As closed off as Therin had been only a few weeks ago, it was still rather disconcerting to hear him being so relational once more.
Lelas smiled gratefully at him, her beautiful face flushed with emotion. Her gaze flicked toward me. “What I was telling Nalu is that things will be darker here for you than the rest of us after nightfall—that your human blood changes some of the functions of your body compared to our own. I had not said as much, as I realized I should quit excluding the rest of you from our conversation, but I assume that we will not be able to see as well either, since the Scarus have been living away from the sun’s exposure for countless generations.”
The thought of being under an island, in an endless labyrinth of narrow mazes in pitch-blackness, caused an adrenaline spike. Alaula, the eel, stuck her head out once more at the rush of warm bubbles that spewed from the backs of my hands and forearms. Turning slightly, I caught Nalu staring at me, wide-eyed.
Lelas offered me a sympathetic smile, then looked at her husband. Was he her husband now, or maybe fiancé? They’d said they were mated. Was that all, or did there need to be some kind of marriage ceremony?“Is it allowed for Brett and I to speak alone?”She motioned toward the entrance of the room.
Nalu’s hesitation told me it definitely wasn’t okay—although I couldn’t tell if he was worried about Queen Akamaii’s directives or leaving Lelas alone with another male. After a bit, he nodded.“There is another room beside this one. You need only to exit the door and go farther down the passage.”Regardless of the cause of his hesitation, my estimation and respect for him went up slightly.
Lelas leaned in, like she was going to kiss him, but then paused and pulled back.“Thank you.” She looked over at Therin and Wrell as she headed toward the doorway.“Please take a moment and explain the other side of Brett’s heritage, just in case there are other heat issues in the future.”
The lightwas already growing dimmer as we swam out of Nalu’s room. Again, I felt my panic spike. Lelas’s lavender tail looked gray in the shadows, but her blonde hair served as a beacon. Within thirty feet, we found the entrance to the room Nalu had mentioned. As dark as it was, I guessed I was probably going to have to feel my way along the walls to make it back to Nalu’s room.
Thankfully, this room was a little brighter even than Nalu’s had been. It was nearly the exact same size and shape, but the hole in the ceiling emitting the light seemed wider. A glance around the room didn’t give me many clues to what the space was used for. Random pieces of coral and stones were scattered around, but no collections of human items or anything that looked to be made by the mers.
Lelas started to lower herself by the entrance to the room, then seemed to think better of it and swam to the opposite wall. She settled onto the sand, tail curving under her, left arm resting on the side of the sloping wall. I couldn’t suppress a smile—she made the quintessential picture of the fabled mermaid as she sat there. She only needed a comb and a little longer hair to complete the illusion.
“Why are you smirking, Brett?”
I swam over and sat cross-legged a few feet away from her.“No reason, really.”I started to jump right into asking her about Nalu, then thought better of it.“Actually, I was just looking at you, thinking how beautiful you are.”
Lelas flushed and looked down at her tail, avoiding my eyes, her lips curving into a pleased smile.
“On land, humans have so many stories about mermaids, tons of movies, and all kinds of folklore. Movies are… stories you can see. Anyway, sometimes mermaids are portrayed as these siren-type creatures that lure sailors into the sea to drown them”—Lelas glanced back up at me, her eyes wide in horrified offense—“but most have to do with mermaids falling in love with human men. Trading their tail for legs.”I felt myself falter.“The point is, almost always, the mermaids are said to be so beautiful and captivating. You just looked so much like all the stories I’d heard as a kid. Most things about living here seem pretty normal now, but every once in a while it hits me that this is anything but normal, and it’s all real, and that I’m somehow a part of it.”
She smiled at me kindly. She took long enough in responding that I knew something specific was on her mind. Knowing Lelas as I did, I waited, understanding she was choosing her words carefully.
“May I ask you a question, Brett?”
“Of course. You know you can ask or say anything you want.”
She gave a little nod, once again hesitant.“I know not the best way to phrase what I am thinking, so please forgive me if I say it wrong. So much of this is new to me.”
I leaned forward and placed my palm over her folded hands resting on her tail.“It’s okay. Just ask it.”My nervousness over the claustrophobic darkness was replaced by apprehension over what was coming.
“Do you… Are you still a lover of males?”
I wasn’t expecting that one, although maybe I should have been. My turn to look down in embarrassment.“I think I know why you’re asking, but yes, I am. I mean, obviously, I haven’t… that’s not an issue as long as I’m with the mers, but, yeah. Still gay.”
She waited to reply until I looked back up and met her eyes.“Since everything happened with Nalu, I have thought you were angry with me. I wondered if your feelings had perhaps altered.”
I knew I shouldn’t ask, but the notion that she hoped I had changed, that she wasn’t really in love with Nalu, was too much to pass over. As much as I hoped she didn’t feel that way about me, it would be wonderful if it would get her out of this mess with Nalu.“If my feelings were altered, would it change things?”
She cocked her head slightly to the right.“Change things in what way?”
I hated myself even as I thought the words. “If my feelings were different, would you choose me instead of Nalu?”
She flinched backward. No more than a few centimeters, but enough to be noticeable. I pulled my hand away.
“Brett… I love you, and I know you love me. I love you like a brother. You are my dearest friend. I thought you felt in the same manner.”
“I do, Lelas. You’re my best friend, and I love you. But if things were different. If I weren’t attracted to other males, would things be different for you?”
“Why do you inquire such a thing?”
Why was I?“I just need to know.”
She looked over, letting herself get lost watching a small school of dark-blue fish that I hadn’t noticed darting in and out of the shadows of the room. Finally, she looked back.“To answer in all honesty, before this day, I would have had to say yes, that if you felt differently, I would have allowed myself to love you differently as well. However, I have known from the beginning, and I have never let myself have the slightest inclination to allow such emotions to develop for you. And to answer your question, even if I had, even if you were different as well, that would not change what has happened. There is no choice when a mer discovers their mate—at least that is what I have always heard to be true. I have never met anyone to confirm or deny such claims.”She traced one of her scales with the tip of her fingernail.“Until today. And I now must confirm them. While I do not understand such feelings, nor did I want them, they are here. I will also say now they are here, I would have it no other way. It is as I told the queen. I have discovered a part of myself today I was unaware was absent.”
