I was still half asleep, so it took me a few seconds to realize what had happened. In my bathroom, the light comes from the other side.
I twisted slightly and my scars appeared from the shadows that had been hiding them. And everything they represented slammed back into my mind.
Coming here hadn’t fixed me at all. I hadn’t changed. I’d just forgotten what I was for a few hours, thanks to lust...and maybe deeper feelings.
I’d been weak. I’d thought with my cock instead of putting her first. She said she wanted a bad boy but I was afeckof a lot more than a walk on the wild side. I was the worst sort of guy. She just didn’t know it, yet.
For her sake, I had to push her away.
37
SYLVIE
In the showerthe next morning, I looked down at my body. The changes were easy to see. My core had tightened up. My thighs and calves were toned from all the footwork. My posture had even gotten better, because I’d strengthened all the muscles in my back. And the bruises were fading a little, enough that they could be mostly covered with make-up.
When I came out, Aedan was making coffee, which made me want to kiss him. So I did, snuggling up behind him wearing only a towel and touching my lips to the back of his neck.
He tensed up. “Hi,” he said.
I froze. Something was wrong. Something had changed, since we went to bed. He was back to that silent, brooding guy he’d been when I first met him. “What’s up?”
“Nothing’s up.” He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Here. Coffee.”
I frowned. “Aedan, what’s the matter?”
“Nothing’s the matter. Come on, let’s go shopping.”
Shopping?Neither of us had money for shopping. Was he going to surprise me again with another dress? That was sweet, but I couldn’t let him do it a second time.
Or was this him attempting to be romantic? I suddenly relaxed.Thatwas it! He was just some big, dumb guy and he was trying to play the boyfriend and getting it slightly wrong. Okay, I could live with that. It was actually kind of cute.
Something about it still didn’t seem right, but I was ready to believe anything rather than admit something was horribly wrong.
I dressed and we headed out. When we hit the street, I wished I’d brought a jacket because the summer heat had finally built to the point where a storm felt inevitable. Already, dark clouds were spreading over the city, coming our way. But it was too late now.
On the subway, I tentatively took Aedan’s hand and he smiled and held hands with me, but it felt mechanical and forced. Was this his past again, his belief that he shouldn’t be with me? Or was it simpler than that—was this just morning-after regrets? Had he just wanted to fuck me and now he was looking for a way out? But then why not just say something at the apartment? What was the shopping trip all about?
It’s romantic,I told myself furiously all the way to the mall.It’s romantic. What other reason could there be?I just had to give him a chance. He hadn’t dated in a long time so he wasn’t used to all this hanging-out-together stuff. That’s what it was.
And I wanted it to work so badly. He’d put on this faded blue t-shirt that hugged his arms and brought out his eyes and, every time I looked at him walking alongside me, my heart soared. This went beyond liking him, now. This was much more than that.But what if he doesn’t feel the same way?
Of course he does. It’s romantic.We walked into the mall.It’s a romantic shopping trip. In a minute, he’s going to surprise you with—
“Okay,” he said, stopping and turning to me. “This’ll do.”
We’d stopped in the middle of the mall’s main hall. My heart was pounding against my ribs, my face flushed with excitement.I was right! What is it? What is it?
“I want you,” he said, “to start a fight.”
His words rang around my head for a few seconds.
“What?” I croaked.
He crossed his arms, which meant he had to let go of my hand. I looked down stupidly at my empty palm. “You were intimidated by Jacki,” he told me. “A fight’s not just about fists. Half of it’s in the mind. You’ve got to get up in her face, next time. You’ve got to let her know she’s going to lose. Once she believes that, shewilllose.” He looked around us. “So pick a woman and start something.”
“Wh—What?” Someone had driven a chisel into my chest and was hammering it home, cracking me apart. I felt so goddamn stupid. Of course it had just been about sex. Of course this wasn’t some big romantic gesture. It was a training exercise. But I couldn’t let him see how upset I was. I felt stupid enough as it was. I redirected my pain. “I can’t just attack someone!” I snapped.
“You don’t have to hit her. Just get in her face. Yell at her.”
