Isis then grasped the amethyst tightly and shook it three times in a perfect circle above Adrian’s leg like she was seasoning meat.
What in the TikTok malpractice is this? If this is what help looks like, Lord, take me now… peacefully… in my sleep… with my edges laid and lotion on.
I didn’t know whether I sat there, legs crossed, watching in disbelief because I was genuinely curious about her methods or if I was just as crazy as she was, hoping against hope that perhaps—just maybe—it might've actually work.
Thank God I hadsomemedical knowledge. I wasn’t a nurse, but I’d taken a couple of online CPR classes that had drilled into me the essentials of emergency response. I actually had to use that knowledge once, during finals week, when a student unexpectedly collapsed in the cafeteria. I’d also binge-watched every season ofGrey’s Anatomy,House, andThe Good Doctorenough to realize the difference between a paper cut and a puncture wound. So yeah, call itunofficial credentials, but I knew enough to know that rosewater mist wasn’t gonna save Adrian in his moment of need. And he was adamnfool in danger if he trusted Isis’s misguided attempts at healing.
Isis hummed another note, her voice echoing softly in the room, while she waved the sage with the dramatic flair of a woman attempting to erase the memory of a regrettable one-night stand and rewrite it as some sort of spiritual alignment.
I’d seen enough.
“Oh, hell no!”
I shot up from my seat, lunged forward, and smacked the sage out of the air.
“Girl, move! This ain’t a Harry Potter episode! We’re dealing with a scraped knee and a mild case ofoverreaction!”
Isis glared at me, her bottom lip jutting out in a pout as she stomped her foot. “You interrupted the ritual!”
I jabbed a manicured nail in her direction, my patience wearing thin. “Isis, go put that damn sage out before the raccoons think we’re roasting marshmallows in here!”
“But—”
“Go! Before you mess around and put some perfume or glitter in an open wound!”
Isis huffed dramatically and found a nearby tray to snuff out the ashes. She still hovered nearby, though—like a side chick who wouldn’t leave a hospital room after her married sneaky link got shot, while the wife stood at the foot of the bed, contemplating whether to call the pastor or the police.
I shook my head at Adrian, who was just lying there, seemingly unbothered by the fact that Isis had nearly turned him into the hood version of Salem fromSabrina… but with a limp. That nigga was probably one chant away from being somebody’s emotional support animal.
“And you were just gonna let her cast aDIYspell on you?” I asked, out of curiosity.
He shrugged, his expression lazily indifferent. “The shit felt good… the face part, at least.”
I rolled my eyes. “Don’t be surprised if you wake up tomorrow either bilingual, meowing in cursive, or barking at full moons.”
I made my way over to the storage bin by the fireplace and grabbed the actual first aid kit that had begun to gather dust.,
“I feel lightheaded,” Adrian complained, his voice dripping with drama.
“No, you feel embarrassed. That’s shame leaving the body,” I countered, digging through the kit for the items I needed.
Adrian groaned again. “For real, Chess, my knee is throbbing.”
“Your pride is throbbing. Your knee is fine, nigga,” Bryce chimed in as he entered the room holding a bag of frozen peas, his demeanor a blend of amusement and irritation. “You and Isis acting like you took a bullet. All you did was lose a fight with a log. The log didn’t even try hard.”
Bryce pointed an accusatory finger at Isis.
“As for you,” he continued, “just know, if I ever pass out on a plane, I’d betterneverwake up to you standing over me, waving around burning herbs and humming like a dying microwave with a vendetta.I don’t care if you saved me, summoned me, or borrowed me back from Jesus… I’m catching a charge mid-resurrection.”
Isis whipped around to face him with one hand placed defiantly on her hip. “Don’t do me, Bryce! I studied emergency protocol! Thank you very much!”
“From where? A TikTok Live? Isis, the only thing you’re certified in is cucumber water and curated aesthetics.”
I couldn’t help but chuckle at Bryce's jab. “
“Everybody chill and let me work my magic before somebody really ends up on a helicopter,” I said, then turned back to Adrian with a pointed stare. “You… stay still."
He obeyed like a scolded toddler.
