“Raine, I truly don’t get how you live in chaos like this,” Myra said as she took in the pile of unfolded clothes sitting on one side of my bed and the messy desk, which had my makeup and other essentials scattered about. “I’m getting a headache just looking at it.”
I rolled my eyes at myself because she was always so dramatic. The house could be spotless, but let there be one thing she thought was out of place, and here she came, nagging and nitpicking. I didtryto keep things organized, but my ADHD and OCD are always fighting. One second, I need organization and routine, but the next, it’s as if my creativity thrives in chaos and clutter. It was a daily battle that drained my energy, so the last thing I needed was Myra constantly getting on my case. I wanted to scream, but I refused to give her the satisfaction of knowing that I cared about what she had to say.
“It’s not that deep, My,” I sighed. “I’ll clean up after I find what I’m looking for.”
“And what exactly is it that you’re looking for?”
I didn't answer her as I continued to search for the pair of leggings that I’d deemed my lucky pair. Today, the new session of dance classes began that I teach every Saturday at the local community center. Usually, those classes were geared towards teens and kids, but this time, I’d be teaching adults. It would be a first for me, so I wanted to make a good impression. I needed all the luck I could get.
“Haha! Found them!” I say, pulling them from where they sat in the bottom of my dresser drawer. I turned to show them to her, and she frowned. My smile faltered. “What now?”
“That’swhat you’ve been looking for?” She asked, her nose scrunched up. “I thought you’d thrown those old things away.”
“Why would I do that?” I asked, genuinely offended. “They’re still good as new, and you know I like wearing them on the first day of a new class.”
“Ugh, here we go again,” she groans, throwing her hands up. “You’re still on that? Raine, when are you going to stop chasing that impossible dream of yours? You’re 29 now. You should be settling down, finding a man, and having kids. You're not getting any younger, sis. You need to focus on what will make you money. I can’t believe you’re still so irresponsible.”
I wanted to punch her. I wanted toscream. I was so tired of being judged for wanting to follow my heart. I was so tired of her thinking that my worth was only measured by my ability to be a good wife to a man or a good mother to children. Hell, I didn’t even like men like that, and I only wanted one child whenever I got to that point in my life, which, mind you, wasn’t right now.
But she didn’t care.
She had this vision in her mind of who she wanted to be, of who Ishouldwant to be. But I wanted to dance. I wanted to travel the world. I wanted to fall in love with someone who loved me unconditionally and didn’t look down on me because I didn’t have it all figured out.
Was that too much to ask for?
“Hello? Earth to Raine?” Myra calls, snapping her fingers in my face. I glared at her. “First of all, fix your face.” I rolled my eyes. “Secondly, I don’t know why you’re getting so upset. You know I’m only looking out for you, sis. You can’t live with Ginger forever. Honestly, I don’t see why you’d want to.”
“Right, cool,” I say through clenched teeth. “Can we please talk about this tomorrow? I’m already behind schedule.”
She sighs. “Whatever, Riane,” she replies, tightening the grip of her purse on her shoulder. “Just make sure you’re at church tomorrow. I’m going to bring Mama, and then we can go out to eat afterwards. Please wear something other than that tight dress like last time. Nobody wants to see all your goodies in the house of the Lord.”
“Yeah, I can’t help that I’m thick,” I mumble as she exits the room.
I walk her to the door, and we do that same awkward hug we always do before she turns and struts down the stairs and to her car. I close the door and lean against it, pressing my forehead to it. I was always so exhausted whenever she stopped by.
I take a moment to collect myself before shaking off my annoyance and going to hop in the shower. Thirty minutes later, I’m clean, refreshed, and heading towards the community center. I felt a wave of peace wash over me as soon as I stepped into the building. It had been like a second home to me ever since I moved here a few months ago. There was just something about the people who worked there and the people who stopped by every day. You could really feel the community in the building.
“Good afternoon, Miss Cathy,” I spoke to the receptionist as I walked by. She smiled a warm smile.
“How are you today, Raine, sweetheart? Looking gorgeous as ever,” she complimented, and I giggled, thanking her. “Ready for your first adult class?”
“As ready as I’ll ever be,” I replied. “I’m a little nervous, but it’s nothing I can’t handle. If I can teach a bunch of kids and teens, then I should be able to teach ten adults, right?”
“If anyone can, it’d be you,” she nods. “You’re very talented, my love. You light up the room and command attention. Oh, if these old bones weren’t acting up, I would’ve been in there too.”
“I could always make you a simplified version, Miss Cathy. I don’t mind.”
“And I might just take you up on that, Sugar,” she smiled. I nodded. “Well, let me let you get on down there. I know they’re probably already waiting.”
I waved bye and headed down the hall to the room I’d be using. As I approached, I could see the small group of people standing around through the long floor-to-ceiling windows. They were all dressed in workout gear, chatting among themselves. As soon as I walked through the door, they all turned to look at me.
“Hi! My name is Raine,” I introduced myself as I set my bag down on a bench by the door. “Thank you for coming to my Adult Beginners Class. We’ll be meeting every Saturday at this time for the next four weeks. I know some of you may be nervous, but remember that the main objective is to have fun, okay?”
“Sounds good,” one of the women smiled, and the others agreed.
We spent a couple of minutes getting to know one another before starting with the stretches. Most of them admitted that they were taking this class to become a bit more active since their jobs were pretty stationary. I could relate to that. Sitting at a desk for seven hours a day made me restless. That’s another reason why I danced.
It made me feel free. Like I was flowing in the wind or dancing with the leaves as they fell. It felt like therapy to me. It was comforting in a way that felt like forehead kisses and warm drinks. It was a part of me, and I felt it in my soul.
