Yes. I can do this.
Before I chicken out, I create a new memo in my voice recording app.
Hi, Jo. It’s Shelley Miller. I have an awkward question for you. I know it’s been a while since we’ve talked, but I’m following your work and cheering you on from the sidelines. I saw your article this morning in my doctor’s office. The one that said up to fifteen percent of women have never, um, achieved a climax? Uh, well, I think, or I should say IknowI’m in that camp, unfortunately. And I’m just wondering if you have any, like, professional advice for people in my…situation? I already see a few doctors on the regular. I don’t know what’s wrong with me or my body, other than it might be a side effect of my ADHD meds, and I would love to finally get an answer. Do you think we might be able to chat when you have a free minute? Sorry, I know this is awkward. Thanks for considering.
I take a breath and gather my courage, then type “Jo” into the search area. It brings up my J contacts, and I click her name quickly to send the message, then I slam my phone face-down on the bed.
Just breathe. It’s a medical problem. Nothing wrong with seeking an opinion from a professional.
It’s not long before the phone buzzes. I swallow and take another calming breath, trying to force myself to be mature about this whole thing.
The plan to act like an adult immediately goes out the window when I see the message is from my brother’s best friend.
Jordan:Hey, Shelley. I think you intended this for someone else.
Chapter 2
Shelley
My stomach drops straight through my feet.
No.
No no no no no. This cannot be happening.
I sent that message to Jordan? Not Josephine Wilson? But Jordan Freaking Wagner?
As in my professional baseball-playing brother’s best friend and teammate. The guy Mike currently lives with, and the one on whom I’ve been secretly crushing since the first time we met. That Jordan? The one with the great smile who makes the most intense eye contact I’ve ever experienced. Jordan just heard me say out loud in my own voice that I can’t climax. Plus, now he knows I need to see a psychiatrist on a regular basis.
Awesome.
Me:Sorry. I can’t respond to you right now because my soul left my body and I have expired.
Jordan:OK. R.I.P. But it’s sad knowing you’re gone before you ever really lived.
Me:OMG. Stop. Can we please pretend this never happened?
My phone rings. It’s him. Great. Just what I need today.
“So much for pretending,” I answer.
“If that’s what you want, that’s fine. But before I let it go, I feel a responsibility to say you don’t need to be embarrassed about this.”
I scoff.“Okay, great. Let me justswitch off my human emotions tap, since you’re the one deciding how I feel now. Turn the embarrassment off, you say? Perfect. All better now. Why didn’t I think of that?” Do I feel a little bit bad about snapping at him? Sure. But he still doesn’t get to tell me how to react.
“Sorry. I only meant you’re probably not the problem in this scenario.”
I scoff again, harder this time. If there were any weight to that theory, the Petal Pulverizer would have proven itself more effective, and I’d be blissed out and sinking into a three-hour nap instead of having this conversation or considering injections.
“Maybe your partner just doesn’t know what they’re doing?” he offers.
Can someone please tell me where men get their audacity? They seem to buy it in bulk.
“Not helping. Also,that assumes there is a partner,” I counter.
There’s a smile behind the words when he says,“Fair point, Counselor. I see why they let you into law school.”
I should not be talking to my brother’s friend about this. He’s not a doctor. He’s the starting first baseman for the North Bay Blue Crabs, the minor league team in a tiny little waterfront town in the Northern Neck of Virginia. Outside of the few times I visited Mike and Jordan was nice to me, we hardly know each other. So what if he’s tall, kind of funny, and seems to be trying to be sweet in a misguided, but well-meaning sort of way? None of that gives him the right to weigh in on my sex life. Or lack thereof. I clearly did not invite him into this discussion on purpose.
