“Did she…did she hit you?” I asked, my heart aching for my older sister. I felt like I was suffocating, so I pulled off the sweater I was wearing and tossed it to the other end of the couch.
“No,” she assured me, and I felt myself breathe again. “She was only ever verbally and emotionally abusive, but it did just as much damage. Damage that has been plaguing me for years.”
“My, I’m so sorry,” I whispered, as I scoot closer to her.
“No, Raine,I’mthe one who should be sorry,” she said, taking my hands in hers. “I spent so many years hating the woman who raised me that I didn’t realize I’d turned into her. I treated you the same way that she treated me, and when you tried to tell me before, I couldn’t see it. I then did the same to Kenzie, Steven, and Alex, maybe not to the extent of what Mom did to me, but I can’t keep trying to dictate their lives. I can’t keep trying to dictateyourlife. I’m just so…angryall of the time. I’m angry that I let my disdain for our mother stop me from being there for you. I’m angry that I let her stop me from beingwith your dad. I’m angry that you were cheated out of having the life you were meant to have because of me and my trauma.”
“You have every right to be,” I assured her. She didn’t say anything, and there was a full minute of silence before she spoke again.
“You know what the most messed-up part about all of this is?” She asked, and I listened patiently. “It’s the fact that our mom is slowly losing her memory, almost as if she’s been given a clean slate. I know that's a terrible way to think, but how is it fair that she can’t remember how shitty she treated me, yet I have to? I’m the one who has to live with all of the pain and scars that she inflicted. How the fuck is that fair?!”
“It’s not.”
“No, it’s not,” she replied, wiping her tears. “When she found out I was pregnant with you, she lit into me, calling me everything but a child of God. She continued to treat me terribly until you were born, and then it was like a switch flipped in her mind. Do you know why she was a different person raising you?” I shook my head. “It’s because I almost died having you, yet we both pulled through. I sat there and watched as she thanked the heavens over and over for giving her another chance to be a better mother. She vowed to be there for her baby, Raine. No mention of me in her prayers, and I was sitting right beside her.”
“All she cared about was you,” she continued. “I was eighteen by then, and although she didn’t degrade me anymore, I could tell she only tolerated me for your sake. I never got to enjoy my childhood, Raine, but she made sure that you did. She made sure that you got to follow your dreams and dance and have a happy life, even when we could barely afford it.”
“Myra, I’m sorry,” I said, but she shook her head.
“Raine, there’s nothing for you to apologize for,” she said with a soft smile. “It doesn’t matter what I was going through; it didn’t give me the right to come back into your life so late andtry to dictate it. Who was I to shit on your dreams when all you were looking for was support?” She sighed. “I may have given birth to you, but I’ve never been a mother to you. Even though she treated me drastically differently, Iamgrateful that Mom treated you better.”
“Myra, I love you,” I tell her. “I didn’t know that you were going through so much, but finally hearing your side of the story puts so much into perspective. It’s gonna take me a while to forgive you, yes, but I’m willing to work at having a better relationship with you.” I take her hands in mine, and she looks at me apologetically. “You don’t have to always try to be so strong all the time, though. It’s okay to ask for help.”
“I know, and I am. I just started seeing someone last week, and I plan on continuing to,” she admits, and I nod. “Raine, I know it’s going to take some time, but I’m also willing to work on this relationship between us. I want to be better for you, for the others, and I know that starts with me. I know I’ve said it so many times today, but I really am sorry. I love you, and I promise to make up for all of the years we lost. I promise to be better.”
I don’t reply, but instead pull her into a hug, and I can feel the weight falling off her shoulders. All I wanted at the end of the day was to be loved and cared for by her, whether as a sister or a daughter. All I wanted was the connection with her I had when I was younger, before that jealousy and heartbreak got the best of her. I was looking forward to working toward happiness with her.
November 26th, 2025 - 3:25 AM
It’d been over a week since Myra and I’s little heart-to-heart, and I’ve been feeling so much lighter. We’d been messaging every day to check on each other and, not gonna lie, it felt strange not to be arguing, but I also enjoyed it. She told me that she’d switched from once-a-month sessions with her therapist to once-a-week sessions and was doing the work to unpack and heal her trauma. I was proud of her and let her know that I’d start seeing mine again in December.
She’d also sent me photos of her and my dad. He was a handsome guy, and I could see the resemblance between us. I had his nose and eyes. Even our smiles were similar. I’d spend hours flipping through the pictures, reliving all of their best moments. There were ones from back when they first met in sixth grade up until their senior year of high school. There were prom pictures and ones they’d taken on class trips.
They looked so damn happy, and when she explained that they’d started off as bestfriends before finally starting to date at fourteen, my heart grew heavier. I wanted to cry for their love that was lost because of their parents. I couldn’t help but think about how different my life could have been had they stayed together. I thought about how different Myra’s life could have been.
I shake the thought out of my head. I couldn’t let myself dwell on the past when I had enough to worry about in the present.
Speaking of which, things in my life were starting to feel easy again. I knew that we had a long way to go, so at times, I still felt myself holding my breath, waiting for the other shoe to drop. But I knew I had to stop waiting on the negatives and look forward to the positives. I realized that all these years of people doubting me and my abilities had made me quite the pessimist, so I was working to change that as well.
When Ginger and Dawn made it back to the house after my talk with Myra, I explained everything that we’d talked about, and they listened so intently. Overall, they were happy that she and I had come to an understanding, but they also made me remember that at the end of the day, it was me who I needed to put first. They both promised to be there for me every step of the way, from therapy to reconciliation, to dealing with the truth of why I didn’t have a father figure in my life. They assured me that they would listen whenever I needed to talk.
It felt so good to have people in my corner who cared about me as much as they did. They never judged me and even told me that my feelings about needing some time away from my mom were valid. After hearing all of the things she’d done to Myra, my mind was conflicted. On one hand, I still had so much love for her because shewasthe one who raised me with nothing but love. But on the other hand, just knowing that Myra hadn’t and still hasn’t received the same treatment didn’t sit right with me. Even though I hated to admit it, no matter how much I loved her, I couldn’t help but see her in a bit of a different light now.
There was also the part where my mom genuinely couldn’t recall the emotional abuse she put Myra through on most days. I couldn’t help but feel for Myra. I truly hoped that she could one day find peace, just like I was trying to. Our relationship being like Dawn’s with her siblings may be far out, but I had faith that one day we’d get to that point.
“Baby, you still up?” Dawn yawned as she sat up. I smiled a small smile, and she pulled me into her arms. I relaxed against her, and she kissed my forehead. “Couldn’t sleep?”
“Not really,” I admit, wrapping my arms around her. “I keep thinking about everything that has happened this past week. I can’t seem to turn my brain off long enough to sleep a full night.”
“You wanna talk about it?” she asks softly, but I shake my head. “Okay, well, tell me what you need. I’m here for you however you need me.”
“Can you take me for a drive?” I ask, looking up at her.
“Of course, love,” she nods.
I sit up, and she slides out of the bed to pull on a pair of sweats and a hoodie. I watch her movements and try my best not to get too turned on by the soft skin that flashed every time she moved. We hadn’t done anything sexual since before my life imploded, so I had a lot of pent-up desire, and I was a few seconds away from telling her to forget the ride and let me ride her instead.
“I know that look,” she chuckles as she walks over to my side of the bed. I spread my legs, welcoming her to stand between them. My hands rest on her waist as she cups my face in her hands. She leans down to kiss me softly. “You look like you want a different kind of ride.”
