“So are you.”
“Yeah,” he said. “Hard to sleep when someone’s glaring at me from across the pillow.”
“I’m not glaring.”
“You kind of are.”
I turned to face him—big mistake. His face was right there in the half-light, shadows cutting across his jaw, the faintest smile still playing at his lips. We lay there in silence, the space between us about six inches wide and somehow enormous. I could hear the faint sound of his breathing, the rustle of sheets when he shifted slightly, the creak of the bed frame.
Another pause. But this time I was the one to break it.
“Hey, Tino?”
“I thought we weren’t allowed to talk.”
I roll my eyes in the dark and ignore his comment. “Why did you choose hockey?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, you aren’t part of the band with your brothers. Does it ever bother you that you chose a different path?”
“Not really. I like having my own thing.” He was quiet for a moment, then he asked, “Why do you ask?”
“I was just thinking about the bonfire and you playing guitar and I just... I don’t know. I was curious if you felt left out at all.”
“Well now I do.”
I rolled my eyes. “Tino.”
He chuckles softly. “No. I don’t feel left out. Do you feel left out from your brother’s life when you come here and see him with his bandmates?”
It hurt a little bit, thinking about how the few chances I get to see Luca anymore are with his band or running from fan girls. But something about the fact that Luca noticed that piece of me was like a balm over the sting. “A little bit. Not left out from the band or the singing, just... from his life. I hardly ever get to see him anymore.”
“What if you could?” Tino asked. He cleared his throat and his voice sounded a little strange as he continued. “I mean, what if you could leave Hartwell and live here instead like Nina? Would you want to?”
I would be lying if I said the thought hadn’t crossed my mind when Nina told me she was moving out here. Initially, it was only supposed to be temporary while our parents were staying with our grandmother after she had surgery. But she’d thrived so much here that she’d decided to stick it out for the rest of her high school career. She’d complained occasionally about it since living with five teenage boys wasn’t exactly a picnic, but it was obvious that she loved it. And if I was completely honest with myself, I was a little bit jealous. Except…
“No,” I said softly. “I wouldn’t.”
“Really?” Was that surprise in Tino’s voice? Or was it happiness?
I sighed and rolled onto my back, staring up at the ceiling. “I love Hartwell. I love being at boarding school and I love seeing my friends every day and I would hate to…” I trailed off, knowing I couldn’t say the words I wanted to:I would hate to lose you. If I left Hartwell, I wouldn’t really lose Poppy and Saylor—Poppy’s family lived right next door to the band and Saylor would be more than happy to come out and visit us. But I wasn’t sure that Tino and I were close enough to survive that distance. We would say that we’d keep in touch, but then time would pass and suddenly it wouldn’t seem so important anymore, until one day, we would run into each other at some event for the bands or whatever and realize that we’d completely forgotten about each other’s existences. Then we would go out and reminisce about our Hartwell days, about that time we’d fake dated, and that would be that. We might never even see each other again after that, save for our best friends marrying each other.
Emotion caught in my throat as I imagined that future. I couldn’t let that happen. I wouldn’t.
“Hey, Lilah?” Tino asked, breaking the silence. I blinked and wiped at my eyes, not even realizing that tears had begun to spring up in them.
“What?” I asked, hoping my voice sounded normal and not choked up at all.
“If I accidentally cross the line in my sleep?—”
“I’ll kick you.”
“That’s fair.”
Another pause.
“Goodnight,” he said softly.
