Is everyone seeking me out today? I grip his arm and haul back to my feet. My mood is foul, and I wait for him to begin to lecture me, but the look on his face is contrite. I sigh and dust the snow off my leggings as I stand. “I am not paying attention. This weather concerns me. Stay-see struggles with the cold.”
“All the humans do,” he agrees, a distant look in his eyes. No doubt he is thinking of his mate, the one that talks only with her hands. He focuses on me after a moment and smiles. “The weather should hold up for the next moon, though. This is just bad luck. After this storm, all will be quiet for several more hands of days, until the next full turn of the moon.” He claps my back. “Plenty of time to settle in to our new home.”
I grunt acknowledgment of his words. I think about our new home, like the other hunters do, but I am more focused on my mate and her well-being. I cannot relax while she is struggling so. “It is good to hear the weather will hold out.” If today is the last day of storms and snow for a time, I will take it. There are so many other things to worry about…like the way Stay-see and I are fracturing like an old bone.
Or were we ever strong and whole? I have no memories of it, but surely we were happy. Surely I cherished her. My mind has not changed; I am just missing parts of my memory. I cannot help but feel panic as she grows more and more distant, though. Being around the others, in this journey? It is just making it worse. There is not much privacy, and she is exhausted. If only we had time alone together, to talk in private and learn to understand one another again?—
I pause, thinking. The wind howls, and Rokan gestures at his own distant sled. “My mate will be up soon and wanting to eat before we travel. I will speak with you again soon, friend.” He raises a friendly hand. “Good day to you.”
I repeat the words back to him and focus on my sled, but I am not thinking about it. I am thinking about the weather and how it will hold for several more hands of days. Weeks, as the humans say. I am thinking of a hunter cave tucked into a nearby valley, a brisk walk from here. It is big enough to house a small family for several days, and there is a cache nearby thatcould feed us for several more days, even if the weather was too poor for hunting.
Am I brave enough to steal my Stay-see away like Raahosh did with Leezh? Like Hassen tried when he stole Li-lah? People have told me of these things, and I am both shocked and fascinated. No one disobeys the chief…and yet two males have in such a short period of time, simply because of the human females.
To break the tribe’s rules seems wrong to me…and yet I need to be alone with my mate. To connect with her again. To get an answer to this problem between us. But just running away does not seem to be the answer. I think of Rokan’s words, of how the weather will be clear.
Do I dare…? It would be an easy thing to let the sled drop back behind the others in the midst of the snow, to veer off the trail and take her toward the hunter cave. But the hunters would follow us. And my chief would be furious. I think for a moment…and then I stand.
I will not run away like a coward. I will let my chief know my wishes. Surely if I go to him first, he will understand.
I check the tent, but Stay-see is still sleeping. Good. I have time to speak to my chief, then. I jog through the encampment, a fire burning in my belly. The more I think about this decision, the more it feels right. I can keep my mate safe. All I need is a handful of days for her to rest, for us to establish ease between us once more. Then I can take her on to join the others.
I find Vektal breaking down his tent with his mate, Shorshie. She is bundled heavily against the weather, the furs making her body seem twice as round as it is. The chief gives me a curious look as I approach. “Is all well?” he asks. “You look… troubled.”
Shorshie is watching me with great curiosity. “Did you remember something?”
I shake my head, hating that I will see disappointment in their faces. “My chief, I must speak with you. I have a request.”
Shorshie puts down the corner of the tent she is holding up. “Why don’t you two talk and I’ll go grab Talie from Asha.” She gives her mate a meaningful look and walks away, hugging the hood of her cloak tighter to her face.
I watch her as she leaves. “Does your mate struggle with the cold?”
“All the humans struggle,” Vektal says, picking up one corner of the tent again and gesturing for me to take up Shorshie’s place. “Some more than others. I think my Georgie hides it because the other females look to her for strength.” He pauses. “Stay-see suffers?”
“She does.”
He looks thoughtful. “Some of the females have taken to hiking or learning to hunt. Stay-see has always been content to remain in the cave and look after the others. She cooks for them, you know.”
“She does?” I am surprised. Stay-see has not shown much enthusiasm for any of the soups doled out on the journey and little interest in the meat, raw or charred. I grab the side of the tent and pull it from its moorings. “What does she cook for them?”
“All kinds of terrible things.” Vektal gives a full-body shake, as if even the thought disturbs him. “Cakes and meat rolled between cakes and roots added to it. The humans are fascinated with these cake-things. I tasted one once and it was sickly sweet, like bad meat.” He reaches forward and grabs a knot, untying it, andthe tent collapses. “The females love it, though. They always come to Stay-see and ask her to make things for them. And she does. She is very kind, your mate.”
I do not know if I am upset at this information or pleased. I knew my mate had a big heart—I have seen her be gentle and pleasant to others even when she is tired. But I have also learned more about her in the last few moments than I have in the last hand of days.
All because Stay-see does not talk to me. She does not share her thoughts with me. She does not cook for me. I would eat everything she put in front of me, even her terrible cakes that taste like meat gone bad. “She is the reason I have come to speak to you, my chief.”
“Then speak.”
“I want to take Stay-see away.”
His face grows thunderous. “Explain yourself.”
“She will not talk to me. She carries her hurt like a cloak and will not let me see what is underneath.”
“And you think taking her away will solve this?”
“I think if she has no one to talk to but me, perhaps she will choose to speak to me more.” I can see my chief does not agree, so I rush on. “The more I try to talk to her, the more she pushes me away. I could live with that, I think, and be a patient male…except the travel is hard on her. It pains me to see her suffer.”
“You have feelings for her?”
