I looked around for something to hide under, but there was nothing. Besides, we were already as wet as we could possibly be. It would almost have been funny, if it hadn’t been for the tension that had been building all morning, and Aedan’s sour expression. “What?”I yelled, finally cracking. “Why are you angry with me?”
He stared at me. “You should have hit that guy. You should have stood up for yourself.”
I looked at him incredulously. “What?”
He looked even madder. “He was touching you! You know how to get in someone’s face, now. Why didn’t you?”
“You think it wasmy fault?!Jesus, are you going to start blaming rape victims next?”
“What are you talking about? I just want you to be able to stand up for yourself!” His eyes were flashing with anger, but I could see theconcern there, too. “You did it with the woman at the mall. Why not him?”
Oh. My. God.“Youcannotbe that stupid!He was a guy!”
“So what?”
“Are youkidding me?!Because—Because—” I stood there, rain streaming down my face, trying to find the words. “Because he’s aman!Because I’m a woman! Don’t you—don’t you get it?”
He stood there staring at me.
“Don’t you get what we’re scared of, when we get into any kind of a fight with a man?”
I saw realization finally dawn. But he shook his head. “No,” he said. “Not all men.”
“Yes!All fucking men! When it’s a stranger, and he’s right in your face and he’s being aggressive! Jesus, how could you not know that?” My hair was being plastered across my face by the rain. I pushed it angrily out of the way. “You’ve taught me to fight; I’m still a woman!”
His hands were bunching into fists, now. He didn’t want it to be true. “Not most guys. Some guys, maybe. Not most of us.”
The rain had chilled me to the bone, now, and I was shivering. “Not all the time. But when you’re a woman and a guy’s aggressive with you—yes! We always have that fear!”
He stared at me for a long time and I could see it slowly sinking in. “Jesus,” he said at last. Then, “Even me?”
I shook my head, some of the anger leaving me. “No. Not you. I’ve never felt that way about you.”
He nodded slowly and then turned away. “I’m sorry,” he said at last. “I’m really sorry. I just…” He shook his head in frustration and punched the dumpster so hard it rocked on its wheels. “I love you and I just want to protect you!”
The rain hissed down between us, a solid wall of water. “What?” I said, my voice breaking.
He shook his head. “I can’t—”
“Yes! Yes, you can! Aedan, I love you too! I just—I don’t know what’s going on with us! Talk to me! Tell me why you keep pushing me away!”
He shook his head again, glancing towards the street. I knew he was seconds away from walking off into the rain and, if he did, I wasn’t sure I’d ever see him again. “Tell me! What can be so bad? Come on, if you really love me then talk to me!”
He stared at the ground for a moment, the rain sluicing down his face. Then he finally looked up at me and nodded.
38
AEDAN
“I’d just comeover from Ireland,” I said. “Things had gone to hell with my family—that’s a whole different story—so I was pretty much on my own. But I was cocky as hell. I’d won those local championships back home and I thought I was going to be the next big thing. But I didn’t have a manager. No one knew me, no one wanted to take me on. I wound up at the bottom of the barrel.”
“The Pit,” Sylvie said slowly. “With Rick.”
I nodded. “I needed the money and it didn’t seem so bad, at first. I won my first five fights and that was a big deal, in that place. I was the champ and even in a shitty place like that, that means something. But the problem was, the better I got, the more people wanted to take me on.”
She nodded. I could see her tensing up, preparing herself.
“There’s only ever been two things I’m good at: fighting and fucking. I feel...rightwhen I’m in the ring. Like that’s where I’m supposed to be.” I sighed. “I told you: I’m just a thug.”
