Her nostrils flare as she rolls her eyes, but she can’t hide her smile. She slips to her knees, then rolls off me. She tucks her hand in mine and tugs me on top of her. “Alright then. Let’s see what you’ve got.”
I’m not going to do it lying on top of her, though I’m sure it would take no more than a few strokes of my cock, rubbing against the juncture of her thigh or along her belly, and I’d explode.
I draw myself up and kneel in front of her. Those cerulean eyes land on me, big and blown out, full of bliss andexcitement.
I love her face, so sweet and open, eager and waiting for me.
I grasp my cock and stroke it, circling my hand around in long, hard passes from base to tip and over again. Loreena’s tongue peeks out the side of her mouth. She runs it along her bottom lip. She doesn’t even mean to be provocative but seeingher do it combined with one more hard stroke sends me over the edge.
I keep jacking myself as I come, spurts of white landing on Loreena’s perfect breasts, covering her pert nipples. I’m careful not to aim too high. I manage to keep my shit together just enough that I paint her neck and chest and even her stomach and shoulders but get nothing on her face. I don’t close my eyes right until the end, when it’simpossibleto keep them open any longer.
The pleasure is so damn good that I nearly black out. I’m the one who forgets my name for a moment. I need all that time to gather enough oxygen to feed into my burning lungs. They’re on fire, but the rest of me is floating.
I force my eyes open because I want to see the vision that Loreena is. Her shoulders rise and fall slowly with her breaths. Her skin is slick and shiny, marked by me. It’s hard not to go directly to some primal place, seeing her like this, but I resist. She’s more than justmine. Although, when she dips her finger into the glistening trail on her belly, slicks some of it off, and brings it to her lips, I’mslain.
“Mmm,” she hums, obviously intent on killing me. “Next time, I think that I’d like to taste more. IknowI would.” She smooths her fingers over her breasts then rubs them in circles, massaging my come into her skin.
Holy fuck. Dead. I’m officially. Dead.
“I should carry you upstairs to the shower. I’d love to wash your hair and soap you up, dry you off after, and bring you back down to bed.”
“Hmm.” Her eyes flutter closed. “Aftercare. That’s nice, Maverick.”
I’m unsure if she’s mocking me until her lashes flutter and she stares up at me.
“I mean it. It’s nice that you want to be close, not just roll over and go back to sleep after cavemanning all over me.”
“Cavemanning, huh?”
“Don’t look it up. It’s not going to be in any dictionary.” She laughs and wriggles to the side, rolling her legs off the edge of the bed. The rest of her follows, sleek and sensual, a lithe goddess so beautiful that the breath punches out of my lungs.
I’ve known I was in trouble since her first letter. It’s been years of dreams and hopes, but this isreal. I still have the residual panic that shoots through me, thewhatifscrashing hard into me, the insidious whispers about not being good enough, but the second I get off the bed and scoop Loreena up to carry her to the shower, it all disappears.
I don’t have to be good enoughfor her. She has no parameters, no tests, nothing that I have to pass. She doesn’t expect me to be the most brilliant man in the world, the strongest, or have a squeaky clean past. I have no real secrets from her, and I think that’s the key. Openness. The one thing that most peoplecan’tgive has always belonged to her because it was once the only thing I had to offer.
I want to offer her everything now. Everything in me, everything I’ll have or have ever possessed. I’d lay myself into her hands physically if I could. I do it by soaping her skin gently, washing her under the hot spray in the shower, shampooingand conditioning her hair, then drying her off in a towel that’s surprisingly fluffy.
***
After we shower, I take her into my arms again, marveling at what a perfect fit she is, and walk downstairs. The cats are sprawled out on the couch, so I get Loreena all to myself in the bed. She tucks up against me, and I drape an arm around her, pulling her into me. She clutches my hand in hers, guiding it straight to her heartbeat.
“Going slow is kind of nice, even if I could rather have not had to do it. It’s alright doing a few things like everyone else, isn’t it?” she mumbles sleepily.
I nuzzle my nose into the crook of her neck. “Anything with you is the best thing.”
She sighs and wriggles back further, even though there’s no room between our bodies already. Her hair dampens the pillow and my shoulder and chest.
I read somewhere you shouldn’t go to bed with wet hair. I’ll have to remember that for next time. Heat pours out of her body, the sheets growing damp with it because there’s nowhere for it to go.
Mine pounds roughly against her back. I know we can both feel it.
The heart I tried so hard not to have, has been in her hands all this time.
There was no way that I was ever going to stand in her apartment that day and let her go. There’s no future without her. Not when she’s responsible for that heartbeat. Not when she’sbecomeit. My breath. My pulse. It hurt to thaw, day by day, ice becoming flesh, and it hurts to think of pain in the future. The fear of not having this one day is so raw that my heart knocks so frantically that it could break my ribs. I never thought I’d have this level of intimacy or trust with another person.
Loreena doesn’t feel it knocking into her back. Her deep breaths are a sure sign that she’s already asleep, peaceful and dreaming in the safety of my arms.
I can’t worry about the future. About tomorrow or even a moment from now. There’s no point in it. The only thing I can do is kiss her shoulder and give her a silent vow that I’ll hold her, cherish her, protect her, laugh with her, feel with her, comealivewith her, for as long as she wants me to, but for as long as she wants it, I’ll throw everything I have behind it.
