This time, they didn’t look away from each other. Buck made sure Sterling stayed in the moment with him through every thrust.
“I love you.”
Sterling gasped as the words seemed to mix with the way Buck moved inside him. There was nothing inside his head but an overwhelming love for this man and a slow building pressure that threatened to unhinge him.
“The way you look at me when I’m inside you, you stay stuck in my head all hours of the day.”
Sterling’s breathing quickened.
“Fuck. You’re beautiful. I never get tired of staring at you. There’s something inside you that glows brighter than everyone else. I want to touch it.”
Goddamn. Buck knew Sterling had a bit of a praise kink. “I want you to touch it.” Sterling didn’t even know what they were talking about. But if Buck wanted to stroke any part of Sterling, he was in.
“When I’m inside you, I’m pretty sure our souls meet. No one makes me feel the way you do. It’s like you were made for me. Just flawless.”
Lord, he wouldn’t make it.
“I want to watch you come unglued. That’s the only time I’m certain you feel the same way I do.”
Sterling fought to breathe. The winding inside him had him half insane. He thought he should argue with Buck’s statement orsomething. Sterling kind of recognized he should reassure Buck, but his mind was gone. His tongue was busy whimpering.
“Let me have it.”
It only took two more thrusts, and the world darkened at the edges of his vision. Cries and rambled words escaped him. Sterling fought for his life, writhing and digging his short fingernails into Buck’s skin.
“Fuck, baby. Goddamn. You feel too good. I’m too addicted. Shit.” Buck’s final curse came out as a growl.
Sterling panted for air as he watched Buck come. Damn. He was sexy in the throes of passion. Sterling wished he could take a picture so he could take it out and savor the image anytime he wanted.
Buck’s mouth clashed with his. Their kiss was so heated, it felt like he hadn’t just blown. Buck always burned him to the ground. He knew Sterling’s body.
“I need to hold you.” Buck’s confession came between kisses. Sterling couldn’t give up Buck’s mouth. He made Sterling’s world disappear. That was the greatest relief he had ever known.
Buck didn’t give him a choice. “I’ll be right back.” Buck climbed from the bed and headed for the bathroom. He came back sans condom and carrying a washcloth. The material was warm as Buck gently cleaned him. Sterling’s heart swelled with love.There was no one like Buck. It felt like Sterling should say that. His throat wouldn’t work. His emotions had him in a chokehold.
After tossing the washcloth in the hamper, Buck settled in with Sterling to hold him. Sterling savored every second. He loved the way Buck’s heart beat and the way his breath brushed Sterling’s head. Sterling adored the sensation of Buck’s fingertips trailing back and forth against his skin. Goosebumps rose in their wake.
“Talk to me.”
Sterling startled as Buck’s words cut through the peace Sterling had found. A voice in his head screamed he didn’t want to talk. His mouth had no such qualms. “I don’t remember anything.” It was too late. It seemed he was having this conversation. But the first words freed something inside him, and he couldn’t stop. “Part of me wants to act like nothing happened. Then there’s the rest of me that can’t shake the fear and humiliation at realizing the truth. It seems like I should cower from touch or whatever, but it’s you. None of this probably makes any sense to you. Even I don’t know what I’m trying to say.”
“You’re making total sense.” His voice was so soothing. Sterling closed his eyes and savored the timbre. “It’s nowhere near the same, but when I was like eleven, I had an uncle corner me. Luckily, I got away before much happened beyond touching me inappropriately. Still, sometimes that memory sneaks up on me and horrifies me all over again. What you’re going through is way worse, of course. But I get what you’re saying. You don’t remember the actual deed, but that doesn’t stop the horror, but it didn’t scar you in the bedroom.”
Relief poured through Sterling. It felt good to be seen and understood. He nodded, squishing his face against Buck’s chest. “Exactly. Part of me is permanently traumatized, but I just don’t feel the way I think everyone expects me to feel. Then I feel guilty—like I should react a different way and maybe that means I’m even more damaged than I thought.” Frustration grew inside Sterling again. He always hated the way he rambled too much while saying nothing and blurring everything.
“You’re entitled to feel any which way you want about anything. You’re in control. Fuck what anyone else expects. You’re allowed to handle this however you need to.” Buck gently lifted Sterling’s chin to hold his stare. “I’ll be with you for every step. We’ll deal with whatever life throws our way—together.”
Sterling nodded. He felt a lot better from simply getting to speak his piece. “Yeah. I don’t really think we should wait long to get married.” He couldn’t give Buck time to change his mind.
Buck kissed him. The gesture was merely a sweet swipe of Buck’s lips across Sterling’s mouth. Still, Sterling’s heart swelled with love and happiness.
“Whatever you want. It’s yours.”
A hum rose in Sterling’s throat. “Mhmm. I like the sound of that. I think I can pull a third orgasm from you.”
Buck laughed. “Oh no. I definitely should’ve skipped that shower fun.”
An evil laugh escaped Sterling as he straddled Buck’s body. He couldn’t think of a single thing he would rather do than torture the love of his life. He had time.
