Was she overreacting because of past trauma?
“No,” she said, more to herself than her mother. “It’s not because of those things. Not really. It’s just…this has all become real to me. And to Tank, it’s just pretend.”
“How do you know that?”
“Because that’s what we agreed to,” McKenna replied.
“Correct. You both agreed to do this fake dating thing. But over the past few weeks, your feelings have changed. How do you know Tank’s haven’t? Have you asked him?”
She hadn’t. Because she was too afraid to hear the answer.
“I’ll take your silence as a no,” Mom added. “I didn’t raise a coward, Mickey. The way I see it, you have the opportunity to right not just one wrong tonight but two.”
“What do you mean?”
“Go see your dad.”
“Why?” McKenna asked.
“Because Tank isn’t the only one you’ve been holding at arm’s length. Part of your reason for moving to Baltimore was so that you’d have the chance to forge a relationship with your father. You haven’t done that. Not really. And I’m concerned that until you address things with your dad, you’ll always hold part of yourself back from others out of fear of rejection.”
McKenna blew out a long, slow sigh. “You’re really smart,” she finally said, begrudgingly.
Her mother, her favorite person on the planet, laughed loudly. “Damn right. I’ve waited a lifetime to hear you admit that. Now call your dad.”
Before McKenna could say okay to that, her mother told her she loved her and hung up.
And for the second time tonight, she dialed the phone before she could think better of it.
Dad answered on the second ring. “Hey, Kenny. What’s up?”
“I’m sorry for calling so late. I was, uh…I was wondering if I could come by.”
“Of course, you can.”
“Okay. I’m in my car now. I’ll be there in ten minutes.”
“I’ll be waiting.”
They disconnected the phone. McKenna’s thoughts were so chaotic now, she feared her brain would implode. She was stressed enough about the Tank thing, so why in the hell did she think opening the whole dad can of worms was a good idea?
McKenna had been to her father’s place in Baltimore a handful of times since moving to the city, each time for dinner, except once just before the holidays when they exchanged gifts.
Ever since that initial face-to-face meeting at her graduation, her father began reaching out regularly, the two of them talking on the phone weekly, and he’d visited her at college at least once each semester for four years.
Mom wasn’t wrong about McKenna continuing to hold him at arm’s length, however. While she longed for a real father/daughter relationship, she honestly wasn’t sure how to get there, and it was clear her dad didn’t, either.
She had hoped the move to Baltimore would help, since they’d be in close proximity, but so far, the two of them had remained in the same “holding pattern,” where they both walked on eggshells around each other, keeping things casual and friendly.
Her dad was standing in the open doorway of his house when she parked in the driveway. It was clear from his face that he was concerned, which wasn’t a surprise, because she never dropped by like this.
She wasn’t sure what she expected tonight to bring…but she knew what she needed.
So when she climbed the porch steps, it felt like the most natural thing in the world to simply walk into his outstretched arms and sink into his warm, comforting embrace.
“Dad,” she said, her voice breaking as the tears she’d done a shitty job of holding back finally broke free in a torrent.
“Kenny,” he said, holding her tightly, his own voice a bit wobbly as it hit both of them that was the first time she’d ever called him Dad…instead of Dean.
