For a moment, my heart leapt, but even before it crashed back down, I knew what he’d say next.
“I can’t promise that I never will.”
“So, when you do decide to say that you l—that you feel that, you’ll mean until you find someone else better.”
He couldn’t keep the frustration out of his voice. “No. Like I told you, that’s not how it is with us. Love and sex are two different things. Sure they go together, but they don’t have to. If we get to that place, then it will be both of those things for us. Part of our relationship. If I’m having sex… if either of us are having sex with someone else, that’s not love. That’s just fucking around. It doesn’t mean we love each other less. It doesn’t take anything away from our relationship.”
I shook my head. “I wish I could see it that way, Schwint. I just don’t. I don’t know how you separate love and sex.”
“Really?”
A spark of annoyance flashed through me at the sarcastic tone in his voice. “Yeah, really.”
“So you were experiencing love with those guys you were fucking at the Square?”
“No. Of course not. That’s different. We were….” My voice trailed off weakly.
“Exactly.”
“But I wasn’t with you at the time. I was single.”
“But it was just sex, wasn’t it? Not love.”
I nodded.
“That’s what I mean. If I feel what I think I’m starting to feel for you, I can’t imagine ever feeling that for anyone ever again.” He reached his hand across the table once more, pushing the platter aside, his palm open. “That’s one of the reasons I can’t say it to you now. When I say it, I’ll mean it. I won’t be able to take it back.”
I looked at his hand, wanting to take it but refusing to let my hand reach out. “We shouldn’t even be talking about this. We’ve only been dating for three weeks or whatever. It’s too soon.”
“No, it’s not.” He kept his hand outstretched. “It’s on your mind, and we need to cover it before we go much further. We need to talk about it before the time comes for those words to be said. So when they are said, we both know we mean it. Really mean it.”
Again, my brain told me to run. Stand and run as fast as I could. The other part of me, even as it revolted at the concept, felt calm in his presence. At first I thought it was my heart, getting carried away. Caught up in the moment. Lost in the beautiful blue eyes of a gorgeous demon. But this wasn’t a demon. This was a yellow-eyed fairy. And unlike Brett, he wasn’t running at the thought of a relationship or freaking out by talking about it. He was being honest, even about stuff I didn’t want to hear. He was being honest and still sitting in front of me. Waiting. Waiting with his hand open to me. And it wasn’t my heart that felt calm. My heart was going bonkers in my chest. It was my gut. It was scared, but it was calm. I’d always been ruled either by the whims of my heart, disguised as love, or the fears of my head, disguised as logic. Maybe it was time I listened to my gut.
I stretched out my hand and placed it in his.
His fingers closed over mine. “You okay?”
“Scared.”
He grinned. “Yeah. Me too.”
We stared at each other, his thumb beginning slow circles over my skin.
“Are you guys ready for your check yet?” The waitress had both hands on her hips.
Schwint didn’t break eye contact with me. “Yeah. We’re ready.”
She plopped the black bifold on the table, reached over our hands, and scooped up the platter. “You boys did a good job finishing all the food.” With that, she turned and headed back to the kitchen.
His smile turned from serious to mischievous. “I’m thinking she doesn’t want much of a tip.”
“Sure looks that way.”
“Good thing for her holding a hot witch-boy’s hand puts me in a generous mood.”
“I thought you didn’t use human money.”
“Oh, right!” His grin widened. “Well, keep in mind my generosity when you’re tipping, okay?”
