I’d dreamed of her a thousand different ways: light pink lips and dark pink, hair every shade from the copper on her head to the brown of her eyebrows, all of it framed by that soft, pale skin. A thousand ways...and all of them perfect. I was going to drag those shorts off her—tear them off, if I had to—and then I was going to bury myself in that lush body, feel that heat around my aching cock. I wanted to see her gasp and pant and dig her nails into my back as I pounded her bare ass into the dirt.
She opened her eyes and stared up at me, the liquid green of a forest clearing. So innocent.
I froze.
“What?” she asked, sounding worried. The sound of her voicemade it even worse: soft and sweet and almost apologetic. She was worriedshe’ddone something wrong.
I sat slowly back on my heels, looking at what I’d done to her with fresh eyes: her pale skin smudged with mud, her hair mussed, her top and bra hanging in shreds, breasts still shining from my mouth.
I’d been about to not just fuck her butpoundher, down here in the dirt, getting her filthy, tearing her clothes...as if by doing that I could somehow bring her down to my level. Part of me had always been turned on by the gulf between us: the thought of taking someone so pure and leading them down into dark, moaning pleasure. But now that I saw what I was doing….
I couldn’t do it. The only thing stronger than my need to fuck her was my need to protect her. It was almost as if I was seeing myself through someone else’s eyes. I didn’twanta guy like me fucking her.
“I’m sorry,” I muttered, getting to my feet.
“W—what?!”She half-sat up, then felt her ruined top and bra fall around her waist and tried to cover herself. Suddenly, it hit home that she was outside and she looked around fearfully, clutching the rags to her breasts. “What?What are you—”
I shook my head helplessly. And saw the tears well up in her eyes.Ah, shit!
She jumped to her feet, glancing down disbelievingly at her ruined clothes and dirt-smudged body. “Don’t—”—her breathing hitched—”don’t you...want me?”
Part of me died inside. This was destroying her and it was all my fault. “Yeah. Jesus,yeah!But...this is wrong. You can’t get tangled up in my life.”
She had her arms crossed over her breasts, now, holding the shreds of white and pink fabric against her. Tears were spilling down her cheeks. “I alreadyam!”
I shook my head fiercely. I hated to see her cry but with every tear I was more sure. “You need a good fucking man,” I snapped. “Not me.” And I marched into the house, straight through it and down to the road, not stopping until I reached my car. I walked as fast as Icould, but I still couldn’t outrun the choking, helpless sob behind me as she really started to cry.
In the Mustang, I started the engine and then pounded my fist on the dash so hard the plastic cracked.Fuck!I wasn’t mad at myself for stopping. I’d done the right thing. I was mad at myself for letting it go so far.
I slammed the car into gear and roared off down the street. No matter how hard it was, I had to make sure nothing like this ever happened again.
28
LOUISE
I heardthe Mustang roar off down the street and that gave me the confidence to hurry inside the house. I didn’t want him to see me like this. I wasn’t sure I ever wanted him to see me again, period.
I was a mess. There was grass in my hair and mud on my knees and calves. My top and bra were ruined and filthy with dirt where we’d rolled around. But the worst damage wasn’t visible.
What the fuck had just happened? After weeks—months—of us both lusting after each other, suddenly he’d decided it couldn’t work? And he’d waited until he had me half-naked and panting under him, still flushed from the freaking orgasm?
The worst part was that, however much I raged about it, however much I hated him for it, I knew he was right. He’d given voice to exactly what I’d been worrying about. I’d been thinking all this time that we shouldn’t get involved, that giving into it would be the worst thing possible, connecting Kayley and me to a world we should stay the hell away from. I’d known this...but it was Sean who’d called a stop to things. He’d reduced me to such an aching hot mess that I would have gone ahead and had sex with him...and loved it. He was the criminal and I was the mom and yethewas the responsible one.
Well done, Louise. Well freaking done.
And what now? My stomach lurched.What if he doesn’t come back?I had no idea how to go about selling the crop, or how to protect it as harvest time grew near and it became more and more valuable. By letting things get out of control, I might have just jeopardized the whole plan. I might have just thrown away Kayley’s only hope.
I braced my hands on the edge of a table and leaned over it, shoulders silently heaving as I wept. I could hear my tears falling onto the leaves of the plants like rain.
Idiot! You freaking idiot!
And then there was the least important thing of all: my own shattered pride. I knew he’d done the right thing, but that didn’t stop the rejection hurting. It wasn’t just the physical side...when we’d been planting the rose I’d thought I was actually getting close to him. And that just made me feel even more stupid, for letting those sorts of feelings creep up on me when we were so obviously, completely wrong for each other.
I knew things would change, now. The next morning, I found out how much.
29
LOUISE
