“You seemed to be less afraid when I covered you with my body. We were outside in the dark, so maybe that meant something too.”
It’s not all that funny, but at least Loreena’s lips twitch. “You can’t just walk around holding onto me like a second skin all day.”
I would do that. With pleasure. Probably too much pleasure. I want to be close to her. Close in ways that I can’t be.I recognize that we’re both lonely, but that would be too much for her. I don’t want to hurt her in any way, no matter how heat rushes through me, or how hard the breath kicks out of my lungs at thinking of even doing something so simple as carrying her, shielding her, or hugging her. I can’t let my brain go down a path to anything else. Even if she was ready, what would I have to offer her?
No job, no house, no way to support us. She deserves someone with their shit together. Someone who isn’t two shades above being a fucking class A loser.
“We could get you a hazmat suit.” It’s weak sauce, but all I have to offer is more of the same flatlined humor.
She snorts. “Why would I need one of those?”
“An astronaut suit, then. Or a fire suit. A vintage one with the bubble helmet. One of those super old school diving suits.”
“Why are we talking about space suits and diving?” Scythe asks. I don’t think he’s all that impressed at my attempts to try and lift the black mood I’m sure we all feel.
“So Loreena can go outside. She’ll be fully covered.”
“The night thing, I’m not sure about,” Loreena says, giving it real consideration. “I’ve tried to leave the building when it was dark before and got pretty much the same results as I always do. The only difference when you did it was that I was passed out when you took me outside. I’d already primed myself and panicked, and when I came to you were shielding me, and then we were in the truck. There was still panic, but I could handle it. I could reason it away.”
Black mood? How about a black look? Scythe shoots me one that if it was a weapon, would be sure to vaporize me on the spot. “You took her outside when she was passed out?”
I wish I could say it sounds worse than it was.
“It’s okay. I mean, it’s not, but I came to and I was the one who told him to give me the sleeping pills instead of asking him to take me back inside. It wasmydecision,” Loreena stresses. “He asked me if he found something that could help, would I be willing to try it, and I said yes. I know what he did was wrong, but it was my decision to come in the end. I know Maverick. I’ve known him for years. People might say that you can’t know anyone through letters, but I’d argue, you can’t know them any better through face to face contact, day after day either. If someone chooses to hide, they’ll always hide.”
Scythe’s frown only gets deeper, but he seems to be focused on some other tangent. Something Loreena just said. “I think you’d like to see yourself as the person you were before, as ‘normal’, but maybe that’s not the right goal. You want to function in the outside world and that could be the end goal, but what about smaller benchmarks?”
Loreena’s nose crinkles. “I need to think about that. I—oh my god!”
Scythe and I both freeze, ready for a catastrophe or some kind of impending doom, but there’s nothing.
“Sylvie!” Loreena says, wringing her hands. “I need to call her. She’ll be coming to do my nails tomorrow and she’ll think that something terrible happened to me if I don’t buzz her in. She doesn’t have a key.Shit. What am I supposed to tell her? That my fresh out of jail ex-con pen pal kidnapped me and tookme over an hour out of the city because he thought he could miraculously cure me?”
“Yes,” I deadpan. “That exactly. Although, maybe don’t use the word kidnapping. Maybe just say extreme experiment that you were enticed to go through with.”
“She’ll be worried but elated that I’m not in the apartment. Maybe the circumstances won’t even matter. She’ll just be so glad that I made an escape. She might want to come here. Can she?” she asks Scythe, since this is his house.
“Of course. You’re not being held captive here.”
“Not by you, at any rate,” she mumbles under her breath. “Just by my own stupid head.”
“You can’t expect something like this to cure itself overnight. Realistically, it’s probably gonna take time, there could be setbacks. Just because that might happen, doesn’t mean you should give up.”
I wish Scythe would shut it for a moment and just give Loreena this small victory rather than talk about stuff like setbacks.
“I hadn’t given up,” Loreena insists softly. Her elation from a moment ago has faded and she just looks… sad. Lost.
It takes everything I have not to sweep her up in my arms and cover her with my body all over again.
“I know. I’m just saying,” Scythe says. “I just want to run one more thing past you. Is that alright?”
Loreena blinks. It’s probably not. She’s putting a brave face on being entirely overwhelmed. “Sure.”
“The club is a brotherhood, but lots of the guys have old ladies and wives. Good women who have their own friendships. They’re a vital part of the club. I know the second I mention you, they’re gonna want to meet you. Would you be open to that?”
“All at once? How many are there?” Loreena shrinks into herself.
“Not all at once,” I warn Scythe. “That would be too much.”
