered in plastic wrap. “Honey butter, dear. Just whipped it together this mornin’. It needed time to set.” She sat in her chair and smoothed out her skirt before she placed a napkin in her lap. “Dear Lord,” she began abruptly, not even closing her eyes, “I give you thanks for returning Brooke to us safe and sound. Heal his heart and bless this food. With love, Amen.” She picked up a spoon and motioned for me to do the same. “You go ahead and eat a bit. No need ta talk right now. Git some food in yer system, then you can talk if ya want to.”
My memories of how much I liked Maudra hadn’t proved faulty. She seemed to know exactly what I needed. After a few spoonfuls, I was feeling a little morealive. Alive enough to realize I was starving and exhausted, at any rate. The stew was delicious. It had a thick broth, large chunks of buffalo steak, cubed carrots, white corn, wedges of onion, full pea pods, and huge portions of red potatoes. The cornbread and honey butter was so moist and sweet it made the back of my mouth ache. More memories came back as I sipped the sweet tea. I hadn’t realized how much I had missed sweet tea.
The meal made me feel safe, and suddenly all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep for a week. Once again, Maudra seemed to have a direct line into my consciousness. “Now, dear one, you go upstairs and get some sleep. You can fill me in on whatever ya want to in the mornin’.” As I got out of my chair to head upstairs, Maudra tenderly wrapped her arms around me. “Sleep well, Brooke. Life has a way of figgerin’ itself out, you jist wait.”
I felt my eyes get blurry with Maudra’s embrace. Near tears. That must be good too.
Eight
I openedmy eyes and took in the yellow-and-white surroundings. It took a full minute before remembering I was in one of Maudra’s guest bedrooms. It all rushed back. It was like that every morning lately, even back home. I’d wake up, and before my head would have a chance to rise off its pillow, I would remember the crumbling shambles of my life. Surprisingly, sleep came easy for me. I never dreamed. I never even woke up to go to the bathroom. It was the one small blessing I clung to. At least I could close my eyes and the world would vanish.
Instinctively, I turned over on my side, ready to curl up next to Jed. With a gasp I sat straight up. Jed! I’d forgot! Shit!
