I’ll have to get over my fear somehow, because keeping Finn’s open depends on me. But just the thought sends me into a jittery, sweaty-palmed, fight-or-flight response.
“Idon’t think I can do it,” I confess to Ran that night. “The idea scares the shit out of me.”
Ran looks puzzled. “But why? You talk to people literally every day, and you’d be asking customers you see all the time —people you know.”
“That’s not the same! When I’m at work and people come in and ask for a drink, I’m just getting them what they want. I’m just following instructions, you know? This feels different.”
He pulls me over to him and onto his lap. It doesn’t solve the problem, but at least I feel better with his arms around me. “So, you don’t feel like you can ask people for help or favors, right?” he asks.
“Yeah, I guess so.”
He huffs out a laugh. “Literally all I did for years on end was ask people for money for my start-up. So I guess I got pretty used to it. Itwashard at first — awkward, for sure. But you get used to it. I realized the fear of feeling stupid or being rejected waslessthan the fear that all the time and effortand money that had already been spentwould be wasted unless I got out there and asked.”
“I want to. And IknowFinn’s is fucked if I don’t.” My voice is thick with frustration. “But I justcan’t.”
42
AARYN
“Ijust had an idea!” I exclaim. “It might sound crazy, but give me a chance to explain.”
His forehead furrowed, Errol gives me a clearly skeptical look. “OK,” he says, sounding reluctant.
“Before, you suggested a kind of role-play game to help me get over Eliza. What if we madethisinto a game? Maybe if you had a different incentive to focus on, your thoughts wouldn’t spiral and paralyze you.”
“A different incentive like what?”
“Pick a goal every day — asking ten people if they want to buy a raffle ticket, or five people to donate to the online fundraiser, or whatever. It’s obviously just on the honor system, but tell me what your goal is, and then tell me when you get home if you made it or not. Give me a list of what you want —scenes, toys, kinks, whatever. I’ll pick one each day you hit your goal to reward you with.”
He doesn’t look sold yet, but he definitely looks intrigued. “What if I don’t meet the goal?”
I give him a sly smile. “Then you have to do something ofmychoice for me. Write down any hard limits you have that I don’t already know about. Other than that…”
Errol pulls his lower lip between his teeth and gnaws on it for a bit before he takes a deep breath. “OK. If you think it’ll work, let’s give it a shot.”
About to head upstairs, I turn on the first step. “I’ll have you know, I have a lot of managerial experience motivating people to improve their performance.”
That gets a tiny smile out of Errol. “I’m sure you do, Stud,” he says as he comes up to me. Looking down at him from the first stair, I realize the height disparity — with me being taller — is a sexy novelty. Errol picks up on it too, his brows lifting.
“Ohhh, this is different,” he breathes as he lifts his face towards mine. I wrap my hand around the back of his neck as I sink my tongue into his mouth. When we pull our lips apart and he looks up at me, my dick stirs in my pants. He runs his tongue over his lower lip, eyes dilated with lust. “You —” He swallows and takes a breath. “You really did a good job helping me take my mind off all the shit I had to deal with at work the other night,” he says.
It’s an old habit I realize I’ve slipped back into: Giving voice to the things Errol wants. “You want me to do that again tonight? Give you something else to think about for a little while?”
He looks a little embarrassed as he nods. “I’d like that,” he mumbles.
Hopefully this game I proposed will get him more comfortable with asking for what he needs, but for tonight, I’m just happy that I can doanythingto make him feel better about this shitty situation.
43
ERROL
I’m barely on the bed before Ran’s mouth and hands are all over me. He strips off my clothes before shedding his own and pushing me onto my back. “I want to open you up tonight… as much as you’ll let me.” He leans over me and runs his tongue along the shell of my ear. His breath is warm, but I shiver at his words.
He lowers his face between my legs, eyes flicking up to mine. “I want to taste you for a little while first.” He keeps that bright hazel stare pinned on me as he lowers his mouth and nibbles at my inner thigh.
“Feels good, Stud,” I murmur.
“Good. Lie back and enjoy.” I open my mouth to say something and Ran narrows his eyes. “I’m notasking.”
