“Let’s just watchTitanic,” Cam said, taking the DVD out of its case.
We sat and watched stiffly. Everyone else busted up laughing at the part when Jack stands at the helm and says, “I’m the king of the world.” I was silent. About midway through, Nicole whispered something into Conrad’sear, and the two of them stood up. “See you guys later,” Conrad said.
As soon as they were gone, I hissed, “They’re so disgusting. They probably went upstairs to go at it.”
“Go at it? Who says ‘go at it’?” Cam said, bemused.
“Shut up. Don’t you think she was gross?”
“Gross? No. I think she’s cute. A little too much bronzer, maybe.”
I laughed in spite of myself. “Bronzer? What do you know about bronzer?”
“I have an older sister, remember,” he said, smiling self-consciously. “She likes makeup. We share a bathroom.”
I didn’t remember Cam saying he had a sister.
“Well, anyway, she does wear too much bronzer. She’s bright orange! I wonder where her Red Sox hat is,” I mused.
Cam picked up the remote control and paused the movie. “Why are you so obsessed with her?”
“I’m not obsessed with her. Why would I be obsessed with her? She has no personality. She’s like one of those pod people. She looks at Conrad like he’s God.” I knew he was judging me for being so mean, but I couldn’t stop talking.
He looked at me like he wanted to say something, but he didn’t. Instead he turned the movie back on.
We sat there on the couch and finished watching the movie in silence. Toward the end I heard Conrad’s voiceon the stairs, and without even thinking I snuggled closer to Cam. I rested my head on his shoulder.
Conrad and Nicole came back downstairs, and Conrad looked at the two of us for a second before saying, “Tell my mom I took Nicole home.”
I barely looked up. “Okay.”
As soon as they were gone, Cam sat straight up, and I did too. He took a breath. “Did you invite me over here to make him jealous?”
“Who?” I said.
“You know who. Conrad.”
I could feel a flush rising up my chest and all the way to my cheeks. “No.” It seemed like everybody was wanting to know where things stood with Conrad and me.
“Do you still like him?”
“No.”
He let out a breath of air. “See, you hesitated.”
“No, I didn’t!”
Did I? Had I? I was sure I hadn’t. To Cam I said, “When I look at Conrad, all I feel is disgust.”
I could tell he didn’t believe it. I didn’t either. Because the truth was, when I looked at Conrad, all I felt was a yearning that never went away. It was the same as it had always been. Here I had this really great guy who actually liked me, and deep down inside I was still hung up on Conrad. There, that was the real truth. I had never really let go. I was just like Rose on that stupid makeshift raft.
Cam cleared his throat and said, “You’re leaving soon. Do you want to keep in touch?”
I hadn’t thought about that. He was right, the summer was almost over. Pretty soon I would be home again. “Um… do you?”
“Well, yeah. I do.”
He looked at me like he was expecting something, and I couldn’t figure out what it was for a few seconds. Then I said, “Me too. I do too.” But it came too late. Cam took his cell phone out of his pocket and said he’d better get going. I didn’t argue.
