Say something.
He was a killer. He’d actually killed someone and hurt many more.
Stop him.
Every warning my dad had ever given me ran through my head. Every concept ofbad men.Ex-cons, with their prison tattoos. Rick’s bodyguards. Men I’d cross the street to avoid. Most of those men hadn’t killed anyone. But Aedan had.
Call him back right now or you’re going to lose him.
I tried to find a way around it.It was self-defense. He had no choice.But I couldn’t get past the image of the guy lying there on the floor of the pit, or his wife and kids at home. The knowledge was like a rock, crushing me down into the ground. This man I...loved...was a killer. Those same hands that had touched every part of my body had—Jesus.
I watched him disappear around the corner and then just sat there, head hunched against the rain. I let it soak through my hair and stream to the ground. I let it run down inside my t-shirt and flow down my back.
I imagined Rick slapping Aedan’s back after each fight, tellinghim over and over again how vicious he was. In some ways, it was a dark version of what Aedan had done for me—he’d changed his whole view of himself. But where Aedan had convinced me I could be strong, Rick had convinced Aedan that he was good for nothing but fighting. He’d twisted his mind. He was like a cruel dog owner who whips his animal until it snaps at anyone who comes near.
And Aedan had finally broken free of all that and sentenced himself to a life of solitude. And I’d showed up and asked him to train me...tohitme. God, that must have been unbearable for him. Just agreeing to train me, going back to that whole world...I felt sick at what I’d put him through. And yet he’d done it all, and for a stranger. I thought back to when he’d gone to The Pit with me and volunteered to take my place. He’d actually been willing to return to fighting—his worst nightmare—and for Rick, a man he must hate more than anyone in the world. All to protect me.
Maybe he was right—there was no fixing this. Nothing would bring back the man he’d killed. But he was trying to redeem himself. Shouldn’t that count for something?
I sat there frozen for another few seconds...and then jumped to my feet and raced after him.
Out on the street, out of the shelter of the alley, the rain pounded at your head and flooded your eyes. Cars had slowed down to a crawl and were sending huge fantails of rainwater up onto the sidewalk. I had to squint just to see Aedan—he was almost half a block away and moving fast.
“Aedan!” I yelled. No response.
I started to run. Rain was streaming down my face and getting in my mouth, making it difficult to breathe. I tried to go faster, but my sneakers were sodden sponges and my soaked jeans weighed me down. At every side street I had to double-check for trucks pulling out, because the rain made it impossible to hear. “Aedan!”
I never could have caught him if I hadn’t gotten into shape. But slowly, agonizingly, I gained. I was panting and gasping when I finally caught his arm and spun him around. Every muscle in his body was tense. He stared down at me, braced and ready. Ready for whateveruseless platitude I could offer. Ready for me to lie and say it was okay. I knew none of that was going to work.
“You fucked up,” I said at last, spitting it out through the rain. “You did a really bad thing. But you’re already paying for it, every day. I’ve seen the way you look at yourself. Walking away from this, walking away fromme—that’s not making things better. Torturing yourself won’t help.”
“You really want to be around someone like me?”
“Yes!”I took his face between my hands. “Rick used you! He manipulated youandEric. He’s the one who should suffer.” I gently put my arms around him. “I can’t make this go away—ever. I can’t even tell you it’s okay, or that you shouldn’t feel guilty. But I can tell you I love you.”
He stared at me. Those pale blue eyes were burning brighter than I’d ever seen them,wantingit to be true.
So I showed him the only way I could. I threw myself at him and kissed him. For a split second, his lips stayed closed. And then I felt his body relax against mine as the guilt bled out. I’d felt the weight of the knowledge for just a few seconds, back in the alley, and it had been unbearable. He’d been carrying that weight for years...and now it had finally been lifted.
We pulled each other closer, wrapping warm arms around rain-chilled waists. My breasts crushed against his chest and I could feel the beat of his heart through the sodden layers of our t-shirts. He lifted me off the ground and I clung to him, wrapping my legs around his waist. The rain poured down our faces, but it couldn’t hold back the heat of the kiss as we gasped and panted and his tongue explored my mouth. The heat of him warmed my chilled body, sending shudders out to my fingertips. At first, it was about reassurance—letting each other know that we wereback,that it was going to be okay. But slowly, it changed, becoming hotter and deeper. I could feel all the barriers between us finally lifting...leaving us free.
He drew back for a second, gazing at me as if to check he wasn’t dreaming. “God,” he rasped. “God, now I got you...I’m gonna do such bad things to you.”
I was naive enough to think he meantwhen we get home.
He set me down, took my hand and dragged me towards the nearest structure—a parking garage. His warm, urgent grip and the way he squeezed my hand in excitement was exactly what I’d longed for that morning on the subway. Everything was different, now. We were properly together for the first time.
When we reached the garage, he didn’t bother walking around to the entrance. He just lifted me over the low wall and inside, then vaulted the wall himself. The place was full of cars, but there didn’t seem to be anyone around—a good thing, judging by the looks Aedan was giving me. I don’t think he would have cared if there had been anyone around. At that point, I think he’d have happily fucked me in a police station.
I managed to steer him a little way away from the street, into the dark maze of cars, but he ran out of patience after just a few seconds and pushed me up against an SUV, his hands sliding up underneath my t-shirt. His lips found mine and his tongue slipped into my mouth. His hands cupped my breasts and he pinned me against the car, my wet shirt squeaking along the window. When the family who owned it came back for it that evening, they must have wondered why their car was dripping wet, indoors.
Then he stripped my t-shirt up and over my head.
“Not here,” I gasped. “We can’t.”
“Yes we feckin’ can.”
He reached behind me for the clasp of my bra, but his fingers kept slipping on the wet fabric. Frustrated, he flipped me around and pushed me forward against the car. My breasts pillowed against the driver’s side window, the glass shockingly cold. When he stripped off my bra and pulled me back against him, I saw my breasts had left a sideways figure of eight on the glass. Then his hands were cupping them, thumbs stroking across nipples that were already achingly hard.
