It was painfully obvious that Therin was now blaming only himself for how I was born, and that he wasn’t placing any of the blame at my feet. However, I heard only what I’d heard for the past two decades. I was the abomination. I wasn’t born the way I was supposed to be. Something had been wrong with me. On land, the devil had cursed me with my sin, and I was weak enough to not stand strong against it and play straight for as long as I could manage before that illusion crumbled. In the sea, my father had cursed me by his lust for a non-mer woman, who just happened to be half demon. As a result, I was defective and not how I was meant to be.
“Please forgive me, Son.”The pain in Therin’s voice ripped at my heart, but instead of calming me, it made me even angrier.
“Forgive you for what, Dad? For fathering me to be this monster or for turning your back on me nearly as soon as you met me?”
“For everything.”
I couldn’t form words, not even in my mind. I glared at him, feeling the fire boil up in my blood. For a moment, I considered letting it do whatever it wanted to do. Let it explode out of me, taking this merman and the rest of the tribe with him, if it could reach that far. I knew it could. It raged in me more than I’d ever felt it before. I couldn’t get away from the curse of being gay, or at least the curse of what being gay did to the people who were supposed to love me. Even in the midst of my anger, I marveled at the ease with which I contained the fire. The only danger Therin was in was if I decided to let it happen. He was not at the mercy of my ineptitude with my power any longer. He was simply at the mercy of me. That knowledge gave me a sense of strength and power, knowing I held his life in my hands. It also left me in terror—if Therin was encompassed in flames, it would be because I wanted him to be, not because I’d lost control.
My voice growled through my mind and into his.“Why did you search for me? All those weeks before you really showed yourself to me. Why did you come for me, if all you were going to do was wish I’d not been born?”
“I did not know Moheetla had cursed you because of my wrongs.”
“Screw Moheetla! You said yourself, he doesn’t give a shit about me being gay or not. That is you mers.”
He ignored my outburst.“I never said that I wish you had not been born.”
His words only made me want to scream at him more, but I only glowered at him. I felt every inch an angry teenage boy but was unable to pull myself out of it.
“In truth, I am thankful you were born, Brett. I am only ashamed for what my actions have cost you. That because of my wrong you are not in your rightful place in the sea. That you are between worlds, and that you cannot produce offspring as you were meant to.”I’d released his hand when I’d felt the fire beginning to rage within me, but now he reached out to me once more.“I am proud of you, Brett. That despite the curse I have placed upon your head, you have found your place in this tribe, that you have mastered your fire, that you are strong and brave. Even Moheetla has shown favor upon you in the hunt.”
I softened a bit at his words of praise but still bristled at the knowledge that he saw me as so broken and damaged.“If you really believe that about Moheetla, why isn’t that enough?”
His eyes narrowed.“Enough for what, Brett?”
Enough for what? Good question. What did I want from him?“Enough for you to accept me for who I am. Enough for you be my dad again, like you were when you first came to me.”
“I have never stopped being your father, Brett. Even before I met you, I was your father. Even before I knew of your birth.”
“Those are just words, and they don’t mean anything.”I shook off his hand as I felt the heat rise again.“You’ve not spoken to me or been able to stomach being around me since you found out I was gay!”
He paused, head cocked at he inspected me.“Do you want more from me? I thought you would want nothing to do with me, knowing that I am the cause of your curse.”
“I don’t see it as a curse, Therin. You do.”Not to mention the rest of my biological family. That was the curse.“You were ashamed of me. Not the other way around.”
He shook his head.“No, Brett. Not any longer. As I already spoke to you. My shame is of myself, not of you. It is I who wronged you.”
“You haven’t wronged me! At least not how you say you have. The only thing you’ve done wrong is shut me out after starting to make me believe you were going to be my father. That I was going to finally have a relationship with my dad!”
His eyes searched mine for what seemed like forever. I expected him to tell me again how my sickness was his fault, not mine. Remind me that I was gay because he’d fucked the wrong species. That I was broken because of him. He was the source of my abomination.“I would like to remedy that, Brett. If you will still let me have the role of father in your life, I would like to be in a relationship with you. Will you pardon me for my weakness?”
I wanted to ask if the forgiveness was for shutting me out for the past many weeks or for causing me to be gay. I decided to not ask. Whatever his thoughts, Therin was trying. I could try as well. Again, my grandfather came to my mind. I’d never been able to repair things with him, and had only just begun that process with my grandmother before going into the ocean. I had a part of what I’d always wanted with my family. I had to take it. I had to try.
Even so, I couldn’t say the words. I only nodded.
Before I could think of what to say to move on, Therin looked past us once more, this time his eyes tracking something. Turning, I jerked in surprise. Syleen, Wrell, and Greylin emerged from the blackness of a twist in the crevasse. I started, ready to flee, but then conquered the instinct. Again, I reminded myself we were doing nothing wrong, despite how it might appear. We were just a father and son hashing through our issues. Surely, even here under the ocean that was a scene that was as old as the mers themselves.
I looked back to Therin, deciding I would determine what to do based on his reaction. He didn’t look surprised or afraid. His eyes only darted back and forth between the three newcomers.
Frustration shot through me as I realized what he was doing.“Hell no! Whatever you guys are talking about, you can say it to me as well. I’m sick of being left out of whatever is going on here.”
“He is right, Syleen. It is time to be forthright. All the secrecy is doing more harm than good.”Without waiting for her approval, Therin looked back at me.“They were just apologizing for interrupting our conversation. I had asked to speak to you first, to explain what was going on before they joined us. I thought it might be easier to hear it coming from me without feeling like you were being accosted by all four of us.”He glanced back at the three with what I would have sworn was irritation.“However, I did not anticipate us having the conversation we just had.”He looked back at me and offered a genuinely kind smile.“Although I am thankful that we did.”
Syleen cut in.“I am as well. It is good for things to be honest between a father and son.”That took care of me wondering if they’d been privy to what Therin and I had said.“However, we have no time. I am sorry to cut your conversation short, Therin, but we are already behind. If this is to work, we must be underway.”
“If what is to work?”
She looked from me to Therin.“Shall I explain, or would you like to?”
