We walk over to one of the benches and sit together. Even though I try to put some space between us because I don’t want to get any of my sweat on her, she scoots closer anyway. I narrow my eyes at her, but she just flashes me an innocent smile.
“What?”
“Dawn, I am really sweaty, baby,” I point out.
“You act like you weren’t sweaty last night after I brought pleasure to this beautiful ass body over and over,” she replies, leaning in to gently press her nose into the crook of my neck. She moans at my scent before kissing my neck and then moving up to my earlobe. Shivers ran down my spine as she whispered, “You smell good, and Iknowyou taste good. Would you like a repeat of last week?”
My mind immediately flashed images of the first time she went down on me after rehearsal last week. It was heavenly, and I still couldn’t believe that she had me dripping for her in this very dance studio. My eyes traveled over to the corner we’d ducked off in, and it took everything in me not to drag her back over there again. We were gonna have to take a raincheck though, because this dance was more important right now.
“Aht! Aht!” I say, pushing her back gently. “Work first, play later.”
“And later we shall play however you want,” she continues to flirt, giving me a bit more space. I playfully rolled my eyes, and she chuckled. “Now, show me your dance video, love. I wanna watch the way your ass moves in these tight ass pants.”
“Girl, shut up!” I laugh, shaking my head once more. “You are so annoying.”
“Thank you,” she winks.
I smile, turning my attention back towards the phone. I finally push play, and we watch as I begin to move to the music. Dawn comments on how good I look, but I can see myself messing up on an 8-count and cringe at the visual. My stomach knotted as my mind was instantly flooded with thoughts of me messing up on stage and then throwing off the whole dance. Then, when I saw another mistake I’d made, those thoughts just intensified until that anxiety got the better of me, and my breathing became uneven.
Who have I been kidding? I wasn’t ready for this yet. Why had I talked myself into thinking that I could handle all of this pressure?
“Raine, love, are you okay?” Dawn asked, and my eyes snapped up to meet hers. She cupped my face in her hands and searched my eyes for an answer. “Baby, you’re crying. What’s wrong?”
“I messed up,” I whispered. “I-I messed up the dance.”
“Okay, that’s fine,” she assured me, but I shook my head.
“No, it’s not fine, Dawn,” I told her, pulling away. I sighed deeply as I rewound the video. I turned it to her before pressing play. “See, look here. I messed up on this 8-count and threw the next sequence off. What if I do this on stage and then have all the dancers andyoulooking crazy? That’ll be so embarrassing.” I huff, frustrated with myself. “I know I’m good, but what if I’m not good enough? What if I choke? What if I-”
“Do amazing and nothing bad happens?” She cuts me off, and I freeze. “Raine, sweetheart, listen to me.” I nod, wiping a tear as it falls. “It’s perfectly normal to be anxious and worried, but I promise you, you’re going to do amazing. I know it’s scary; hell, I was terrified when I performed for the first time. But after the initial anxiety, you’re gonna be good.”
“And what if I mess up?”
“Then you mess up,” she nods, and my eyebrows furrow. “But then you keep going. Own that shit, baby girl. There’s nothing more professional than knowing how to pivot when things don’t go the way you plan. In this industry, you always have to be prepared for the inevitable, and mistakes are one of those instances. Nobody’s perfect, but as long as you go out there and give it your all, you’ll feel good in the end.”
I nodded, letting her advice settle. She was right, and I told her as such. There had been many times in the past when I’d talk myself out of things because I was scared of failing. Scared of letting people down. Scared of being what I’d been told for years that I was, not good enough. Being told that these feelings were valid and that I shouldn’t let them rule me was all the motivation I needed.
I pulled Dawn closer to me and kissed her tenderly. She replied by pulling me into her lap and deepening it. I let myself be enveloped in her warmth and all the affection she had for me. My nerves eased, and my anxiety melted away. It was at that moment that I realized that she was one of my comfort people. When I was around her, all of my problems seemed to fade away.
But that’s not to say that she was thesolutionto all of my problems, but more so a welcome constant reminder that things could always get better. That I deserved better. She introduced so much compassion and softness into my life that I had never felt from a partner before. She was the warmth and patience that I craved. She was the push and encouragement that I needed.
She was so damn amazing.
“Okay, mamas,” she chuckles as we break apart. “I got a proposition for you.”
“A proposition?” I question. She nods, standing.
“Yes, ma’am.” She holds her hand out, and I take it, allowing her to pull me to my feet. “How about you take a break from choreographing and instead teach me a few moves?”
“Wait,youwanna dance?” I ask, equally shocked and excited. She nods. “Well, okay, sure! But you know I won’t go easy on you, right?”
“Mm, that’s hot,” she flirts, cocking her head to the side. “Don’t go easy on me, baby. Give me everything.”
“Oh my god, you’re so freaked out,” I chuckle, and she winks at me before smacking my ass. I swat her away as she runs over to the center of the room. I turn on some music and then join her. “Okay, Dawnie. Follow my lead.”
“Heard, chef!”
I giggle before leading her into stretches. She groans about having to do this first, but I explain to her the importance of it. She gives me a hard time, but it’s nothing too serious. Once the stretching is done, I try my best to teach her a few steps from an easier version of some choreo I came up with to one of her songs. It’s adorable seeing her trying to keep up with me, especially since she has two left feet, but she does surprisingly well in the end.
