I scoffed. “Girl, no. We’ve only been talking for like five months… and barely at that. It’s not that serious with us; trust me.”
Klarissa’s brow lifted. “All the more reason youshouldtake him along! He’s your ‘Mr. Good Time’ so go have a good time! It’s Christmas time, Chess—the season for cookies, carols, spiked cocoa, and decking halls… not going down heartbreak rabbit holes! You deserve a break from grief! Get you some ‘ho-ho-ho’ holiday healing…emphasison the ho!”
I laughed. “Klarissa!”
“I’m just saying… God gives good gifts, sis, and a fine man in thermal clothes ready to love on you might be one of them! Open the door! Don’t block your blessings!”
I chuckled, then shook my head. “Klarissa, I can’t take him to the cabin. We can enjoy each other’s company anywhere else—other than my house. But the cabin? Hell no. Bryce would probably kill me.”
Klarissa raised both hands like I was the one being dramatic. “This isyourmonth for the cabin, though, so how would he find out? Are you planning to snitch on yourself? Then again, knowing you, you’ll post a fire pic, forgetting the mirror reflection, and end up showing his Timberlands and PlayStation in the background.”
I playfully rolled my eyes, and she got even messier.
“Chess, you know how I feel about you and Bryce; I want to see y’all back together more than anything. But let’s be real,sis, it’s been two years. That ninja done fucked somebody by now… probably twosomebodies… maybe three if the holidays got lonely. Men like him don’t sit on the bench that long unless they’re injured. For all you know, he done already took a whole Snow Bunny up there. There might even be a fresh pair of size 7 UGGs in your closet right now, a pink toothbrush on your sink, and a barely-used Bath & Body Works lotion labeled ‘his boo’s bag.’ A girl probably done had her crusty little white toes on your bear rug too, pretending she likes nature and shit, talkin’ ‘bout, ‘Wow, babe, this view is everything!’”
I wheezed. “Okay, okay!”
Klarissa had a point. Maybe Bryce wasn’t living like a monk. Maybe he’d moved on, laughed again, andlovedagain.
Klarissa stepped closer, softening her expression.
“Chesteria,” she said quietly, her voice dipping into that tone she only used when she was about to speak straight to my soul. “All jokes aside, life is short, boo. You’re beautiful, smart, and kind. You walk around this campus pouring into everybody else and don’t even realize how empty you are. Your mom would hate seeing you tuck yourself away like this. She’d tell you that grief is real, but so is living, so is joy, and so is you deserving something good again.”
Klarissa’s voice wavered, but she held steady.
“And your baby…” she took a slow breath. “She’d want more for you than pain, hiding, and surviving the holidays with clenched teeth. That child would’ve wanted you laughing and loved, not walking through life feeling like you owe the world silence.”
I looked down at my steady and calm hands, hiding how much they trembled inside.
Klarissa continued. “Let somebody make you smile… even if it’s just for the weekend… even if it’s just a lil’ distraction. I ain’t saying be dumb and go marry the nigga; hell, you don’t evengotta like him like that. But sis…” She paused, leveling me with a look. “Let yourself be a woman again, not a wound. Chess, you got hella ass, beauty, and edges! God gave you all of that for a reason! Use it! Let that man rub on your booty in front of the fireplace like y’all on the cover of a toxic romance novel. Let him wash a dish or two in them gray sweatpants—no drawers. Let him be the reason your curls frizz up and not your feelings.” She smirked. “I’m just saying, if you gon’ be sad, at least be sad with your back arched and a playlist on. Depression don’t hit the same when your legs in the air, and he’s humming Jodeci.”
I covered my face with my hands and laughed.
“Klarissaaaa! Why are you like this?!”
But deep down, I wasn’tcompletelyagainst the idea.
She shrugged, unapologetic. “Who knows... a little fireplace fondling, ass slapping with intention while cinnamon rolls rise in the oven, and some dishwashing dick might be just what the doctor ordered.”
I scrunched up my face in confusion. “Some what?” I giggled. “You know what… don’t even answer that.”
Klarissa rolled her shoulders in a slow motion and lifted her coffee cup in a silent toast, basically saying, Do with that information what you will.
I sighed. “Alright, I’ll give him a call,” I lied for the sake of ending the conversation.
No part of me wanted to spend a weekend in the mountains with Adrian. It had less to do with him, and more of the significance of the cabin. That cabin meant too much; it held my memories, my grief, and my joy. Letting him, or any guy other than Bryce, near it felt wrong… disrespectful, even. I also wasn’t about to sacrifice my peace just to pretend we were something we weren’t.
Klarissa’s grin stretched ear to ear. “Good! And tell him to bring his fine self with some snow boots. The mountains don’t care nothing about pretty ankles.”
I rolled my eyes, laughing.
She grabbed her tote and headed for the door. “Alright, let me get out of here before my kids call a search party. Call me later and let me know the verdict.” She pointed two fingers at her eyes and then at me. “Don’t chicken out.”
“I won’t,” I fibbed again, plastering a simpering smile.
“Mm-hmm.” She smirked. “I’ll talk to you later, boo.”
When the door clicked shut behind her, the room felt twice as quiet.
