“Iknowthat.” Then she looked at me, and her eyes widened. “Why, do you like him now?”
“No!”
She let out an impatient breath of air. “Belly, you’ve got to pick one. You can’t have them both.”
“I know that,” I snapped. “And for your information, I don’t want either of them. It’s not like they look at me like that anyway. They look at me like Steven does. Like a little sister.”
Taylor tugged at my T-shirt collar. “Well, maybe if you showed a little cleave…”
I shrugged her hand away. “I’m not showing any ‘cleave.’ And I told you I don’t like either of them. Not anymore.”
“So you don’t care that I’m going after Jeremy?” she asked. I could tell the only reason she was asking was so she could absolve herself of any future guilt. Not that she would even feel guilty.
So I said, “If I told you I cared, would you stop?”
She thought for, like, a second. “Probably. If you really, really cared. But then I would just go after Conrad. I’m here to have fun, Belly.”
I sighed. At least she was honest. I wanted to say, I thought you were here to have fun withme. But I didn’t.
“Go after him,” I told her. “I don’t care.”
Taylor wiggled her eyebrows at me, her old trademark move. “Yay! It issoon.”
“Wait.” I grabbed her wrist. “Promise me you’ll be nice to him.”
“Of course I’ll be nice. I’m always nice.” She patted me on the shoulder. “You’re such a worrier, Belly. I told you, I just want to have fun.”
That’s when my mother and the boys came out, and for the first time there was no fight over shotgun. Jeremiah gave it over to Steven easily.
When we got to the boardwalk, Steven headed straight for the arcade and spent the whole night there. Jeremiah walked around with us, and he even rode the carousel, even though I knew he thought it was lame. He got all stretched out on the sleigh and pretended to take a nap while Taylor and I bounced up and down on horses, mine a blond palomino and hers a black stallion. (Black Beautywas still her favorite book, although she’d never admit it.) Then Taylor made him win her a stuffed Tweety Bird with the quarter toss. Jeremiah was a pro at the quarter toss. The Tweety Bird was huge, almost as tall as she was. He carried it for her.
I should never have gone along. I could have predicted the whole night, right down to how invisible I’d feel. All the time I wished I was at home, listening to Conrad play the guitar through my bedroom wall, or watching Woody Allen movies with Susannah and mymother. And I didn’t even like Woody Allen. I wondered if this was how the rest of the week was going to be. I’d forgotten that about Taylor, the way she got when she wanted something—driven, single-minded, and determined as all get-out. She’d just arrived, and already she’d forgotten about me.
chapternineteen
We’d only just gotten there, and it was already time for Steven to go. He and our dad were going on their college road trip, and instead of coming back to Cousins after, he was going home. Supposedly to start studying for the SATs, but more likely, to hang out with his new girlfriend.
I went to his room to watch him pack up. He hadn’t brought much, just a duffel bag. I was suddenly sad to see him leave. Without Steven everything would be off balance—he was the buffer, the real life reminder that nothing really changes, that everything can stay the same. Because, Steven never changed. He was just obnoxious, insufferable Steven, my big brother, the bane of my existence. He was like our old flannel blanket that smelled like wet dog—smelly, comforting, a part of the infrastructurethat made up my world. And with him there, everything would still be the same, three against one, boys against girls.
“I wish you weren’t leaving,” I said, tucking my knees into my chest.
“I’ll see you in a month,” he reminded me.
“A month and a half,” I corrected him sullenly. “You’re missing my birthday, you know.”
“I’ll give you your present when I see you at home.”
“Not the same.” I knew I was being a baby, but I couldn’t help it. “Will you at least send me a postcard?”
Steven zipped up his duffel bag. “I doubt I’ll have time. I’ll send you a text, though.”
“Will you bring me back a Princeton sweatshirt?” I couldn’t wait to wear a college sweatshirt. They were like a badge that said you were mature, practically college age if not already. I wished I had a whole drawer full of them.
“If I remember,” he said.
“I’ll remind you,” I said. “I’ll text you.”
“Okay. It’ll be your birthday present.”
