The past few weeks indeed felt like Noah was going to be family. We hadn’t spent a night apart, as pathetic as it sounded. We might be moving fast, but we also kept things intentionally light. We settled into the life of dating we both only dreamed about. Movies, snuggling on the couch with three dogs, Chinese delivery so we wouldn’t have to put on clothes and leave the apartment, and more than enough sex to satisfy both of our raging libidos.
I managed to not overthink what we were doing. Until Kayla insisted Noah join our family for her birthday. Then it suddenly became all too real. No longer would we be safe in our little solitary nest of love. We would be surrounded by the Morgan Family.
Fuck.
Kayla pointed out that at least we’d be in public. She felt that offered plenty of protection. Really, she should know better by now. Quiet words cut as deeply as those at a higher decibel.
Until Kayla’s nails, the dinner had gone fairly smoothly. Dad and Dustin were lost in political scheming. Kayla never slipped in her endless efforts to please my mother. The only thing different at all was Bailey’s infatuation with Noah. It seemed like I’d been replaced for the evening. Not that I could blame her.
For the next seven or eight minutes, Mom, Kayla, and I didn’t speak. Our silence was highlighted by the quiet murmurs of Noah and Bailey and the constant disagreements between Dad and Dustin. I’d gotten caught up in their debate over the tie color for Dustin’s announcement, of all things, before I realized Mom was speaking to Noah.
“No, Ms. Morgan. I doubt Mom will come to any events, no matter how small.”
“Well, that’s a shame. She was always a wonderful woman.” Mom’s tone, I was shocked to realize, was genuine. “I can’t say coming into this family is easy, but your mother was always gracious. I would love to see her sometime.”
Noah smiled sadly. “Yes. She was the more loving of the two of them. Dad was a bit more severe, I suppose. However, she never leaves the house, let alone to go to an event. I will pass on to her your kind words, though. That will mean a lot.”
“Please do.”
I was shocked at Mom’s expression. She’d seemed like she didn’t have much to say about either of the Carrolls when she realized who Noah was. I couldn’t imagine what Mom and a missionary’s wife would have in common. Although it was probably pretty obvious, considering how Mom entered the Morgan family. Not so much in common, just lack of drama between the two of them.
Mom’s eyes widened, and she looked back at Noah. From her expression, I felt the need to jump to the rescue. It was a look she normally saved for Kayla. And for the life of me, I couldn’t think of one thing to say before it was already too late. “Noah, might I suggest that if you do come to Dustin’s announcement, that you should arrive clean-shaven. If you are going to be part of the family, you need to look like one. And polls show that men without facial hair appear to have less to hide, and we don’t want to look like a bunch of hippies.” Again I could have jumped in. Said something. Anything. I couldn’t. “And while we’re on the topic, maybe a haircut. Long hair, especially pulled back like that, is a bit effeminate, don’t you think?”
“Mom!”
She turned to me at my whispered hiss. “What?”
I gaped toward my father, though why I did, I couldn’t fathom. I’d suddenly morphed into a ten-year-old once more, it seemed.
Dad didn’t bother to look at Noah. “I agree with your mother, and while it is too soon to consider him a new member of our family, I will say that it could help your brother if both of you were there. It could help make his stance on gay rights an obvious statement instead of needing to drone on and on about it. Though it’s a moot point. You can’t be a part of the Democratic Party if you’re against anything the queer movement suggests, no matter how you might actually feel.”
From the corner of my eye, I noticed a grin cross Dustin’s face. With my mouth moving but refusing to issue any words, I turned to Noah.
He wasn’t looking at me, his attention still focused on my mom. He laughed. Actually laughed. A warm, friendly sound I wouldn’t have been able to make at that moment for all the riches in the world. “You sound like my mom, Ms. Morgan. She doesn’t like it either. Dad was always adamant about taking clippers to my hair every two weeks, and a beard would have been out of the question. However, it’s how I’m comfortable. If you see fit to include me in events, I will happily attend if it suits Randall, and I promise to make sure the beard is trimmed and the hair washed. I also commit to using a lint brush to make sure there are no dog hairs on my suit.” He had the audacity to wink at her. He winked. At my mother. At Maureen Lucille Morgan. “And I promise not to let Kayla pick out my nail stylings if I ever accompany her to the salon.”
Mom lifted her hand to her throat. “Oh goodness. I should hope not.”
And then the food arrived. Saving us all. Like food often does.
For a while, we were lost to dinner. Noah to his noodles. Kayla to her lettuce wraps. Me to my Hanoi tuna.
Gradually conversation picked back up, though I heard little of it. Every fear I had about Noah being part of Kayla’s dinner was confirmed. Worse than, actually. I’d not pictured myself clamming up. Not coming to his defense. Of sitting there like nothing more than a whipped child, having no more right to an opinion than my seven-year-old niece.
I’d longed for Noah my entire life, and here he was. And at the first opportunity, I neglected to protect how valuable I found him. Just sat back and watched as he was criticized and told what to do. Even Dustin defended Kayla, and she was barely more than a glorified Barbie doll to him.
I just sat there. Helpless and stupid.
There was a firm squeeze on my thigh.
I glanced over to see Noah’s eyes, full of concern.
His voice was low enough that if I hadn’t seen his lips move, I wouldn’t have been able to understand his words. “You okay?”
I grimaced and nodded.
“What is it?”
“Later?”
