“Good. See you at my place.”
“Okay. Love you.”
“I love you too.” I hung up. And then I floated about a thousand feet in the air.
UNABLE TOgo home and sit, I continued in the direction I was heading and went into Elliott Bay Book Company. It was a happy place for me, one where I could spend hours sipping coffee and sifting through books. A place I hadn’t been in months for fear of who I might see, or worse yet, all those who would see me. At the moment, none of that mattered.
I had everything in the world I wanted most. Or close. And if Kayla and Noah were right about the investigator, I’d soon have Bailey back as well.
The openness and warmth of the wood tones of the bookstore suited my mood, taking my elation down to a pleasant sensation of peacefulness.
I found myself where I always started, though I hadn’t made the cognitive choice to do so. I stared up at the wall of art books. The thick hardbound collections of photography. I used to trace the covers, dreaming of seeing my own alongside the like of Ansel Adams, Tom Bianchi, Annie Leibovitz, and Anne Geddes. Most people probably wouldn’t put Anne Geddes on that list, but her photography of babies was what gave me my first idea when I was taking photos of Bailey. She was a master, in my mind.
One dream that wasn’t happening, it seemed.
A bit of sadness crept in. A touch of loss.
I turned away.
A bit of melancholy was okay. It could make the good that much sweeter, but lingering there had the potential to spoil the moment. And I had no desire for that.
I wandered over to the children’s book section. Maybe David Wiesner had a new book out. I’d gotten all of his other ones for Bailey.
There. That thought. That was what I clung to. Whether there was a new Wiesner book out or not, I was going to find a book for Bailey to give her when I saw her again. An act of faith. A declaration of what would be.
Who the hell was I?
He didn’t have a new book out, but there were literally hundreds of others to choose from. I glanced at my phone. Still over an hour and a half before Noah would be home. I wanted to time it so we’d get there about the same time.
After about twenty more minutes, I had it narrowed down between two books, one about an elephant who missed his wife, and another about a mermaid who wanted to tell stories. Chances were high I’d get them both, even if I didn’t have a reliable income at the moment. Noah was the one who was good with money, and he wasn’t there.
Setting them aside, I wandered back through the coffee shop toward the restroom. Both of them were occupied, so I waited.
After a few minutes, one of the doors opened, and my eyes met those of the man exiting. For a split second, my mind shut down, and then without any thought, I rushed forward, forcing the man back into the restroom as I stepped in, then shoved the door closed behind us. I managed to lock it while still clutching the nape of the man’s jacket with my other hand.
“You fucking bitch.” I shoved him backward, causing his knees to hit the lip of the toilet and his back to crash against the tank.
Stewart raised his hands in front of his face, waving them back and forth so they blurred in the motion. “Don’t kill me! Randall, don’t kill me!”
His words startled me so much I let him go and took a step back in the small space.
He stared at me, eyes wide.
“I’m not going to kill you, you idiot.” Though it had been months since I’d seen him and I’d thought endlessly about him, I was rather shocked at the hate that rushed through me. “Although I’d like to.”
Stewart stared at me a few seconds longer before he lowered his hands, though only partially, keeping them at chest level in case I changed my mind. “I’m sorry, Randall. I’m really sorry. I never meant for all this to happen. I swear.”
That I hadn’t expected. “So you admit it? You admit that you did this?”
“Yes. I’m sorry. I was just so mad at you. So hurt.”
“But why?” I gestured wildly, causing him to flinch and raise his hands again. “Oh, for fuck’s sake, Stewart, knock it off. I’m not going to hit you. But how did I hurt you? You never wanted a relationship with me. We were both clear on that.”
He lowered his hands again. “I wasn’t honest about that. I did want a relationship with you. I always have. I thought maybe you were starting to feel that way too when you asked me to your mom’s party.”
I almost corrected him about it being a benefit, not a party, as stupid as it was. “Wasn’t the only thing you lied about, then.”
Stewart flinched and a spark of anger flashed through his eyes. “Seriously? That’s what you’re going with? That I lied? That I made it all up?”
