Since meeting the redheaded merman with Gwala, I’d been able to feel the mers’ presence any time I tried, no matter where I was in the Cathedral. Here, so close to them, I couldn’t block them out if I wanted to. Some nights I’d wake up from a dead sleep, hearing their heartbeats pounding through Schwint’s and my room. He never heard them. Whether it was because my power was growing or due to some unwanted connection, I wasn’t certain.
While I sat beside the pool, I tried to picture them, seeing them all with the same emerald tails and red hair. All bound like the merman had been. Maybe they were chained together, or to the walls or ceiling, unable to swim.
I wished I’d never seen the merman. Never seen his beautiful face, the inhuman sheen of his skin. Never seen the creature of fairy tales. Never seen his eyes that were only filled with hate or pure emptiness. Maybe there wasn’t even a truly conscious being to save—maybe he’d retreated within himself so far he could never return.
But it wasn’t just one. They’d been there for centuries, and the continual pounding of their hearts made them seem countless. Although, no matter how many there were living under the Cathedral, who knew how many had been eaten? I pictured the gold-and-silver table—the merman skewered on the spikes, taking Omar’s place. I was afraid to guess how many times that scene must have played out over the years.
I could end it. End it all. Rise from where I was curled up powerless against the milky-pink marble. That was the horror of it all. I wasn’t powerless. Not any longer. If I could cleanse the water, I could poison it as well. End it quickly. For all of us. For the mers. For Cynthia. For me.
I thought of Schwint somewhere above me within the Cathedral, giving me the time alone I’d asked for. Waiting for me to return. Maybe he could get away before they caught him. But he wouldn’t. Even if he could.
Maybe Caitlin and Newton could survive, though.
No, Caitlin wouldn’t either. She’d fight. She’d fight and die.
Maybe Newton. His words from a few hours before echoed in my mind. Calling me a coward, saying I was no better than Omar.
End it now. Right now.
That would be the right thing. Free us all. Make it quick.
Mom and Dad. I hadn’t really thought of them in ages. They’d become some abstract figures of a past life. Nothing real any longer. In this moment, though, they were as I remembered them. My parents. Finally safe. Even if they lost the three of us, they would finally be safe. Gwala would have no reason to harm them. There wouldn’t be any reason to. I’d be dead.
A new realization clenched at my heart. One I hadn’t even considered before. Through all the debating with Schwint, then with Caitlin and Newton, none of us had considered the possibility, which told me that home was just as abstract to the rest of them as to me.
I felt certain I understood Gwala, at least enough to make fairly accurate predictions of what he might do. After Omar, I didn’t plan on being taken unaware again.
I wouldn’t be dead if I released the mers from their captivity. Schwint would be. So would Caitlin, and Newton, if he stayed. Gwala probably wouldn’t kill Cynthia, since he was aware her power was close to my own. Even if he did, he’d keep me around. Let me suffer a little bit more.
As in a flip show, Omar, then the merman were replaced upon the table. First Dad, then Mom. Then Christina. Christina with her growing belly. Ricky. Peter. Saul.
Peter. Saul.
Saul.
My nephews. Both of them. But it was the youngest, Saul, that the rushing flip show paused upon. His tiny little body upon that table. His huge brown eyes pleading before Sonia’s hair fell between us as she struck.
“I have heard of tears.”
The quiet voice caused me to flinch back so hard my head bashed against the marble.
I whipped my head toward the door. Still shut, the stone unmoved from where I’d willed it closed after I’d entered.
A movement caught my attention, and I looked back at the pool.
Her face hadn’t fully emerged from the water. Only her forehead and pale eyes were visible, the rest of her body distorted under the ripples across the pool.
I stared at her, part in wonder, part in horror, like I’d been caught doing something wrong. Maybe I had.
We stared at each other.
After a moment, I drew in a breath, having forgotten to breathe. The whispered sound filled the room, breaking the spell between us.
“May I touch them?”
My brain caught on quickly. She was speaking in my head somehow, her voice not really audible, but there nonetheless.
“Touch—” The harshness of my voice caused me to pause. The sound another intrusion between us. After all the practicing with Schwint, the switch was automatic.“Touch what?”
