I was ready to die.
I’d made my peace with it, during the walk back to my apartment after seeing Rick, and during the day training Sylvie. I was surprised by how easily I accepted it. In some ways, I guess I’d accepted I might die the very first time I went to fight at The Pit. And God knows the world wouldn’t be losing much. I was a pretty good fighter and a pretty average dock worker. The universe would do just fine without me.
What ate at me was the effect it would have on Sylvie. Would she ever forgive herself? I had to make it as quick as possible—in the first round, if possible. I couldn’t show pain. If she saw she was hurting me, she’d stop. I had to act like I was fine until I went down and then—
And then what? Would she really keep beating on me, until I was dead? On her own, no. But when she stopped, I knew Rick would be there to scream at her, to tell her she had no choice. He’d threaten Alec. I had to pray that that would be enough for her to finish the job.
Rick had swapped the air horn they used at The Pit for an old brass bell. It sounded to start the fight, the peals echoing off the metalwalls, but I didn’t want to stop kissing Sylvie. Her lips felt so good against mine. I knew it was the last time I’d ever feel them.
I broke the kiss, took a long, shuddering breath and stepped back, opening my eyes. I lifted my hands and we tapped our fists together for luck. I could see the tears welling up in her eyes and felt the heat of all the anger and pain building up behind my own.
And the fight began.
52
SYLVIE
We stoodthere staring at each other, fists raised but neither of us moving to hit the other one. Aedan nodded at me.He wants me to hit him. He wants me to hit him while he just stands there!
“Fight me!” I yelled over the crowd. “I can’t do it if you don’t fight me!”
He just stood there, solid as a rock, only his eyes betraying his emotions. I could see every muscle in his arms standing out, every vein.
“Hit me!”I screamed.
Rick re-entered the ring, a gun in his hand, and tapped his cane meaningfully on the floor. If one of us didn’t make a move, he was going to kill us both.
Letting out a low moan, I stepped forward and swung at the man I loved.
Standing perfectly still while someone hits you is one of the hardest things in the world. Aedan didn’t even flinch. My fist glanced off his jaw, a clumsy hit but enough to snap his head to the side. My guts knotted up.Jesus, what am I doing?
Aedan nodded at me to do it again.
I couldn’t hear anything and I realized the crowd were roaring,the shouts and cheers and leering comments about my body all blending into one noise. Rick was still standing beside us, gun raised.
“I love you,” mouthed Aedan. “Hit me.”
I hit him, this time putting my full force behind it. I just wanted to get Rick to back off. Normally, my fist wouldn’t have even got close to him or, if it did, it would have been like hitting a brick wall. But Aedan hadn’t tensed up. He’d left that ripped stomach relaxed and my punch seemed to go right to the very center of him, doubling him over. The crowd roared so loud that my ears hurt.
Aedan struggled for breath. I’d been winded a few times in training, though never that severely, so I knew the bursting, aching pain and the desperate fight for air. It tore my heart apart to see him like that and my mind screamed at me to do something, to stop the monster who was hurting my man.
But I couldn’t. The monster was me.
And now I saw Rick turn towards Aedan. His message was clear: he wanted this to be a real fight.
He wanted Aedan to hit me.
53
AEDAN
I straightened up,groaning at the pain in my stomach. And saw Sylvie begin to circle me, dodging and weaving. At first, I was relieved. She’d started to fight. Hopefully now she could get some good hits in and—
I realized she wasn’t punching. She was just dancing around me, making it look good.
Giving me a target.
She wasn’t doing it for her own benefit; she was doing it for mine. I saw Rick looming nearby, gun drawn, and got the message: I had to hit her, and she was trying to lure me into it.
