“What!”I closed the distance between us and lifted her chin.“Lelas, there is nothing to be forgiven for. You did nothing wrong.”
She paused, as if waiting for me to contradict my own words. When I did not, she gave me one more attempt at a smile.“I thank you for your compassion, Brett. I will leave you to rest.”
With a flick of her tail, she swam past me.
I reached out and grasped her wrist. Turning, she looked back at me.“Is there something you require?”
I shook my head and let her arm loose. “No. It’s… Oh hell, I don’t know. I just don’t want to be alone quite yet. Will you stay for a moment?”
She nodded, swam to the edge of the hut, wrapped her arm in the kelp, and came to rest on the sand. I followed her lead.
In what was beginning to feel like a permanent state of being, my brain was assaulted by thoughts and images. Some coming so hard and fast, they were like physical impacts on my skull that traveled down to my chest. Others came into view slowly, as out of mist, bringing with them needles to pour into my blood and pool in the bottomless cavern in my core. Once more Finn’s face flooded my mind. I couldn’t even pull out specific details any longer. I couldn’t remember the exact shade of his eyes or the curve of his lips. The timbre of his voice no longer sounded in my ears, but I could still feel his touch, the warmth of his kiss, the magic of his naked skin on mine.
Sonia’s fangs flashed in my mind, slicing through the lovely ache of Finn. Again, the events of the past months piled upon me, drowning me more assuredly than the ocean ever could. I had barely known who I was when this all started. I’d only really just begun living, letting myself be Brett—free of guilt and wallowing in all the new tastes life had to offer. How was I supposed to continue to be the man I was in the midst of all this? Was that even possible? Probably not. Even at the most cellular level, I’d seen myself as human. If that had been the only thing stripped away, I still would not have known who or what I was. How much more adrift I was now, given all that had been lost and all that had been revealed. Fear of the hunt was forgotten as the terror that was my life crashed over me.
“Will you go to the surface with me?”My request surprised even me.
“To the surface?”Lelas gaped at me in horror.“Tonight?”
Now that the thought was out, I was desperate. The depth of the ocean was crushing me yet again. I needed to breathe. Really breathe. For once, the water wasn’t soothing. It was a grave.“Yes. Tonight.”
She started to shake her head.
I rushed forward, once again grabbing her wrists, forcing her eyes to meet mine.“Now. Let’s go now. Please.”I pushed away the guilt that I was asking her to do exactly what Zef had said was so dangerous for a mermaid. She’d be safe. I was part demon after all. Good luck to anyone or anything that tried to hurt her.
She stared at me, her seafoam irises darting back and forth, as if searching for my sincerity.
“Please?”I wasn’t sure how it was possible, but I heard my voice crack in my mind, as if I was crying on the inside.
She nodded slowly.
“Really?”Desperation made my voice rise.“Really?”
She nodded again.“Yes. Let us go.”
Relief flooded me. “Okay. Thank you.”
She gave a final nod, as if convincing herself.“I have not been to the air in many years. Even longer without the sun.”Her look hardened.“It is not as safe for us traveling through the sea at night. More hunters are out.”
I nodded my assent. What did I care? Hunt me, kill me, eat me. Just get me out of here. Then I looked at the fragile beauty in front of me, and Sonia’s laughing eyes momentarily superimposed themselves over Lelas’s, making me question my ability to truly keep her safe. “Wait, not if you’re not comfortable with it. I won’t be the cause of you getting hurt or something.”
She didn’t answer immediately, which made me trust her response.“No, let us go. Your need is apparent, and it is a journey I have made before. Life is not to be led in trepidation. We have a saying: life does not exist with immortality inside the nautilus shell.”
I didn’t know exactly what that meant, but I was willing to bet it meant that life was to be lived.“Okay, if you’re sure.”
“I am sure.”
We swamfaster than I had ever swum before. Faster than I thought I ever could. I knew Lelas still held back, but I didn’t think very much. Each foot we rose in the water made my desperation increase. We could see the moon flickering far off through the underbelly of the waves. Even as it grew in diameter, it seemed farther and farther away.
As dark as it was, I’d grown so accustomed to life many fathoms below the surface that as we rose, the faint moonlight illuminating everything seemed like beacons. Small animals and fish I’d not seen in our kelp forest surrounded us as we drew near, each reflecting the moon’s light. For a moment, even in my haste, I slowed and looked around.
The world appeared as if it had been flipped. I was swimming through the night sky, surrounded by a multitude of stars and fireflies.
My stomach lurched into my throat, and a falling sensation overwhelmed me. I came to a full stop in my ascent, trying to determine which way was up. Every direction was darting white stars, scattered as far as I could see, brushing against my skin as my arms stretched through the water.
Lelas reached out her hand, and I felt her palm against my chest. She waited for my eyes to focus on her. The effort left me queasy.“Look up. Straight up. Find the moon.”
I craned my head as far back as it would go. It didn’t seem to make any difference. Sparkling diamonds shot all around me. Then I found it once more, shining a bit brighter than all the rest, its circumference a magnet for my eyes and an anchor for my whirling mind. Holding its form with all my might, I gradually noticed the dazzling gems next to it remaining stationary in their space. The panorama widened; more and more fixed jewels of the sky lessened my dementia. Shortly, the glistening undercurrents of the waves came into focus, separating the sky and the sea once more. Instantly, the miniscule galaxy encompassing me took the form of minute krill, shrimp, and jellyfish.
