Noah laughed. “My what? My permission?”
“No. Input, I guess. Your opinion.”
“Good. I’m glad you don’t think you need my permission. I’m not your father. I love you being that man you are. Not the man I force you to be.” He laughed again at whatever he saw written across my face. “But it looks like you still need to hear it, don’t you? No, I’m not mad. Not at all. I didn’t know that you were doing this, obviously, but I would expect nothing less. And I love that you put the truth out there. No apology, no anything besides laying it all on the line.”
“Yeah. I might pay for that one. I don’t know if you can admit to being a whore and expect people to trust what you say next.”
“I think you’ll be surprised. At least I hope.”
“Maybe.”
“You think your dad will react?”
It was funny. I hadn’t thought about him once as I filmed the video, or after. At least in terms of his reaction. How strange. “I don’t think there’s much for him to be angry about. I mean, he wanted me to admit to things from the very beginning. That and other things. And I didn’t say anything that would look bad on the family, at least any worse. Why? Did you notice something?”
“No. Not like that. I wonder if maybe it will take away some of his power. Maybe he’ll lighten up a bit.”
I couldn’t hold back another laugh. “The fact that you think stripping some of Vincent Morgan’s power would cause him to lighten up proves that you still haven’t gotten a very accurate picture of my father. If he feels that way about the video, he’ll come after me himself. Maybe start writing his own column.”
“Oh goodness. Don’t put that out into the universe.” Noah smiled at me. “I’m proud of you. For being honest and taking some of your power back. No matter if people believe it or not, at least you put it out there.”
“Thank you.” I was already feeling freer, but those words only increased the feeling. I leaned in to kiss him.
Though warm and soft, there was a hint of sour morning breath on his lips. He pulled back, wiping his hand over his mouth. “I love you, and I would really love to ravish you right now—”
“You want to ravish me? Is that what we do?”
He narrowed his eyes. “Shut up. Fine. Fuck you. That better?”
I nodded.
“Good. As I was saying, I love you and I’d love tofuck youright now, but someone woke me up from a dead sleep and then made me sit here and watch confession time and talk for twenty minutes. If I don’t pee right now, there’s going to be a whole other kind of video of confessions you’ll have to film about your sex life.” He gave me another peck on the lips and twisted out of bed, covering his erection as he scuttled toward the bathroom.
Dear Lord, the man was hot. I watched his tight hairy ass until it disappeared down the hallway before I called out, “Good! Make sure you brush your teeth while you’re in there. It’s like you’re trying to poison me!”
He hollered over his stream hitting the toilet water, “If insulting me is your way of asking for sex, you’re not doing a very good job at it.”
“Really? Aren’t you going to fuck me no matter what I say?”
There was a long pause before he responded, “Just because you’re right doesn’t mean you’re not a bitch.”
I WENTout in public that afternoon. Though I did feel a bit freer, it was still an act of will to force myself to walk to Pike Place Market and get a grilled cheese from Beecher’s for Harper and me.
People openly stared and gawked. And glared.
No one said anything. Good or bad.
Which was fine.
Until a couple of hours later, when an older man passed me on the street and sneered at me. “Nice video this morning, fag. Happen to see the new post this afternoon? Might wanna head back home where it’s safe.”
I stared after him as he walked away. He never looked back.
There was absolute hate and revulsion in his tone. I hadn’t had that directed at me from someone outside my own family. At least not like that.
I forced myself to not get online. Absolutely demanded I not do that to myself.
That lasted for about four minutes.
