I swallowed and looked him in the eye, trying to ignore the gleaming nakedness of his chest. “I want to grow weed,” I said. “I mean...alotof weed. A crop.”
He shook his head in disbelief. “You?”
For a second, it felt as if he’d punched me in the stomach. I mean, I knew I didn’t amount to much, a college dropout with a job going nowhere and close to zero in the bank. But I hadn’t expected him to put me down like that.
And then I saw the way he was looking at me. He wasn’t sneering at me. He was shocked, but he looked more...horrified. As if he thought I was better than that. The pain disappeared and was replaced by a warm flush, radiating outward.
“It’s not crazy,” I said. “At least...not as crazy as it sounds. Iknowthis stuff. I have a degree in botany—well, nearly. I know about indoor, intensive growing—that was my specialty. I read up on marijuana this morning—compared to a lot of plants it’s really not that hard.” I took a deep breath. “One crop—onebigcrop—that’s all we’d need. It’s April now. We could have it grown by September, sell it, and net half a million in profit.”
“Half a million dollars?” His face turned stern. “What kind of trouble are you in?”
It had been hard with Stacey. It should have been even harder with Sean because I barely knew him. But when I closed my eyes and started to speak, it felt...right. I didn’t feel as if I was in a stranger’s apartment. I felt a warm, dark, comforting presence, as if was really listening instead of just hearing me.
“My sister is sick,” I said. “Really sick. Half a million is how much money I need to save her. I’ve got six months to raise it.” I swallowed. “Her name’s Kayley. She’s only fourteen. She doesn’t deserve—”
“I know.”
I opened my eyes, surprised.
“I’ve seen her around the building with you,” he said. “The blonde kid.”
I blinked. He’d been watching us? Watchingme?Why would he—
He looked away, as if embarrassed. “I’m sorry,” he said. “That’s...it’s fuckin’ awful. But you need to find another way.”
I shook my head. “There is no other way.”
“You’ll get killed! You’ve got no idea—literally no idea—what you’re getting into. You’re too...good.”
“I know! That’s why I need you! You’re—” I cut myself off, but it was too late.
He raised one dark eyebrow. “A complete bastard?”he finished for me. I went to protest, but he shook his head. “No, it’s okay. That’s fair.” He gave a wry little smile, but it didn’t completely hide the flicker of pain in his eyes.
I put my hands out towards him as if trying to calm a wounded animal. “Look, I know plants. I can do that part of it. But you’re right, I don’t know anything about being a criminal.”
He shook his head. “You areso farfrom being a criminal this would be funny, if you weren’t going to wind up dead in a ditch.”
“Then help me! We can be partners! I’ll cut you in. I swear to God, it’ll be the best damn crop of weed you’ve ever seen. I’ll grow it; you sell it and protect me.”
He dropped his gaze to the floor and it stayed there while hethought. He crossed his arms, biceps bulging, and I barely dared to breathe while he debated it. Then he finally lifted his head, looked me in the eye, and said, “No.”
“No?Why? I’m not asking you to do this out of charity! I’ll pay you!”
He shook his head. “It’s not about the money.”
“Then what? You’ll happily take cash to smash things up, but not to help someone? What’s the matter with you?”
His big hand landed on my shoulder and then I was being pushed towards the door. “More than you want to know,” he muttered. And pushed me out into the hallway. The door slammed behind me.
I stood there gaping. Up on the roof, he’d been almost warm. Now he was back to being the Sean everyone talked about in hushed tones: brutal and cold.The Irish,a lot of people called him.The Irish smashed up some place last night.
And now I felt like he’d done the same to me. I’d peeled back my armor to reveal my one, fragile hope and he’d shattered it, told me that I was on my own and that I was nuts for even trying.
Well, fuck him.
If he wouldn’t help me, I’d just have to do it myself.
10
