I go quiet, unsure of what else to say. My brother has always been the brains of the family. He played hockey most of his life, just like I did, but he also did well in school. He quit playing in college so he could focus on earning his degree.
Pretty much the opposite of me.
I’ve always been the dumb jock. I sucked in school. I’ve lost count of the number of tests that I’ve failed. Not like it mattered. I was good enough at hockey that I’ve always been a top player. I didn’t have to study or write papers or do much school work because my coaches always had an agreement with my teachers, from middle school all the way through college. As long as I focused on playing well and winning games, my teachers passed me, no matter how I performed academically.
Even thinking about it now sends an ugly feeling gnawing in my gut.
I never had to try in school. No one expected me to be good at anything other than hockey.
My whole life I’ve relied on my body for everything, and it’s given me an amazing hockey career. But sometimes, I wish I could be more…
That gnawing feeling digs deeper, turning into something familiar: insecurity.
I have no idea what it’s like to use your brain for a living. I have no idea what it feels like when people are in awe of your intelligence, of what you know, of how well you speak.
All I am is a guy who’s good at smacking around a puck on ice. Nothing more.
One injury, one bad season, one bad fight, could end it all. I’m twenty-nine, and I could lose everything I’ve worked my entire life for. And then I’d be nothing.
I shove aside that ugly feeling. This isn’t about my stupid insecurity. This is about trying to help my brother.
I smile at Aidan, hoping that my discomfort doesn’t show on my face.
“This must be weird for you, coming to me for help. Usually I’m the one asking you to bail me out,” I joke.
My brother lets out a weak laugh. “Yeah, I guess the tables really have turned.”
“Remember when I got in a fender bender the day after I got my driver’s license and begged you to take the blame because I knew our parents would be easier on you? You were such a goody-two-shoes. You got straight Asandyou were good at hockey. You never did anything wrong.”
This time when Aidan laughs, it sounds lighter and more natural.
“I forgot about that,” he says. “You offered to give me your autographed Mario Lemieux jersey so I’d do it.”
It’s my turn to laugh. “I was an idiot to give you that jersey. But hey, I avoided getting grounded, so I guess it was worth it.”
Aidan pats my shoulder. “I’ll give you the jersey back.”
“You cleared this with Micah? I expected to plan your bachelor party, but she’s okay with me planning the engagement party and the rehearsal dinner too? She remembers what a dumbass I am, right?” I chuckle.
“She’s totally fine with it.”
I let out a breath. “Okay. I’ll do it.”
A huge smile spreads across my brother’s face. “Thanks, man. You’re saving my ass. Seriously. And hey, you won’t have to do it alone.”
“What do you mean?” I drain the rest of the beer in my glass.
“That’s the other thing I wanted to talk to you about. Kendall is going to plan it with you. She’s my best woman.”
I still, my glass hovering over the table. “Kendall? Kendall who can’t stand me? Kendall who dreams about ripping my heart out of my chest?”
“The one and only,” she says behind me.
I turn around and see Kendall standing just a couple of feet behind me, arms crossed, staring daggers at me. Like she’d rather be anywhere in the world other than in this bar with me.
I grin at the gorgeous woman who hates my guts, like the smug jackass I am. We used to be friends in college, but then junior year she went completely cold on me. She hasn’t liked me since.
I have no idea what I did. All I know is that we’ve spent the last nine years with this weird tension between us. I tease her and give her shit. She tells me off and calls me names. I like it because I’m the kind of guy who loves a feisty woman. But I hate it because she used to be my friend and I’d give anything to make her like me again.
