The vision was too close to what had actually transpired.
Maybe he had known, somehow.
All for nothing.
It all might have been for nothing, but it was all because of me. Me, who only had scratches on my chest and stomach from the impact of the spears that punctured Wrell’s body.
Because of me. Syleen had said as much. They all had. I was the catalyst for this fucked-up quest. My damned demonic power. My damned legs. It was even part of the reason Therin had sought me out. I would be able to do things none of them ever could. All because I could walk on land. It hadn’t even been due to my power at all, just one simple difference in our anatomy that allowed me to go places they could not. Walk on land and find who was slowly ending the mer line.
And what a bang-up job I’d done. Helped kill two other mers and destroyed whatever life Lelas might have had in front of her. Not to mention however many Volitan I’d killed. That certainly didn’t help the mer population.
That’s what I should have done. The instant it had looked like they were going to try to keep Wrell with them, I should have set the whole fucking lot of them on fire. Would have avoided the whole damned mess.
That, or never followed Therin in the first place.
After I’d found Sonia changed into the very creature that had killed her, my intent had been to walk into the ocean and let it claim me. Let it hold me frozen in darkness for eternity or let it end my life.
Hadn’t quite worked out that way. I’d done nothing but harm its children. The ocean was worse off with me in it. Just like the de Moriscos had been. Without me, the vampire would never have been after them. Never killed Rodrigo. Never tried to kill Peter. I should have left well enough alone.
I should have left Finn alone. Never involved him in any of this. Never loved him. Never hurt him.
“Stop.”
What could be expected from the offspring of a demon? Of the grandchild of a rape?
“Stop.”Therin’s voice cut through my thoughts. His tone harsh. Commanding.
Turning my head, I looked at him over Lelas’s body, which we carried between us. His light eyes met mine in the dim glow of dawn breaking fathoms above us.
“You must stop, son.”
“Stop what?”
“Whatever it is you are thinking. The darkness of it leaches out from you. It covers the three of us. Whatever is in your mind is a net that has you entangled.”
I looked away from him, both dismissing his words and oddly ashamed he was somehow aware of my thoughts.
“Brett!”
I turned back at his command, my heart clenching at the love in his expression.
“This is not your fault. Without you, Lelas and I would also have perished.”
“Without me, none of you would have been there to begin with. If I hadn’t—”
He cut me off.“It is not our place to question Moheetla’s will. We are all where we were meant to be.”
Anger replaced my angst. Even in the midst of it, I was conscious of keeping the fire chambered in my chest, keeping Lelas safe in my hands.“Bullshit! I’m so sick of everyone saying that all the shit that happens is God’s will, so we’re just supposed to be fine with it. If that’s true, He’s one fucked-up asshole.”
“It is not your fault, my son.”
“I’m serious, Therin. God, Moheetla, who-the-fuck-ever. If it’s not my fault, then it’s his.”I swiped my hand through the water, gesturing toward the surface. My motion caused Lelas’s body to jostle, and her tail flicked of its own volition to keep her upright.“He’s not there, Dad. He’s not. He can’t be. This is my fault.”
“No, Brett. It’s not. However, if it helps you, cast blame on Moheetla. He can handle your fury.”He looked away finally.“He has handled mine many times.”
Several morehours passed before we stopped swimming. I wasn’t even sure why we’d kept going. Maybe Therin had been worried about remaining members of the Volitan seeking us out. My guess, however, was that we’d continued swimming because we had no idea what else to do.
Therin and I curled around Lelas, our arms draped protectively over her torso, and we fell asleep, or at least some form of sleep. Before exhaustion overtook me, I forced one of my legs under the sand, securing my body in the same way Wrell had done. I nearly jerked it back out when I realized it was also the way of the Volitan, but I did it to honor Wrell, so I kept it where it was.
