We needed supplies, so we drove to the nearest hardware store, still covered in dust. We barely talked on the way, Sean keeping his eyes on the road and me chewing nervously on my lip. Nearly hitting me had changed things: I was at arm’s length again...maybe for good.
At the store, we filled three shopping carts with stuff: the securitydoors I understood, but Sean bought wood, wallpaper, even window blinds. I didn’t get it: were we going to redecorate?
Back at the house, Sean went to work and I spent the rest of the day planning out the rows of plants: how could we pack the most in without overcrowding them? I got so absorbed in it, it was evening before I looked up and saw what he’d done.
Each of the house’s windows was now covered by a floor-to-ceiling box of false walls, like a tiny room only a few feet wide. I frowned, not understanding at first. Then I saw that the wallpaper he’d bought was gone. “Wait,” I said, pointing, “from the outside, does it look…?”
He turned to look at me and I saw that the brooding anger had faded away. I even got a hint of a smile. “Let’s go see.”
We went outside and looked in through the nearest window. It looked great: through the half-closed blinds we could see the wallpapered wall a few feet beyond...and nothing else. There was no hint that the house was now just an empty shell inside, and there would be no way anyone could see a plant. “That’s brilliant!” I told him.
He shrugged self-consciously but I could tell he was proud. “Ah, it’s not.”
I threw an arm around his shoulders and pulled him close to my side. “Are you kidding? It’ssomuch better than just papering over the windows. That’d look suspicious. This looks...normal.”
He shrugged again, but he allowed himself a tiny smile. It looked great on him...but, at the same time, it made my chest crush inwards: I got the haunting impression that it was the first time anyone had ever praised him for anything.
I wanted to say:See? You can build stuff, not just smash it.But I didn’t know how to put it into words. It didn’t help that I was suddenly distracted. Now that I’d pulled him up against me, I was very aware of the hard press of his body, all the way from shoulder to ankle, and how it would only take the smallest twist of our bodies to be pressed thigh to thigh, chest to breast, lips to lips. He didn’t say anything, but his shoulder tensed under my hand. I felt him turn his head and myscalp prickled as I felt him looking down at me. If I lifted my head and looked up into his eyes, would something happen? Would he grab me and—
It was all too much, too fast. I dropped my hand from his shoulder and stepped quickly away. “We should get on,” I croaked. I walked back into the house and forced myself not to look back. If I looked back and he was looking at me...I wasn’t totally sure I’d be able to control myself.
Back inside, he swept up the piles of dust and debris and I pretended to be measuring for the tables. Inside, I was going over and over what had just happened. Had we been seconds away from a kiss? I was simultaneously giddy with the thought of it and berating myself for even thinking of getting involved with someone like him.
When I’d got myself together, Sean was installing heavy metal security doors to replace the existing ones. “Do we really need those?” I asked, worried.
He looked at me seriously and nodded. My stomach flipped over. It was a reminder of what we were getting into. People were going to want to break in. Steal stuff. Hurt us.
And he understood those people because he was one of them.Jesus, and I’m standing here fantasizing about him.I crushed the feelings down inside.Get it together!
Another hour and the house was ready: one big, empty, secure space. It was perfect...but with the windows boxed off, all the light was artificial. And with the security doors in place, it felt more industrial than homely.
That’s what this is,I reminded myself.A factory. A factory for making money.I’d be hunkered down in here for most of the next six months. I glanced around, suddenly claustrophobic despite the space. Then I looked down at my dust-covered, sweaty body. “I wish we’d kept the bathroom,” I muttered, thinking out loud.
Sean looked up. “We did.”
He led me down to the end of the house, where he’d made another of the tiny rooms to cover the bathroom window. He’d almost halved the bathroom’s size, but he’d managed to keep thetoilet, shower stall and sink. There was no door, so he had to move aside one of the wood panels to let me in. “Thought you’d want somewhere to wash,” he told me.
I looked from the shower to him in astonishment, then delight. Having a bathroom would make the place a lot more comfortable. And I needed a shower right now—my hair was matted with dust and it was caked on my skin and even inside my clothes. But... “There aren’t any towels,” I realized.
“There are curtains,” said Sean. “From the lounge.”
I looked at him blankly.
“The...drapes,”he said, having to grope for the American word. “From theliving room.”He unfolded one of the big, scarlet drapes and threw it to me.
I didn’t need telling twice. I got inside the tiny room and waited while he propped the wood panel back in place. There was almost no floor space: I had to undress in the shower stall and hang my clothes on the sink. But it didn’t matter: sluicing the dust from my body felt amazing. The water turned gray for a while, there was so much dirt, but soon I was clean and luxuriating under the spray, letting it beat on my tired shoulders.
I started to think about Sean. I’d already had to rework my opinion of him countless times. Just days ago, he’d been the scary guy in the elevator, the notorious thug everyone avoided. I’d seen too much to believe that’s all he was. I’d caught glimpses of who he used to be...or maybe who he had the potential to be. And I liked that person.
But none of that changed who he was. Seeing that cold, deadly anger in full force as he’d torn the house apart really had shaken me. It didn’t feel as if he’d ever hurtme...the horror in his eyes when he’d nearly clipped me with the hammer told me that. But he hurt other people...plenty of them. And he was a criminal, part of a world I barely knew.
I froze.That isn’t true anymore, is it?I’d leapt right into that world. Technically, now,Iwas the criminal. I was the one growing half a million dollars worth of weed. He was just hired help.
Was that why I was drawn to him? Was I just trying to find support, or prove to myself that his world wasn’t all bad? But even before deciding to grow, I’d been attracted to him. I’d lain in bed, imagining our bodies twisting together. I’d thought about how it would feel to kiss my way across the broad expanse of his hard, solid chest, to run my hand down his pecs, sliding down over his side and then over his abs, a slalom course that ended at his cock. I’d thought about how he’d grunt at the touch of my hand and shove me savagely back on the bed. Those powerful thighs of his, hard with muscle, levering my legs apart. His body pushing between them, God, no chance of fighting back at all, even if I wanted to. His hands on my shoulders, pressing me down into the bed, as he—
I registered a strange sighing sound and a change in the light, but it wasn’t until I heard the crash that I turned around.
The wood panel Sean had propped in place had toppled over and was now lying on the floor. That meant one whole side of the bathroom was missing, and Sean and I were standing facing each other, both of us gaping at the other one.
