She huffs. “Fine. It was a seafood restaurant. There was one point where the server asked if we’d like to order mussels. I said if I knew it was that easy to get them, I would stop wasting so much time at the gym.”
“Ouch. There’s no excuse for the bleeding on tableware or the mommy issues, but that one’s a little bit on you. That’s an objectively terrible joke.”
“Was not. The server laughed.”
“Yeah, because it’s their job to put up with stuff like that.”
She groans. “I thought you were supposed to be helping. You told me I could talk to you about these things.”
“Sorry. Go on. Then what happened?”
“Not much. It was lame. He hardly spoke to me. Before the nosebleed fiasco, he took four calls on speakerphone at the table: his mom twice, his banker, and another woman he’s apparently seeing tomorrow night. We ate some, then he bled everywhere and said he needed to get back to his apartment to let his dog out. He asked if I wanted to swing by later and meet the dog.”
Why is she wasting her time getting upset about this dickhead? “Was there really a dog, or is that a euphemism?”
Shelley lets out a pained sound. “Ew. I hadn’t considered that possibility until this moment, so thanks for that. I assumed there was an actual dog, but now that you mention it, he never said the dog’s name or what breed it was. But it doesn’t matter because I said no thanks and told him I have an early class.”
“Do you?”
“Not really. I needed an out. My first class is at ten.” An unexpected flood of relief hits me as she says it.
“So, what’s this call really about, then?” If she didn’t like the guy, I’m not sure what she wants me to say here. I’m not going to help her orchestrate hookups with people she doesn’t even like.
A low groan comes back at me. “I hate that you’re making me say it. I guess I’m just lonely and…frustrated.”
“Frustrated how?”
“Come on, Jordan. Don’t act dense. I know things got a little intense at the hotel, but I don’t have anyone else to talk to about this stuff. You said I could ask for your help with this.”
“What I said was if you ask me questions, I’ll do my best to answer them. So far, I haven’t heard a single question out of you.” There’s a pause, which I take as her admission she knows I’m right. I hate this guy for making her second-guess herself, and it sucks that he wasted her time tonight, but I know I have no right to be jealous here. I’m the one who pumped the brakes at the hotel.
“Technically, I did ask a question. I asked, ‘Why are men?’” she insists. Then her voice comes out small and quiet when she asks what she really wants to know. “Do you think…do you think I’m broken?”
My chest squeezes. I don’t even bother trying to school the pained expression on my face, but I try to keep my own voice neutral and not sound as sad and exasperated as I feel when I say, “No. I don’t.”
“Maybe I’ll just never be able to connect with someone the way other people can. And as much as I’d like to be okay with it and take pleasure in my own company, it turns out I can’t even do that right. My body is defective.”
I want to tell her that between my elbow issues and my own confusion, I know the feeling two-fold, but I don’t want to pull focus onto myself. She reached out because she needs a friend. Right now is supposed to be about her.
I sigh and scrub a hand over my face. “I won’t make any comments about that, other than seeing as how you’ve already been to multiple doctors, we know it’s not a problem with your anatomy. I doubt this is going to last forever. You said they told you it was a mental block, right?” Honestly, as much as I relate, it’s getting a little tiresome to have to keep repeating myself about this. Shelley is so sure of herself in every other aspect of her life, it’s hard to watch her fumble over her own insecurities when it comes to her body. But I know I can’t make a habit of telling my best friend’s sister how hot I think she is. “It’s okay tobe alone, you know. Maybe take dating off the table for a while. Or just take some time to figure out what you actually want.”
Shelley’s face falls. I must’ve said something wrong, but I can’t think what. I was trying to be careful.
“Okay. This was maybe not such a great idea after all. I’m gonna go.” She hangs up before I can say goodbye.
I shake my head and stare at the phone in my hand for a solid minute before a light tap on my doorframe causes me to look up and see Jake rap on it with his knuckles.
“I shouldn’t have taken that nap. Now I can’t sleep. Do you want to play a few rounds of Mario Kart or something?” His head tilts, noticing the expression on my face. “You good?”
Am I good? I have no valid reason not to be. Shelley’s giving me the space I told her I wanted. But there’s a dull headache brewing in my left temple anyway. “Sure. I’ll be there in a minute.”
Looking down at my phone again, I wonder if I should try to say something encouraging to her. I don’t like the way we keep ending things, but I also don’t want to make a big deal out of something that shouldn’t be. I toss my phone onto my bed and walk out of the room, shutting the door on it for now.
Chapter 13
Shelley
Islam my book shut and give up pretending to concentrate on studying. Every spare brain cell I have is still dedicated to dissecting last night’s conversation. Maybe it was rude to hang up on Jordan, but Idoknow what I want. I’m just not ready to hear him tell me once again why I can’t have him. Or apparently why I shouldn’t be with anyone else either. Or maybe I’m being harsh, because he didn’t actually say that.
