Then he hanged my date the next year, and the decision was made. I started the process.
He’d been watching me. Waiting. Now he let out a soft sigh. “You wanted to get away from me. I knew that. I chose not to let you. I didn’t know where you were going to go, but I knew you were going to go somewhere. I made plans. I hadn’t just made the decision to push into this city. I started by taking over surrounding cities first.”
I was horrified. “On the off chance I decided to go somewhere else?” Him taking over meant death. Bloodshed. “How many people have you killed because of me?”
His eyes went full-on black. He moved in a flash, grabbing me and twisting so I was on the bed beneath him. He loomed over me, but lowered his head so he was a few inches from me. “None.”
I gulped. My hands were shaking. “Creighton—”
“None.” He let out a curse and ran his nose over my jawline before dipping down to my neck. He inhaled me, one big breath, and then lifted his head to hold my gaze again. “You need to get this through your head. You are not responsible for anything I choose to do. My choices, Blake. Mine. You can agree with them. You can hate them, but they are not yours. They are mine. Now, did I decide to start a war for you? No. I decided to push into a territory where you might attend college because I wanted to make sure the territory was safe for you. When I did that, when I made the decision to do that, I was met with resistance from the current territory holders. I did that. Me. You had nothing to do with that.”
I said weakly, “But if I hadn’t decided to come to this city, you wouldn’t have pushed your way in, and the people who died wouldn’t be dead.”
A new tenderness came over him.
He closed his eyes once, bent his head so his forehead rested on mine gently, and murmured, “I have minimal memories of my mother.A few. I don’t know if I loved her, but I didn’t hate her. My last memory of her was the night she overdosed on street crank. My first kill was her pimp. And if you think when I found out she had a whole family who did nothing to help her, that Iwasn’tgoing to do something about them? I was going to wreak havoc on the Worthing family. You coming to New York just meant that I wasn’t going to destroy all of their assets. I’d simply take them over instead. But no, Blake. Again. You have to stop trying to take responsibility for decisionsImake.”
Did that help? Hearing all of that?
Somewhat.
He let out another soft curse and moved us again, but this time he slid an arm underneath me, and lifted me. He reversed our positions so he was sitting against the headrest and I was on his lap.
I sank back on his legs, knowing what he was saying, and hearing the words, but I couldn’t accept them.
He ran a finger along my cheek again, sliding down to trace my neck until he cupped the back of my neck. “What’s battling in your head? Let me in.”
I drew in a ragged breath. “I’m the reason you took over Cincy. You started to do that after you met me—” A sob choked me. Those are years and years of death, all at my doorstep. All because of me.
He exhaled a long and deep breath. “You need to listen to me very clearly.”
I blinked back the tears and met his gaze.
“When you moved into Miss Marcie’s house, a particular network set up shop. Their specialty was kids for sex trafficking. They started taking kids in the neighborhood, and yes, one of their recruiters saw you, and his eyes lit up. I dug out his eyeballs that night, but there was a picture of you on his phone. He’d already sent it to his employers. They were going to move on you. I started tracking them down, and I took them out. I realized I wasgoodat doing that shit. Death and destruction. I took over the streets, then the city, because I didn’t want other little kids to get targeted. There’s rules in my territory. You recently learnedsome of them, but yeah, I run that territory, and yes, I do bad shit there. But I also keep them safe for people too. You’re so horrified at the people who died, but you don’t realize a lot of people are alive. If you insist on taking credit for the bad shit, take credit for the good shit too.”
A pressure was on my chest, pressing down.
I clung to his wrist, the one he had cupped around the back of my neck as if he were anchoring me. As if I needed my own touch on him to keep me grounded. I didn’t want to slip away, but the implications of what he said, the thought if I’d been taken? I knew it was true. I remembered more than a few older men giving me looks that made my skin crawl, and then they’d be gone the next day, and I remembered being relieved. I felt safe.
Creighton did that too.
“Creighton,” I choked out, a tear falling from my eye. “No one cared about me before you came along.”
He cursed, dragging me to him, and he caught the tear, wiping it away. “What are you talking about?”
Another tear fell. And another. “What you did for me? The good and bad. I’m not worth it. I didn’t deserve it. I don’t deserve it. I—” My chest was there, caving in. Just so much pain. It was paralyzing. “I’m not worth this.”
“Blake.” My name came out hoarse, broken, from him.
I’d never heard that sound from him.
A new tenderness was there, as if he were seeing me for the first time. A new gentleness. A new warmth. He was Creighton, but he wasn’t. He was staring at me as if he loved me.
I asked, my throat hurting, “You’re looking at me like—”
I reached up to touch his face.
He caught my hand, squeezing. “I’m looking at you like I love you because I do.” His eyes flared, hot. “OfcourseI love you.” He let go of me, and his hand slid into my hair, fisting it. “I’ve not told you because you wouldn’t believe me. I’m not so black and white, Blake. There’s gray in me. I can feel emotions. I love you. I know I do. The problemis if you’ll accept that or not. Before this conversation, I don’t think you would’ve. It’s not just obsession. It’s love. I love you.”
